is very confusing. She messes with my head. She makes me feel really bad baout myself like with my weight and feeling like I am a bad person and she is the good one and there is no inbetween - which is v odd for me as I am usually a shades of grey person. But then she does stuff like buy me groceries and tell me a recipe she thinks I will like that makes me feel she loves me.
I find her so difficult to understand and comprehend why she has such a hold on me despite the fact I am an adult. She makes me feel like a little kid. Yet I feel so guilty even typing this as I feel I am going against her and being bad and mean.
I think she has pushed me into child mode and I dont know how to get out. I always feel unsettled after I see her and it takes me a while to find my feet again.
Today I feel like a generally bad person. More so than usual.
Hope all are OK
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Thanks Strawberryindigo and I am sorry your Mum plays with your head too.
[quote="CrackedGirl"] I think she has pushed me into child mode and I dont know how to get out. I always feel unsettled after I see her and it takes me a while to find my feet again. -Cracked[/quote]
You've managed to put into words most perfectly the way I, too, am left feeling after each visit with my mother.
Cowards die many times before their deaths.
The valiant taste of death but once.
Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
KrokYo, I am sorry you have this experience too.
I know the feeling. Hugs Cracked. You are a good person and deserve to feel a consistent love and approval from your mother.
In a way, I am not defined by my dissociation. In a way, I am.
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