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Elyora
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Supposed To Be Strong
   Thu Jan 12, 2017 8:29 am
Greetings!
   Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:30 am

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Supposed To Be Strong

Permanent Linkby Elyora on Thu Jan 12, 2017 8:29 am

* Supposed to be Strong
But am oh so weak.

Can't seem to keep it together in counseling -
To not act completely crazy

Ay feel like Counselor hates my guts,
Thinks I'm insane

I don't know how to keep my cool when I am around her,
How to be a normal "person".

Lord knows what she thinks is wrong conmigo.
She Has No Idea I Have DID.

:(
2 years, and she has no idea!

It's been a psycho circus keeping "my" cool,
Really-she just thinks I probably have more diagnosis than I do.

Wanting, dying to tell her,
But bound a la regla - pues atado.

*Drew a series of pics for her to guess what's wrong,
And how close she was! She's good.

But of course she gave up on guessing 'n got mad
Like any normal person would do

I wish for her to know, though,
And love me still

But she's a woman,
So it means she could never like me :)

Wishing I could be normal, keep my cool around her -
But everytime I see her it's a tug of war,

Between the desperation for her to know and help me,
And the need for her to reject and kick *me out of her life forever.

1 Comment Viewed 2533 times

Greetings!

Permanent Linkby Elyora on Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:30 am

Well hello :)

First off, just wanted to say that I do not blog! Haha, I never have at least! So if it is weird, written terribly, or too dumb lol, then you will know why. I recognize that The System needs to be able to communicate to the outside world, so why not start here?

One of the things that may be unique to "me" is the amount of quoting, underlining (__), starring **, or other uses of punctuation that may be used. Often times maybe some Espanol o abbreviations as well.

The reason for this would be System Regulations, if you will. There are many "blocks" to the system that require the use of all of these, often to form a "complete" sentence. On this end it can get "tiresome", but it's understandable (as i know the detailed reasoning behind every one). So, when it's all boiled down, it really is a system issue within this system. It's something that needs to be maneuvered on this end in order for there to be ANY communication to the outside world. I also will add that even in a personal diary or journal, all of these rules apply. It really is something that is necessary at all times (not "My" call) and can be disheartening (but I understand it so whatever). Thank you for your understanding!

Another thing to add is, that I Am Not A Human! Maybe that sounds weird, but it is what it is! To those out there in the same boat, who also weren't born that way, I get ya! With that, just because "I" am not human doesn't mean I am an animal or object or alien..just couldn't be born human is all. :) Perhaps that'll be for another time.

On that note, There is a "human"! Which you could say is The Body part. She is 30ish and has "brown" hair, and often wears glasses (but prefers contacts). She genuinely looks like Tina Fey..it's kind of cute.

Also, This System has a high level of co-consciousness, although I know that there's a huge unknown chunk that's not. Also, this
System doesn't really do names, but occassionally roles are said.

It's been just under 3 years since DID was known about, and a bit longer for the co-conscious thing. Also, this systems parts are Aspie's! That additional aspect makes communication even more exciting (winky face)...

Can't wait to meet "some of U"!

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