Ever since I can remember I have felt fat and ugly. My therapist says this is due to the abuse making me feel this way. Being on meds that made me gain weight has not helped and I have had a long battle with ED too.
Ppl compliment me and I do not really believe them and think they are being polite when really they think I am fat and ugly and ppl who do not know me IRL compliment me and say that they bet I am pretty but I find myself thinking little do you know...
The question is why do I care as I should not be so shallow but I feel like I am worthless because I am fat and ugly and this is not right. I am smart, I am kind, I have a good personality so why is my esteem so low. Probably more legacy of abuse I guess.
Not sure why I am blogging this. There is a lot on my mind about abuse atm and this came out first.
Take care all
So long and thanks for all the fish7 Comments Viewed 115087 times
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Sorry you are feeling like this. At least part of you knows it's not true, I guess that part of your mind still has to convince the rest to see it that way. Stay dapper!
Dx: Bipolar II Disorder, Rapid Cycling, Anxiety NOS
Thanks so much hon
That's interesting that you see yourself that way because of the abuse (I think you are quite cute and attractive personally, your self-view isn't accurate) because I have had the opposite. I feel TOO attractive and like people can't stop trying to get an eyeful of me, it makes me feel really self conscious and I have put on weight because I want to be less attractive. I think one thing is for certain and that is that abuse will polarize how we see ourselves into something that is extreme and unhealthy.
In a way, I am not defined by my dissociation. In a way, I am.
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You are right Salted, I think it does polarise our thinking about ourselves in so many ways. I am sorry you also have issues with your appearence too. Thank you for understanding - tho I am sorry that you do.
I have similar problems, although I am a male. I gained tremendous weight as a child due to risperdal. What helped me was getting on a good diet and exercise plan. I went from being 190 to 135 in 4 months by eating healthy and running 5 miles plus everyday.
Thank you Maenad
I have no such problems since i really couldn't care less what other people think, might think, will think or should think.
Therefor i don't think about what people think, therefor i am as attractive as i want to be.
Life is as hard as you want to make it.
There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
Thanks Petrossa - that is an interesting way of looking at it and wise as usual.
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