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Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

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Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby MrManic » Sun May 02, 2010 8:43 am

If so, how do you explain this to them?

For the past year or so, I've been withdrawing from family and friends, more so than ever. It took it's tole on my relationship with "the one"... she felt neglected and began to resent me. She ended up leaving me two months ago.

Since she's been gone, I've been going to therapy... and WHAMO... they're about to diagnose me with Bipolar. Suddenly most of my life is starting to make sense to me.

I still can't figure out how/why I would withdrawal so much from someone I loved dearly. I'm still trying to figure out how to explain some of this to her... but I can't seem to find the right words.

I plan to talk with the therapist more about this... but in the meantime, I'm curious to hear about other peoples experiences.
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Re: Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby charlie123 » Sun May 02, 2010 2:27 pm

Hmm, I have left her about 10 times - pretty much every second month. I just disappear out of her life, and then return unexpected a month or 6 later. She has never worked it out, and I havent quite seen her since being on medication.

I would think that honestly might be the way to address it. "Hi, how are you? Sorry about last year. I am now on medication and seeing a therapist about my problems. Could we get together some time?" I wouldnt use bipolar as an excuse - she possibly knows that already - what is important is that you are getting treated for whatever your problem is.

And then maybe some flowers. I dont understand it, but they love flowers!

Obviously, she might be seeing someone else by now, and he might be bigger than you, in which case flowers might not be such a great idea :)
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Re: Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby MrManic » Mon May 03, 2010 12:05 am

charlie123 wrote:Hmm, I have left her about 10 times - pretty much every second month. I just disappear out of her life, and then return unexpected a month or 6 later. She has never worked it out, and I havent quite seen her since being on medication.

I would think that honestly might be the way to address it. "Hi, how are you? Sorry about last year. I am now on medication and seeing a therapist about my problems. Could we get together some time?" I wouldnt use bipolar as an excuse - she possibly knows that already - what is important is that you are getting treated for whatever your problem is.

And then maybe some flowers. I dont understand it, but they love flowers!

Obviously, she might be seeing someone else by now, and he might be bigger than you, in which case flowers might not be such a great idea :)



Yes, she's seeing someone else now, but he's not bigger than I am. She also lives several hours away so we can't "get together". She acts like she still wants to be friends, so at least I have that going for me.

I don't think it gives me a free pass, but it's hard not using Bipolar as an excuse because it is the very reason she left. It's hard finding out I have an illness that caused me to push away the very person I cared about the most.
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Re: Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby charlie123 » Mon May 03, 2010 6:48 am

If she left you because you are bipolar, she probably knows it. What is important to her is that you are getting treated for whatever was wrong with you, and things will be better next time. I always think an apology is worth more if it doesnt sound like an excuse.

Don't rush. I know how you feel. We have all been through it. You think you have solved your problems, but you havent. You want to use Bipolar as an excuse, but it isnt. The first month or 2 was very confusing for me, even though I didnt think so at the time. Relax, give the medication a chance for a month or 2, and think it through rationally. Being bipolar, you are probably used to acting irrationally - I certainly did.
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Re: Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby MrManic » Wed May 05, 2010 3:45 am

charlie123 wrote:If she left you because you are bipolar, she probably knows it. What is important to her is that you are getting treated for whatever was wrong with you, and things will be better next time. I always think an apology is worth more if it doesnt sound like an excuse.

Don't rush. I know how you feel. We have all been through it. You think you have solved your problems, but you havent. You want to use Bipolar as an excuse, but it isnt. The first month or 2 was very confusing for me, even though I didnt think so at the time. Relax, give the medication a chance for a month or 2, and think it through rationally. Being bipolar, you are probably used to acting irrationally - I certainly did.



Thanks charlie123,

I was acting pretty irrational to begin with. I have sent a couple apologies without using my problems as an excuse. I guess I just want her to know that it was not her... and that my problems didn't really have anything to do with what was going on in our relationship. I'm trying to take things slow and think things through. Thanks for the good advice.

Still a bit curious to hear others experiences.
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Re: Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby ambified » Thu May 06, 2010 7:56 pm

This is one of the major problems I've had with my bipolar disorder. I was only recently diagnosed about 2 years ago (and it was genetic and I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with this since I was born). Not only do I feel as though I fail at every relationship, I also am easy to push away good friends, family members, co-workers, etc. I call it shut down mode. I feel like if anybody gets close enough to actually see how I feel sometimes, they will be terrified. And I also feel if I let anybody stay close to me, I will hurt myself, or them emotionally. I don't feel stable enough to keep anybody close.
A good example of this, just yesterday (me already being depressed over money issues) I tell my boyfriend I don't have enough money for gas to come see him this weekend, and it's the only time we see each other is on weekends. I asked what we could work out, if he could come to see me or if I could borrow a little bit of cash to help with my drive. He said to just stay home because neither one of us needs to spend a dime because of an upcoming trip we are taking. I automatically felt rejected, as though he could care less if he got to see me or not even mattered. I tried my best to keep it in but I had to politely ask him if I were able to come up with some gas money would it even matter, because of how I felt about it. He automatically went off on me and got really upset, now we haven't spoken in days. This happens a lot. I often tend to shut down and put up a barrier because over a small situation like this, it has erupted into both of us being hurt or angry. I've had these kinds of problems with every relationship, friendship. I try my best to explain myself, how I am, my issues, and every quirk I posses from GO, to prevent these things.. but it's really a matter of finding someone that understands you, and knows what to say and when to say it.
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Re: Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby MrManic » Sat May 29, 2010 10:52 pm

I have come a long way since the original post, and I'm not even on medication yet.

As I become more clear headed, I am able to see that we could have had a wonderful future together if I had only gotten help sooner... and was not self-medicating with weed.

I am not an angry or violent person. I am very hypersexual but I would have never cheated on her. If I wasn't self-medicating I think she would have appreciated the emotions. At the least I could have figured out that I needed some outside help and if I had gone when she was here I know for a fact she would have been more patient with me.

I'm still searching for the right words. I've talked with her a little here and there and she's somewhat receptive. I feel the real me coming out more and more with each passing day. The real me is more fun, caring, and loving than I ever seemed to show her. I want to send her a message, but it's hard finding the right words.
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Re: Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby MrManic » Sat May 29, 2010 11:02 pm

self-deleted
Last edited by MrManic on Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Do you withdrawal from loved ones?

Postby Manic Panic » Sun May 30, 2010 11:34 pm

i had my kids and myself packed and ready to leave my husband on Friday, thank god I realized the mistake I was about to make.
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