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manipulative vs. bipolar

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manipulative vs. bipolar

Postby davidc » Sun Apr 24, 2011 5:28 am

Hello I've recently found out my wife was bipolar thru her parents and when I took hepr to go see a doc she manipulated him into thinking she was fine and I was the one that needed some help ... so I told my wife that that was the.last straw and told her we were separating for good and then she.finally admitted she was bipolar. Well my question is if she can do that what else can she do ??? I am the type of person that enjoys helping others it brings satisfaction. I was a trouble maker as a youth and I've done a complete 180 in life. I just finished this book on bpd and it said that she probably chose me as her husband cuz of these characteristics. So I'm a u.s. citizen and she's a foreigner so it got me thinking. It feels like after she.admitted it she's kinda changed. The book also said that people with bp are more likely to cheat on their spouses ... is this true ??? Are people with bpd really manipulative ??? And to what degree ??? Are they faithful to their spouses ??? Please give me some insight cuz I'm really doubting her after I found all this out .. I would highly appreciate it
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Re: manipulative vs. bipolar

Postby giraffelover » Sun Apr 24, 2011 10:21 am

davidc wrote:The book also said that people with bp are more likely to cheat on their spouses ... is this true ??? Are people with bpd really manipulative ??? And to what degree ??? Are they faithful to their spouses ??? Please give me some insight cuz I'm really doubting her after I found all this out .. I would highly appreciate it

We all have impulses to do that type of thing, as well as go shopping and buy everything in the store that looks good on us. If she is properly medicated, she should not have these impulses as they are actually manic episodes.
As far as being manipulative, I never tried to disprove my diagnosis. I just wanted to feel "normal". I just wish someone had not waited until I was 32 to diagnose me. I think manipulation is more of a personal trait not necessarily the disorder. I wish you the best of luck.
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Re: manipulative vs. bipolar

Postby davidc » Sun Apr 24, 2011 9:06 pm

Are you a female or make cuz I'm trying to get a girls perspective on this ??? Was it her just being in denial or was it her just being straight manipulative ??? I can't trust her anymore after I read that book ... but even before I've always felt that she would cheat on me if she thought I cheated on her (she's repeatedly tied me this also) even if I really didn't and it was just her own paranoid thoughts of me cheating .... which I think is unfair to me ... I mean if I did she has every right to do also but I wouldn't I would of just left the marriage rather than live s double life of lies ... and her being so fearful of everything and shy to people (panic attacks, anxiety, insomnia, fear of strangers) is this a act she's putting on if is it really her ??? How can a person so shy and fearful and anxious cheat ??? Was she playing me for a fool ??? What other impulses do bp people have ??? Cuz she doesn't go shopping much even if I give her money ... she's afraid of anything wild like fast cars or driving fast .. she's get panic attacks if I drive fast or even if she rides a boat .... she does talk real fast sometimes not much only when she's nervous and meets new people she over talks but I think she does that to try to cover up her fear of them or cuz of her securities of them thinking she's weird ... so I really don't know what to do .... what do think ???
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Re: manipulative vs. bipolar

Postby maddogmaddy » Sun Apr 24, 2011 11:54 pm

Hi David, it sounds like you've got quite a lot on your plate.
From the little I know, I have to say, the things you seem most concerned about (manipulation, etc) are often stereotypes of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), not Bipolar. You mentioned the things you read in this book; I'm curious, what exactly was the nature of this book?
I say that to say this; there are stereotypes that every disorder gets stuck with. Some of them are true. Some of them are not. Some of them can act as a good tool for detecting an illness (ie, diagnosis), some can ruin a person's reputation in the eyes of others.

First and foremost, you have to remember this: every person with a mental illness is still a unique individual, the same as anyone else out there. Mental illness can act easily as a solid reason for why a person acts the way he she does; it can just as easily act as a poor excuse for a person's actions. A lot of times, it's hard to tell the difference. There is a fine line between many things; denial and manipulation are two of those things.

Here's what I would recommend.....and keep in mind, this will not give you an immediate answer or relief, rather a push in the right direction to figure all this out.
Talk with her. Be open and honest about your concerns. Ask questions. Be understanding and receptive. Explain to her that to get better, she also has to be open and honest about everything. Research. I can't say enough how important it is for the both of you to be knowledgeable on the subject. If she's Ok with it, go to dr appts with her as well so you can gain a better understanding of it all. And again; remember that you cannot put anyone (mentally ill or not) into a box of stereotypes and expect everything to fit.
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