It’s been a good day. Just like yesterday, and I ended up cutting my skin by night, I’m not sure what’s the reason but every time I have a good day and I feel happy by the end of the day the heaviness comes back, reading blogs about sexual abuse, adoption sometimes helps and sometimes brings some of the feelings I forgot I had, the last time I cut myself was in highschool I’ve graduated then to cigarettes, sleeping pills, lyrica and trich.. funny thing is that all this time I had no idea why do I do all that, how did it all start the beginning is all cloudy but then I start to feel this sense of comfort and relaxation after a smoke or 4 pills or pulling my hair.. I’m trying to stop now, and I think trying to stop it all at once brought me back to self injury.. I need therapy, the more I deny it the more I find new reasons that tells me I need it if I want to recover, and keep the people I love in my life..but then why should I care about keeping them if they want to leave, why should I stop someone who wants to leave so I can resent myself? I already feel like nothing and worthless, and needing someone makes me feel weak and that they have some sort of control over me, and if they leave I’ll have nothing..