Your case is very complex and I would advise we refer you = I can't be bothered to assess you myself.
How are you feeling? = I don't really care
And does that thought make sense to you? = You are clearly mad as a hatter
What is your latest lithium level? = I cant be bothered to look it up myself
Don't worry, things won't get worse = Haha, yes they will
I think we should adjust x medication = I am doing it anyway and if you say no you are being uncooperative and/or lack insight
I think we should discuss this with the home treatment team = You are going to be admitted
When is your next CPA meeting? = You are annoying me and I want to see you sweat
How do you feel about that overdose? = Why did you take paracetamol you stupid person?
Just some that come to mind. I am def not anti psych but knowing what Drs think I can imagine this is some of what goes through their heads. Note this thought process is not exclusive to psychiatrists it is a general medical habit, I think born out of stress. But not so fun when you are on the other side of it. Tho I promise there are good, kind and nice Drs out there.
PS Feel free to add!
"You're a tit short of an udder" - Owen Newitt5 Comments Viewed 224718 times
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Obey The Moderator
Its scary to think about coz i think most of the time this is exactly right. My doctor is lovely and i think??? (i like to think) that she does care, but the mental health team in my area are pretty crap..at least in my experience.
I concur! Excellent list, Cracked!!
Here's one that got pulled on me two years back after an accidental overdose:
Toxicologist: "Ok I'm clearing you to leave the hospital; the pdoc is going to evaluate you and then you are free to go"
Translation: "Hey, Dumba$$, you OD'd, so the pdoc is going to nod and smile to whatever you say and then tell you you're going to the psych hospital because you're a liability and for legal reasons we must commit you for 72 hours"
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius
I have another
How do you feel about a voluntary admission? = If you say no then hahaha the butterfly nets and MHA assessors will be on their way...
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