I hate my old blog entry. I don't even remember writing it. In fact I can't look into my history in comments because I can't remember anything that I wrote previously. I can't remember a lot of this last year. Really, of the last 3 years. That is very concerning to me.
I can't remember my wedding day, except for a few flashes. I DEFINITELY don't remember my wedding night. I don't remember a lot of my dating history. The main thing I remember before all of this was when I was about 18 1/2 to 19 1/2 yrs old.
Even then, it's spotty.
I'm sure this is normal. When I try to read about what I wrote here previously, I get a very bad headache and start to get panic attacks. Don't get me wrong, I remember some "glimpses"... like corners of pages. I remember the ASPD forum way better than everything else, but even then I don't remember a lot.
I'm terrified. My life is about to take another turn, and now on top of that I have this weird phobia of hospitals and my health that I never had before. I feel angry all the time, I am not as religious as I used to be.
There is still some of me here, but I feel... different.
I don't like this. Not at all. How much more of my life am I going to forget? What if I have a child? Will I forget them too?
Of course, with the health difficulties I am now having, there is a possibility I will no longer be able to have children. That will greatly effect my mental health.
Let's hope I'm wrong.
Xoxo
Alice