This is one of the major problems I've had with my bipolar disorder. I was only recently diagnosed about 2 years ago (and it was genetic and I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with this since I was born). Not only do I feel as though I fail at every relationship, I also am easy to push away good friends, family members, co-workers, etc. I call it shut down mode. I feel like if anybody gets close enough to actually see how I feel sometimes, they will be terrified. And I also feel if I let anybody stay close to me, I will hurt myself, or them emotionally. I don't feel stable enough to keep anybody close.
A good example of this, just yesterday (me already being depressed over money issues) I tell my boyfriend I don't have enough money for gas to come see him this weekend, and it's the only time we see each other is on weekends. I asked what we could work out, if he could come to see me or if I could borrow a little bit of cash to help with my drive. He said to just stay home because neither one of us needs to spend a dime because of an upcoming trip we are taking. I automatically felt rejected, as though he could care less if he got to see me or not even mattered. I tried my best to keep it in but I had to politely ask him if I were able to come up with some gas money would it even matter, because of how I felt about it. He automatically went off on me and got really upset, now we haven't spoken in days. This happens a lot. I often tend to shut down and put up a barrier because over a small situation like this, it has erupted into both of us being hurt or angry. I've had these kinds of problems with every relationship, friendship. I try my best to explain myself, how I am, my issues, and every quirk I posses from GO, to prevent these things.. but it's really a matter of finding someone that understands you, and knows what to say and when to say it.