I don't know if I'm going through some different form of mania, or a mixed episode, or what... Since last week I've been so happy - not manic, just content, calm, productive. I genuinely felt good. Yesterday afternoon I could feel that fading, slightly, and by last night I was a little overly emotional. I was able to pull myself out of it through sheer willpower. This morning, I feel "dark". I'm not angry, upset, nothing like that. But the reason I mentioned mania...I feel invincible. I'm not giddy or excited, which is what normally accompanies this feeling. I feel somber, yet very powerful. I have the need to do something great, something extreme. In all honesty, I want to join the military. I know that's not realistic for several reasons; one being, they simply wouldn't take me with my diagnosis.
I have to find some way, some productive way, to release this energy and to act on these feelings. I'm not content with just ignoring it until it goes away. I'm tired of doing that.
Dx: Schizoaffective - Bipolar Type, Rapid Cycling
Mother of three
Electrical Maintenance Student
Country music singin, cowboy boot wearin red-headed midwestern sweetheart <3