Restless

I really thought this time would be different. I thought the calm, the normal feeling I get after coming down, would stay. I'm depressed, agitated, upset and unable to focus. My memory is in the toilet. I'm irritable as hell, and so angry. I talked to my aunt and I feel so jealous of her children and nieces. They're attractive, fit and are going somewhere. I'm actually jealous of two who are strippers. Why am I jealous of that?!

I feel like nothing. A fat piece of nothing. And I had a lot of unprotected sex this month. I've been seriously considering getting a drink, popping a pill or going back to bulimia. I'm so miserable on my insides, I just want my outsides to match. I'm moving back near family in a month, but I don't know why. What's the point??? They don't care about me, and I'm shunned. I feel distraught because I don't know what to do right now. Considered admitting myself, but I can't right now.

Hugs hon - it does not sound like you are very well. How come you cant go into hospital? It might be that is a good place for you to be as it is a safe and hopefully supportive environment.

Please keep talking to us as well as getting 3D help - can you urgently see your psych?

Keep safe

Hugs

Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote:Hugs hon - it does not sound like you are very well. How come you cant go into hospital? It might be that is a good place for you to be as it is a safe and hopefully supportive environment.

Please keep talking to us as well as getting 3D help - can you urgently see your psych?

Keep safe

Hugs

Cracked

Thanks Cracked! I'm feeling really blah right now. I have a lot on my plate. I need to move in a few weeks, trying to start school. I have people that depend on me, and I need to keep my stuff together until I can move closer to friends and family. Then I think I could go in. I'm just trying to maintain my mood and be patient with myself.

It definitely sounds like you have a lot going on but remember first and foremost to take care of yourself. "Fill up your own cup first the nourish others with the overflow"

If you want to talk ever feel free to PM me

Hugs

Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote:It definitely sounds like you have a lot going on but remember first and foremost to take care of yourself. "Fill up your own cup first the nourish others with the overflow"

If you want to talk ever feel free to PM me

Hugs

Cracked

Thanks Cracked for understanding! I'll send you an email now. I won't be back home for an hour or so, as I'm going to the store. It's hard to take care of myself right now. I have little support and a crap storm is still hitting me from the last hypomanic episode a few months ago.

Striveformore, I'm sorry. I too am in that depressed area as well and also facing a move in about five weeks. Cracked gave great advice and I'm here too if you need. Maybe we can bounce ideas off each other for our moves coming up.

This is water wrote:Striveformore, I'm sorry. I too am in that depressed area as well and also facing a move in about five weeks. Cracked gave great advice and I'm here too if you need. Maybe we can bounce ideas off each other for our moves coming up.

Thank you, and I'm sorry you're going through the same stuff. Moving takes me out of my comfort zone. I get used to how things are and it bothers me. So many uncertainties. I hate when things change sometimes.

Oh wow I'm the same way! I prefer a schedule. If I'm manic or hypo the idea of adventure, being spontaneous, etc... are so appealing but honestly structure is something that I need, no matter how much I might not want it. Lately I can't fall asleep at a decent hour which means waking up at odd times and that throws off everything else. The move means everything will be off including the people who usually surround me.