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kalley1618
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Unsupervised.
   Thu Apr 18, 2013 5:54 am

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high to low functioning

Permanent Linkby kalley1618 on Wed Mar 20, 2013 7:15 am

if that's even possible? i used to consider myself high functioning. as of lately i'm not so sure.
for about two weeks now i've been doing absolutely nothing all week (hardly even leaving the house)
and then partying the entire weekend. nothing new if you read my last blog post.

i hadn't cut myself in months. and just this week i've cut myself four times, rather deeply; and one cigarette burn. which was right on the big vein in my wrist and it's a deep burn.. so i'm worried.

i don't see a point to life anymore. i don't think it's to the point of acting on my urges, but i definitely think about dying a lot. how people would react, who would get my belongings, who would attend my funeral, what the afterlife would be like, i've gone so far as to writing my suicide note and will.

i've been waking up from terrible nightmares almost every night now. sometimes they're about things that haven't happened, sometimes they're about things that have.. i'm also getting wayy too much sleep.

and then there's my emotions. i'll be raging for maybe only 30 seconds before i become absolutely hysterical. sobbing and hyperventilating to the point of vomiting. typically i get upset over nothing

i can't be alone at all anymore. it's to the point of following my boyfriend into the bathroom when he takes a shower so i don't have to be by myself for that half hour.

never have i called a crisis hotline (i have my pride you know) but if things keep going the way they're going, they'll be hearing from me before the week is over. who knows, maybe i'll end up back in treatment. it wouldn't be the worst thing, i actually like it there :wink:

=^-.-^=
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