So this is my first post here. I don't know why anyone would want to read my thoughts, but if you do, you're welcome here. I suppose this kind of blog is more for the writer than for the reader, isn't it?

The reason I made an account on this site was to share a few of my problems and thoughts with other people who had my problem - with other pedophiles. A basic rundown of who I am: I'm fairly young, younger than 35, let's say. I have a college degree and am involved in post-graduate work. Ever since I was 14 or 15, I've had an attraction to young girls - I guess of around 10 to 13 years of age. Like many of you, I've never acted on my feelings, partly out of a respect for the law but mainly for moral reasons: I don't believe any kind of sexual relationship between an adult and a child can be free of coercion, and the dangers of emotional injury to the child are too great. Psychology isn't my field, so I won't pretend I'm an expert on this, but it does seem like common sense. So the most I've ever done is notice young girls, which I guess is more or less harmless.

I don't have any issues controlling my desires. I've never felt anything like an overwhelming urge to have a relationship with a young girl, so I've never been tempted to offend. I used to think everything would be fine in that case - I could simply live my life like a normal person, be like my family and friends. The older I've gotten, though, the more I've realized just how much my feelings define who I am. I've also found that not being able to tell anyone about my feelings, out of a lack of trust or because they probably just wouldn't understand, truly hurts. When I talk to my parents, my closest relatives and friends, they all think I'm this normal guy who's just too busy to be involved with a relationship with an adult woman right now. None of them truly know me.

I guess this is generally true of everyone. We all have those secret parts of ourselves that we hide from others. But some of those secrets are more serious than others. And this secret in particular, the secret feelings that I have about young girls - if those were ever found out somehow (how, I have no idea, but somehow) it would be a disaster. Society, at least here in the US, seems to agree these days that it's best to come out with your problems and talk things out to a resolution, to confide in your family and friends. But people like us can't really confide in anyone, short of a therapist or possibly a religious counselor. It's a lonely feeling.

I don't know what else to say about this. I always do my best to pack these thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind by taking on a lot of work and side projects. But these thoughts never go away.