Something very weird happened to me in the early hours. I was dozing with the telly on and heard someone hammering on my door. Really loud. A bit confused I decided it must be a friend so I got up and went downstairs and opened the door. There was no one there. It was only afterwards that I realised what I did was perhaps not that wise, esp with all the rioting that has been going on.

It made me think of how many times I put myself in danger in one way or another like letting strangers into my house to do door to door selling or read the meter without checking ID or the time I invited someone back who raped me. Or the guy in KL I thought was fine who also raped me. I seem to think I am invincible no matter how many times this has been proven not to be the case.

It got me thinking why I think this. Part of it is surviving abuse and torture. Part of it I wonder is whether it is because we did not die in the attack and fire in Nigeria. Then I have tried to commit suicide twice - seriously tried and both times failed. So maybe these excapes from death have lulled me into a false sense of security.

Whatever it is I need to reign it in I think before I do something that does not have a lucky outcome. So no more answering the door at 2am.

Hope all are well

Cracked

I hope you feel better. I am sending you some good vibes across the sea. Strawberryindigo

Thanks Strawberryindigo - back atcha. I am feeling better after a good night's sleep thank you.

Cracked