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Hallusinating
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Dividing and torn feelings

Permanent Linkby Hallusinating on Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:28 pm

I hate to be restless...its one thing to have some stress which can be good for me because i get some things done, but its another to feel stress because i am restless.

I hate not knowing what to do like if i have to choose between two things at the same time and i can`t choose. I have read that this is the state for some mental problems not being able to take a choice.

Sometimes i can stand for ages just wondering if i should have that bread or the other, its so irritating that i wind up irritating myself about it.

Of course you could say why not just go for one of the options and see how it goes and then make the best out of it, which is what i always say to my self.
But then i have been living on my own for a long while and i know my personal choices doesn`t conflict or harm others in any way and i am the only one living with the consequences of my own choices.

Its not the same if you are in a marriage or other relationships then you have to pick the choice that is good for everybody else too and this can be a little bit more difficult.

I am in a big group of people who are my friends and we don`t always agree on what to do, so if i chose one thing then someone else might get irritated.

I hate that feeling especially when i want to do everything.

I hate that split it makes in me.

I wonder if its the splitting feeling that i have from my family, where i felt as if i had to choose between my half siblings and my biological siblings?

In the end that feeling becomes too disturbing and stressing to me that i just cave in and give up!
It becomes debilitating for me.
I think maybe this is the part of the reason why i have isolated myself.

Also nagging is the worst and best in a way, if people nag at me i feel that its because they want me there which is nice but then i also feel the pressure it makes inside of me which is bad.

I have read that you shouldn`t throw the stick to many times for the dog to catch it because it becomes disorientated, i think its the same with people.
Last edited by Hallusinating on Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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