Yet again sleep eludes me so I thought I would see where words take me. Of course it would actually help if I turned off the telly and computer, went upstairs and got into bed. I just have this thing about going to bed. Esp at night. When I am working I far prefer working nights and sleeping in the day. Nights are more fun anyway. I think I am being a little bit naughty as well as I know that lack of sleep makes me feel a little hypo.
So tom I am hopefully meeting up with my Canadian auntie who is over with my uncle. She is fab and is the person I am probably closest to in my family. She was the first person in my family i told about the abuse and she is amazingly supportive without being judgemental. I feel I can tell her anything. We plan to go for coffee then trawl the charity shops. My local high street has some really good ones. I buy nearly all my clothes from charity shops. Tho I was looking at a dress I bought recently and thought wtf, why on earth did I buy this? It is so not right for me. I think i would look like the michelin man in it, it is not flattering. Moral of the story, no clothes shopping after 2 pints of Old Rosie.
The other good thing about charity shops (apart from helping a good cause) is that they are great for bipolars. When you are on a high and fancy a spending spree you do far less damage to your finances whilst still getting some great stuff. OK I will stop going on about charity shops now.
Well I think I am going to try to get some sleep now. Good morning/afternoon/evening/night to you all.
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Someone is our system loves these stores!! Great deals, great stuff!
You should see the closet...everything from ultra conservative to ultra not appropriate. The amout of clothing and shoes that house themselvs in here are rediculous
~Courage is not the absense of fear, but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all~
"Yet again sleep eludes me so I thought I would see where words take me. Of course it would actually help if I turned off the telly and computer, went upstairs and got into bed. I just have this thing about going to bed. Esp at night. When I am working I far prefer working nights and sleeping in the day. Nights are more fun anyway. I think I am being a little bit naughty as well as I know that lack of sleep makes me feel a little hypo."
Your post regarding not wanting to go to bed esp at nite resonates in me BIG time. I would LOVE to hear more about that from you. If you want, maybe PM me.
See, I dislike going to bed at night and can never hold a day job because of that. The only way I can do so is to medicate myself (xanax, vodka, some sleepin pills, or etc) to do that. Not even waking up early in the morn can always be relied for me to be in bed at a normal time that night.
I do not know why I avoid it. I don't know if Im even scared. Its something me and my husband FIGHT over constantly and I could use help or at least insight.
Even odder is once Im asleep..... I get pissed if anyone so much touches me or wakes me. I wake up the worse grouch (totally opps of my sweet self) no matter how good I sleep.
Oh yea the other thing that eats at me is what memories I DO have of my abuse is gentle and have used such memories to assist in sexual arousal. However even I know that those cut off memories must be painful or violent so perhaps I dream of those.
Keep bloggin, I think ure doing good.
[color=#FF40BF]God will Give me nothing i cannot handle--i just wish he didn't trust me so much!
[color=#0000BF]PM me if you wanna talk.[/color][/color]
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