The ConDem government here are doing their level best to ensure that the poorest in society are getting shafted as much as possible. Benefits have been totally overhauled. People who do the "good thing" and go to work as phrased by the chancellor will be better off and those who do the "bad thing" and dont go to work will be punished. It is not that simple. I would love to be working full time but I simply cannot do it at the moment. Others are in the same boat. Telling us we are doing the "bad thing" is not condusive to people getting well. To make matters worse there are now links being made between being on benefits and killing 6 of your children. For those who are not aware a man has been given life today for killing his kids. The fact he was on welfare has caused the ConDems to start saying that the culture of people on benefits needs to be looked at. Naturally all of us who are, are killers waiting for an opportune victim to murder. We are also lazy. I paid high rate tax for years to pay into the system which is now supporting me and once I am able to I will be paying into it again to support others and that is what it is there for. Being on benefits is degrading and difficult and people on the whole do not want to be on them and would far rather be able to work. I dont see why we should be getting punished for the sins of the few.

Cracked

I had a training day yesterday for a new job. This is the first work I have done since I went of sick 5 years ago after a suicide attempt. I honestly never thought I would get to this point, and I think my team also felt the same. I am so pleased to have proved us all wrong. It was a very difficult training day and I really had to exercise my brain and also people skills but I got through it. It is only occasional work but it is a really good place to start. Plus it is wonderful to be in a position to give back to ppl rather than always taking. It is working in a team of 3 assessing services provided by a large MH charity and feeding this back. It certainly seems quite hardcore but I think I am going to really enjoy it. And I am so so so pleased to be getting back at work. I know it is not a full time job working as an anaesthetist but in a way I feel the achievement of getting here is more so that when I was working as a Dr. I dont know what the future is going to bring but this is a really good start.

Huge hugs

Cracked

Today is 16 years since my dear Grandpa died and tomorrow is 25 years since my wonderful Dad died. It is a sad time of year for me as I loved them both and miss them a lot. however I was reflecting today on how I am able to think more about them in happy times than I used to. I used to always think about them dead and also have pain at the fact they are no longer here. I saw my Dad after he died and that experience was always at the forefront of my brain. It still is around but is not the only thing I think about. I also remember the happy times with Grandpa and not just the time when I was told he had died. I think with time these things get better. I am going through grief of sorts atm for a couple of reasons and these two days are serving to remind me that there is hope and that things will get better even if they are really bad atm.

Huge hugs to you all

Cracked

I wanted to blog but I have not got the energy to talk about anything profound so I thought I would cheer myself by making a list of my top 10 TV programs currently - perhaps I can watch some to take my mind off things.

1. Rev - my newly discovered gem about a vicar in London
2. Friends - of course
3. Bones - I love it, even the gory bits
4. Top Gear - very entertaining and the recent special was brilliant
5. Anger Management - another new discovery that is very funny
6. QI - I love love love this quiz show esp as it is hosted by Stephen Fry
7. The Graham Norton show - he is a great chat show host and gets really good guests
8. Two & A Half Men - very funny
9. Any travel program with Michael Palin in it - he is wonderful
10. Green Wing - A comedy about medics which is well worth a watch

Hope everyone is OK

Hugs

Cracked

I have had so much crap land in my lap recently

Too much

And the amount of support I have had from you guys has helped hugely. It has really made a difference in my "outcome" (ffs I hate that word). Anyhow I would like to thank those of you who have supported me so much for being there. I would also like to thank those of you who have not been a pain in the arse for abstaining whilst I have been wobbly, and for those of you who have been a pain in the arse - there are always enemas...

Hugs

Cracked