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Hallusinating
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Head in the sand

Permanent Linkby Hallusinating on Wed Jul 18, 2012 12:47 pm

One day many years ago my father decided to pack up his feelings and leave me.

We had known each other for 3 years and been separated for 1 1/2 half year during which time he had tried to make some few attempts on seeing me.

His final decision came when he had met another woman in his life.

That was when he decided to not fight for me any more and came to my nursery to say goodbye.

At first i didn`t fully recognise him because it had been such a long time since i had seen him and because my stepfather had fully claimed his place.

I drew some recognition and we had a talk before he left me back in the nursery.
I saw him some years later but didn`t acknowledge a relationship because my mother and stepfather didn`t want me to have a relationship with him.

My mother took some egoistical choices when she was younger, because of all her egoistical choices i have chosen not to have any contact with her any more.

She did some weird stuff when me and my 2 siblings grew up, things that other parents wouldn`t do to they`re children, but to her it came totally natural when she saw that she was doing them for my stepfather.

So really he was the one who took many of her dumb decisions.

I wonder why my mother allowed her self doing stupid things? She wouldn`t have accepted it if somebody had come into her family and "stole" her father or other relatives away, so why does she accept it in my case?

I find no answer for that question except for petty reasons and conflicts(most of them are about her).

She finds it so difficult to deal with herself so she blames everyone else for her mistakes.


She criticises people for not coming over problems that happened a long time ago, yet she sits and complains about something that happened to her for 50 years ago!?

So she lives inside her box daily believing in herself and her own actions when others don`t.


Or "sticking her head in the sand" and pretending like she can`t see it, like some birds do...

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