I was so scared about seeing my therapist today after the text that I was awake at 2. She reassured me about it but I could not seem to get engaged and she picked up on it and commented on it and now I feel like I have failed somehow. Like I want to be a good client and I was not today.

It improved after we did a visualisation which I think explained why I was feeling so out of it to do with stuff that happened to me but then the session was over. She said I seemed a lot better after that.

I texted her to apologise but feel bad. It has messed with my head. She also said I seemed sad and distant.

Maybe I should go to sleep and forget about this for a while but that is not good. I think I am stuck in child mode. I am not sure. I just feel weird.

Sorry I thought blogging this would help but it is probably just a pile of waffle and I am still thinking about it - prob because I am censoring myself, never good.

Now the question is what can I do to distract myself? Perhaps go to the shops and hoover? Or the washing up. Or go to sleep. Hmmm.

Anyhow hope all are OK.

Thinking of you - I am going to do something useful and stop feeling sorry for myself.

Cracked

I think that sometimes distracting yourself from the feelings can be unhelpful if it means you can't resolve them and understand WHY you are feeling the way you are. Maybe you should journal about it without censoring yourself so that you can at least get all of the feelings out. Maybe you can even journal in "child mode" if you feel you are stuck in that, your writing may end up a bit child like but it is important to give the feelings a voice to be heard.

Thanks Hon,

I wrote a letter to Little Ruth, which i think helped as I think that was where some of the feeling rubbish was coming from. I also slept. Am going to write to her again.

Hugs

Cracked

That's good that you wrote to Little Ruth and that it helped

Thanks hon. She wants my therapist to be her Mum...

Cracked

I agree So Much Salted, distraction and diversion can be a bit overrated at times. Sometimes acceptance and expression get us out of uncomfy emotions so much faster. Cracked, I think Little Ruth DESERVES someone like your therapist to be her mother and I'm so glad she found someone to nurture her properly. Therapist will teach Big Ruth by example how to look after Little Ruth and Ruthies can hold hands go through life together. Little Jade and Big Jade are still forming their relationship.... it's a work in progress aint it what!!

I agree So Much Salted, distraction and diversion can be a bit overrated at times. Sometimes acceptance and expression get us out of uncomfy emotions so much faster. Cracked, I think Little Ruth DESERVES someone like your therapist to be her mother and I'm so glad she found someone to nurture her properly. Therapist will teach Big Ruth by example how to look after Little Ruth and Ruthies can hold hands go through life together. Little Jade and Big Jade are still forming their relationship.... it's a work in progress aint it what!!

Thanks again hon, I will think about that and I am glad I did the work rather than distract myself. I have been cuddling Little Ruth.

Hugs

Cracked