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Hallusinating
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All dead things

Permanent Linkby Hallusinating on Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:53 pm

Incidentally the guy i once shared a flat with i also shared a cat with for a while...that cat was like a big relief for me at the time since i had lost so many in a short period of time...

Before i engaged myself with this man i had lost not one but 3 of my close neighbours that i shared a corridor with.

One died of lung asthma, one died of another problem, he had something white in his pee, called the ER by the time they came he just collapsed and died, he was the cleaner in the house and spoke to everybody i had only spoken to him two days in advance and all had seemed fine.
The other guy was quite young but always seemed sick, he was a previous drug abuser and kept to himself, but he smiled a shy smile whenever i saw him, he also died suddenly..he was out clubbing one night and had breathing problems.

We talked a lot in our neighbourhood..because we shared a bathroom and toilet in the hallway so we meet up there and also a washing room.

Then there was a guy who killed himself on the balcony..he hung himself on the balcony that was just outside my room.

Then there was a dog in the forest that drowned in front of me because the water was to cold so we couldn`t save him.

Then there was a dear old friend of mine from school who had taken her own life and i had only just found about it.

Then there was my sister who i had a unstable relationship to, she had recently told me that she didn`t want to have any more contact with me.

And then...i got a cat at my new place that i shared with my boyfriend, we got it from a neighbour who couldn`t have it anymore because it didn`t work with her young child.

The cat was afraid of people because the child had pulled its tail, i got it to communicate with people again and then it died :(

In the beginning it wouldn`t let me pick it up and would scratch me, so i just waited and then one morning she came up to me in bed when i had just woken up and kissed me...

It was the best moment i had for a long time...
She started to follow me when i was outside and one day she suddenly went missing.

I called for her for days all around in the neighbourhood, and then my boyfriend found her in the parking lot, she had been hit by a car and we had to put her down.

I was in total misery.

Life sure has its challenges, sometimes we have to see life where everything is dead.

That cat gave me hope again to find love and that there is love somewhere even if it looks impossible to find it. She used to hide under the coach for hours just to avoid us..and in the end she would eat of my hand.

That kiss is what i will remember her for, it was to say thank you and i love you..the universal language as a kiss might be.

She must have heard me yelling for her and she must have tried to crawl home, she knew she was loved back again.

The cleaner in the house was a friendly man who had just spent his summer holiday down south of the country with his family.
Some weeks before his death he had helped me and my boyfriend with some shopping since we were to ill to crawl out of the bed, so he is was one of our friends.
He was always friendly and smiling when he talked to the neighbours, and that says a lot to me, despite that he was in the age of possibly being in pension he still wiped floors and stairs. He still lived in the small flat that he had been living in for about 30 years of his life, he was one of those who had lived there for the longest of time and knew everybody there.

He lived in a flat approx. 15 square metres big but his smile was even bigger.

We were all in a shock when he all of a sudden passed away from us.

It makes me think about life and what could or couldn`t happen?

I think he was just an ordinary guy trying to make the best of his situation and that makes him an ordinary every day hero for me :)

But of course i wonder what could have happen to him??

I don`t think he ever had any children and that makes a little bit sad, but then i think about all the people he knew and how much he was liked by them and in a way i wonder if that was enough for him?

It was him and another guy who lived next to him they had both been living there for a long time.
This building used to be housing for people with psychiatric needs and i think that is the reason why he came there? And then he never left the place.

At first it was suppose to house workers from the railway but then the railway end station was built somewhere else in the city so they took in patients there instead, that was 50 years ago when the building was built. When i moved in it was a "normal" building for anybody, so there lived everything there from people with high education to people with very low income.

The place was cheap and easy you didn`t have to have a lot of furnitures and could wash your clothes for nothing.

Because of its wide range of people there some writers used the building as their inspiration and bought flats there to use as writing caves.

One of my neighbours was a highly educated person who winded up getting a job in the government as a advisor for politicians. Another one was a philosopher.

And then there were musicians, a prostitute who took her clients there, the drug abusers, the alcoholics, the criminals etc..

It was about 200 small flats there and police new the place as being the worst place to live for many years because of all the turbulence.

Despite that it was also a very social place where i could meet people. It taught me a lot about people maybe more then i wanted to know.

I had recently lived 4 years in what was one of the safest, best and richest parts of the town so i had some culture shocks whilst living there.
Before i came there i had been neighbour to lawyers, doctors, posh elder pensioners with puddles and millionaires, so that change was large for me.

This is what happens when a family doesn`t take prober care of its family, my mother could have provided for me in a much better way. A child who has both their parents looking out for her wouldn`t find herself in that same building.

My thoughts are that most of the people who lived there were people who were taking care of them selves with what they had.

Some children get flats from their families or some sort of aid when they seek housing out in the big bad world.

All i got help with was her signature on a piece of paper that said she would bail my loan if i didn`t manage to pay it, and seeing as the flat was cheap the bail was cheap too.
I never forgot to pay for the loan so she never had to cough up a single penny.

My younger half sister lives in a richer part of the city and i am in no doubt that she got more help from my mother.

My mothers first reaction when she saw the flat was that she didn`t want me to stay there, but then she isn`t the one with the hands on the money, its my stepfather and she is always afraid of asking for his aid when it comes to her older children so...we are a little on the side for her charities.

While i was staying there i had a job and could save some money, so i used the saved up money to just afford a larger flat with my own bathroom when i moved out of this place.

I now live in an area where there are a lot of foreigners and a lot of families.
Its still a cheaper area but at least i now have my own bathroom which is really nice.

Its a little bit more decent to live here but i could still use for something a bit bigger.

Now i don`t have a job so i can`t afford to save like i did before.
We have a good savings program in Norway where you can save money in a special account made especially for younger people saving up for their first home.
It can only be used for people in between the ages of 18-and thirty something and the rents are very good.
If you have saved a certain amount in one year the bank gives you some money or something like that..

So i used this account which i am now to old (and too poor) to use, but it worked fine for some improvements.


In Norway we have some advantages in some places like free hospital care and a much better social security then many other places, but buying a house or even renting one is very expensive here, so getting some help is always good.

You need to have a certain amount of money or security to get a loan and very few people can get buy a flat without a loan.

A friend of mine was so lucky that she got a two story house from her grandmother she only had to pay a very small rent every month.

Another friend of mine got the whole drivings licenses paid for by her parents.
That is also another thing that can be very expensive in Norway.

So its normal that parents do something for their children when they are growing up.
I know that parents in US save for their children's education its a bit the same.

Parents can offer economical security and advise when it comes to getting to places in life.

Two of the jobs i have had comes from my mothers advice to seek for them, so i can`t really say that she never tried to get me to be independent yet i think she lets her other children from her new marriage rest more in her security and little things like that can mean a lot for the relationships in the whole family.
Last edited by Hallusinating on Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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