Afraid to be diagnosed because of meds

Okay, so I feel like I have bipolar II, not bipolar I because I'm it doesn't interfere with my life too much at the current moment. I was wondering if anyone else could relate to some of the things that I've been experiencing the past few months that I hadn't noticed too much before.

I feel like I can only have friends who are bipolar/ADHD, or have somewhat manic personalities. I get bored with "normal" people, and can't spend too much time with them, because I'll either start to get depressed or go into a mania type state where they just think I'm insane and hyper. This especially refers to boyfriends. 2 out of 3 boyfriends I've had have been bipolar, I never was bored with the first two and felt that I could relate to them, but my third boyfriend I just got bored with because he got lazy and didn't want to go on adventures, I also got bored of sex with him.

When in a more mania style mood I am more impulsive and want to take long trips, sometimes I do. Last week I decided to go to NYC to see a concert a day before the concert. I'm 18 and living with my mother. The next day I took some money and went on the three hour trip in my car and on the train to get to the city alone with just the clothes on my back and 40 dollars left for a 30 dollar concert. I ended up not eating all day and moshed for 3 hours or so (I'm a five foot tall girl), made out with a random guy, got high, and ended up almost going out to eat and sleeping on the couch of a random couple I met at the concert (I was down from my high by then).

I also tend to get extremely hyper at night and want to go for long drives to visit friends three or so hours away, or go for runs in the dark/swim at night at around 11 pm or 12. On the downside of what I believe is my mania I would have extreme rages which would end up with me breaking things in the house, often glass or mirrors, and I would lock myself in my room so I wouldn't hurt anyone else. These would often end with my crying, but I could feel the energy radiating out of me in every way. I've gotten rid of most of my rage through smoking small amount of marijuana throughout the week or month. It also helps me get to sleep, because I can never get into REM sleep without having nightmares, and my nightmares are weird. I usually get to sleep by going to sleep in a bright room or where there's music playing to help prevent REM sleep and the nightmares.

If anyone else can relate to these things I'd love to know, because I am afraid of the side effects of all the meds and am not a fan of talking to therapists. However if no one does have experiences like this through bipolar disorder I will delete this post because it would not be relevant to the thread.

eh. for me, meds are better than the craziness that they replaced.

well, mostly replaced.
toned down.
but definitely better than that.

also you don't HAVE to take meds even after being diagnosed. you can try to manage through therapy and stuff.

I feel slightly guilty for responding to this. I don't want to scare you off.

xrosesaregreenx wrote:Okay, so I feel like I have bipolar II, not bipolar I because I'm it doesn't interfere with my life too much at the current moment. I was wondering if anyone else could relate to some of the things that I've been experiencing the past few months that I hadn't noticed too much before.

I don't think you understand the difference between the 2 types. I have type 2 and it DOES interfere with my life. The difference between the 2 types isn't how bad it interferes with life. The difference is what part of the cycle is more prominent. With type 2 the depressive cycle is more prominent.

I feel like I can only have friends who are bipolar/ADHD, or have somewhat manic personalities. I get bored with "normal" people, and can't spend too much time with them, because I'll either start to get depressed or go into a mania type state where they just think I'm insane and hyper. This especially refers to boyfriends. 2 out of 3 boyfriends I've had have been bipolar, I never was bored with the first two and felt that I could relate to them, but my third boyfriend I just got bored with because he got lazy and didn't want to go on adventures, I also got bored of sex with him.

You would find me boring.


Listen, if you don't want meds or therapy, what's the point of getting diagnosed? Diagnoses exist only for matching patients with treatments. I don't necessarily agree with your assessment that you might be bipolar. I do think that there might be something going on and I believe talking to a professional about it would be beneficial...but only if you accept treatment.