Introduction and Some Questions.

Hello Everyone! I just started to join the forum for support and all that good stuff!

I have been Bipolar, diagnosed at the age of 22, I am now 25. I was diagnosed when I was put into the hospital for lets just say, not wanting to live anymore. I was 15,000$ in credit card debt.. and am now about 100,000$ in school loan debt (i was taking loan after loan after loan out, not for school supplies, but for my own spending habits.) At the time I had a terrible relationship I was in that i kept going back in even after he cheated dozens of times (i know, stupid me).. I can be so happy one minute, extremely depressed the next. And sometimes, Im completely fine and happy with life. About a year ago i started to date someone new, and even though i display signs of bipolar and cycle at times, I can honestly say I have improved, without drugs. I hate taking medication, I hate the side effects etc. I know everyone knows the whole speel on here, so i dont have to go into deep conversation. I just sometimes have really bad days and some GREAT days where i just love to SPEND!!! Im just trying to find my happy medium.

I have a question though... I know when im being manic while im manic (spending money, not sleeping, minds going a million miles a minute, and i obsess over do it yourself probjects then stop after a few days! bahhh that kills me!) However, when im spiraling down to a depression I dont notice it until it affects my daily life. For the past few days Ive been in a weird mood, very quiet (unlike me!), not wanting to be close with my boyfriend (u know what i mean ) .. not wanting to work (i usually have no problem getting up for work or wanting to go, i love my job!) and.. not eating half as much as i usually do!.. and then the tears come, and come and come and come and its over silly things (it is not PMS, i just got over my monthly friend only 3 days ago) Me being sad, turned into being very upset, driving off from my boyfriends house and just driving.. until i cant drive anymore. He feels very pushed away and i cant help myself. Ive been crying all day, i left work early because i have been teary eyes all morning.. i just dont want to do anything.. Besides not wanting to do anything and crying, are there any warning signs that let you know y"i should be owrired about a depression coming on??

Ive apologized to my boyfriedn over my actions, and he accepts me for me and hugs me.. he knows its my disorder, i just still get upset that i can be so childish at times ..or completely happy at times. I just started trazodone for sleeping and its also an anti-depressant so im hoping this works. I take it at night so i dont feel the effects during the day..

not having such a great few days!

My friend, if you can recognise any pattern to your moods, then that would be a great start to getting things under control. If you could anticipate when a bad mood would come, you could change how you approaoach different things in your life. Anticipating them isn't a necessity though, but recognising the bad mood when it arrives IS. Once you know that it has arrived, you should - again - approach everything differently. In effect, it would be like having two personalities, and each has a different way of doing things.

I do not have bipolar, but my moods do go in 'waves' due to the condition that I have. I recognised when the bad/good moods arrived, however, and altered the way I behaved deopending on which mood I was in. The bipolar might not ever be gone from your life, so learn as much about it as possible.

Kevin

I completely agree. I try my hardest to understand the signs when their coming, but most times I dont realize until I have already caused some havoc. Something to work on i suppose.

Yes, I understand, and I believe there are many in the same boat as you. Learning about yourself can be your next challenge, I guess. It might seem strange, but so many out there dont' really understand themselves, which is why they can run themselves into the ground occasionally. Please try your best anyway.

Kevin