I really thought this time would be different. I thought the calm, the normal feeling I get after coming down, would stay. I'm depressed, agitated, upset and unable to focus. My memory is in the toilet. I'm irritable as hell, and so angry. I talked to my aunt and I feel so jealous of her children and nieces. They're attractive, fit and are going somewhere. I'm actually jealous of two who are strippers. Why am I jealous of that?!
I feel like nothing. A fat piece of nothing. And I had a lot of unprotected sex this month. I've been seriously considering getting a drink, popping a pill or going back to bulimia. I'm so miserable on my insides, I just want my outsides to match. I'm moving back near family in a month, but I don't know why. What's the point??? They don't care about me, and I'm shunned. I feel distraught because I don't know what to do right now. Considered admitting myself, but I can't right now.