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Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

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Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby b28 » Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:17 pm

I'll start with a little about me. I'm a 28 year old woman. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about two years ago. I am on Lamictal and Seroquel and have been feeling good and stable for quite a while until just recently. My husband's ex-wife is moving in next door to us. To say the least, she is very manipulative, mean, and difficult to get along with. She has been a major source of stress on my husband and I. They have two children together, ages 13 and 15. I am [b]very[b] stressed about her being our neighbor. We can not trust her in regards to almost everythin so it is very uncomfortable seeing her there and knowing she is there. I have become depressed ever since she got the keys(Nov. 24th) and started moving stuff in. I feel like crying a lot, feel extremely sad, and completely helpless. I feel helpless b/c we can't afford to move right now. We had already been looking for another house before this because we have outgrown ours, but we really need to move now and we can't do it. There's nothing we can do to get away from this stress. I've tried and tried to come up with a way to think about the situation that would make it not seem so bad, but I can't come up with anything. I've been mentally preparing myself for her to move in and most of the time feel like I am coming to terms with it, but every time I see her over there moving stuff in , it hits me all over again and I feel like crying. I really don't want to feel like this, but I can't seem to shake it. Sometimes I feel so helpless and frustrated that I want to cut my wrists just to feel some relief. I've only done it once before when we were have bad marital issues. That was about 3 years ago. I feel like things are really getting bad for me mentally and don't see any way to feel better. I might be wrong , but I don't think I should try to have my dose of meds upped or anything due to environmental factors so I don't know what else would help.

Any advice, support, ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much
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Re: Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby jasmin » Sat Dec 04, 2010 5:07 pm

B28, try to show her that you don't care. Try to get some power over her, make her feel ignored, make it seem like you're absolutely fine. Does she have custody of the kids?
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Re: Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby agirlbyanyothername » Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:23 pm

I’m sorry you’re going through an emotional time right now. Are you and your husband on the same page as far as his ex-wife being manipulative and mean? I would sit down with your husband and come up with a game plan on how to handle various situations with his ex-wife. The two of you probably have a good idea what kind of tricks she has up her sleeves, so this way you can be prepared for them as they arise.

In the meantime I agree with Jasmin. Even if it’s all a façade, you need to come across as though you’re not bothered. I would try to take another perspective on this. How sad is this woman? She is so needy and intent on petty vengeance that she’s moving in next door for the sole purpose of wreaking havoc on your lives. She’s centering her life on making your lives miserable. If you could reframe her manipulative and mean behavior for the sad and pitiful acting out that it truly is, it might make it easier for you to stomach her presence.

I would also still discuss the possibility of adjusting your medication. I know your distress is being caused by environmental factors, but if you’re being pushed over the edge it might be worth investigating.
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Re: Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby b28 » Thu Dec 09, 2010 4:26 am

Jasmin- thank you so much for your advice, that's one thing that I have been able to do-act like it doesn't bother me. She and my husband have 50/50 custody and have had ever since their divorce 13 years ago. (The kids stay with us for one week, then their mom one week and so on.)
agirlbyanyothername-thank you very much for your support and advice. My husband and I are definately on the same page. He's very upset and stressed too just as much as I am if not more.

On Dec. 2nd, it got so bad that I started having bad chest pains, shortness of breath, and nausea. It was an awful almost unbearable feeling. I went to my family doctor the next day (he has been my doctor my whole life, he actually delivered me when I was born) and told him about the situation and how bad my anxiety had gotten. He gave me a 2 week prescription for xanax to take up to three times a day as needed. He was very understanding, supportive and concerned. He advised me to see my psychiatrist so the he can further deal with meds and advised me to see my therapist again which I had planned on anyway. Anyways, I'm doing quite a bit better. The xanax helped and I think I am very slowly starting to adjust to seeing her vehicle there and knowing she's there. I'm still really uncomfortable and stressed, but am doing better. I would still love to hear anyone's input/advice/support/etc as it is still difficult to deal with
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Re: Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby jasmin » Thu Dec 09, 2010 12:41 pm

I'm so glad you're doing better! B28, do you think she might be triggering you about something or someone from your past?
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Re: Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby b28 » Sun Dec 12, 2010 5:04 am

jasmin--No, it's her...I'd never known or encountered anyone like her until I met my husband 7 years ago. She's so cold hearted, self-centered, difficult, manipulative, mean, and hurtful. She has been a huge source of stress for me and my husband through out the past 7 years. She has been so mean so it's really hard knowing she's there and seeing her all the time. Ugh.
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Re: Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby jasmin » Sun Dec 12, 2010 9:48 am

Oh, man, she sounds like a nightmare :( At least you can be near the kids.
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Re: Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby hope7951 » Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:56 pm

I'd go to a continguincy lawyer and sue thenunder the tort "intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress" - Back it with doctor's statements. Show them you are not fooling around and take every dime they have and put it toward's your kids education.
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Re: Husband's ex moving in next door-very stressed

Postby agirlbyanyothername » Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:19 pm

hope7951 wrote:I'd go to a continguincy lawyer and sue thenunder the tort "intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress" - Back it with doctor's statements. Show them you are not fooling around and take every dime they have and put it toward's your kids education.



Is it possible to sue someone for being a mean and awful person? It might require more than a doctor’s note to prove that someone is intentionally causing emotional distress. If the ex-wife is harassing the OP and her husband that would be another story. They could keep detailed documentation of each occurrence, make formal complaints to law enforcement and request a restraining order. That would probably hold up better in court.

Having said that, I doubt the OP would want to take that route. Regardless of how awful this woman is, she’s still the mother of her husband’s children. This complicates matters severely. The OP didn’t mention how old the children are, but I imagine that would cause a ripple in the family. The move could also backfire; the ex-wife might attempt full custody of their children or cause further drama.

B28, can you give examples as to what this woman has done to disrupt your lives? Has she done anything recently since moving in or has she kept to herself? It might help to know details about her behavior. If she’s doing things that are bordering on harassment than maybe Hope’s right and there are legal actions you can take?
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