When/How to Tell Someone

There is someone I am interested in dating, and last night I found out that she feels the same way, and I'm wondering how to go about telling her that I have bipolar disorder (along with other things). The thing is, treatment has been very successful for me, and I don't feel like this is something that is having a significant impact on my life anymore, but I think it's something she should know about, and the nature of this disorder is that things can be going well for a while before you go into an episode again...

This advice should not be taken, just considered. Also if you take it please ask a few other people, that you know to be wise in the matter.

So take an envelope. Write a letter explaining your disorder and what it causes you to do. Maybe make it somewhat apologetic and romantic as much as it possibly could be while giving the bad news that it is giving.

Give her the sealed envelope with the letter inside of it. Tell her not to open it unless (a) she wants to learn something displeasing about you or (b) you two get into a fight.

Okay I just realized that this might be a super awkward way of doing this. I think the better way is to, instead of using the envelope to tell her, you tell her. Meaning that you ask her whether or not she wants to know something displeasing about you, and then tell her if she wants to know.

By the way I don't think that she would react negatively. And if she does then you might not want to invest any more into your relationship with her. Not that she is then deemed a terrible person or anything like that, but that due to her not willing to be with someone with bipolar, you guys just become incompatible.

But you're probably in love and this is the biggest deal if there were ever such a thing in the world. Meditate on it, ask god/the world/jesus/john cena to allow your decision to be the best possible decision. And then decide with content what you want to do.

Good luck,

Somethingelse

Telling people isn't something I do very well, as I'm pretty guarded about my diagnosis, though I have to say, on the rare occasions I have opened up (most recently to friends and my former boss), it's gone better than expected, and they were understanding and interested. I find it helps to stick to the facts, without going into too much overwhelming detail, and then to let them ask questions. I've also sometimes had to use the older term 'manic depression' for those who didn't know what bipolar disorder was.

I know disclosure can be a difficult thing, and as I said, I avoid it a lot, but I think if someone is close to you and they're important to you, it's ideally something they should be aware of. You can honestly say that treatment has been very successful, and you've been stable for x amount of time, but it's a condition which can reoccur so they should bear that in mind.

Hope this helps. Good luck and let us know how it goes if you decide to disclose. Hugs, if wanted.

I would not tell her until after the first date and then only if it seems likely there will be more dates. I am not encouraging you to be dishonest; if somehow MH became a discussion item, I would come clean then. I would prefer that she see your MH issues through the lens of having had a good time together, instead of experiencing the first date looking through the lens of your MH issues, if that makes any sense.

Yeah UpDownAround, that's definitely what I'd prefer to do, I just want to make sure that's the most appropriate thing.
Thanks everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it. I don't know if this is in the right section, but I just thought since bipolar has more stigma surrounding it, it might be good.
Has anyone faced a similar situation?

I would be honest and upfront with her, bc if you start a new relationship build on lies / or hiding things about yourself, it will come to bite you in the end. Not telling her wouldn't be fair on your part, bc she needs to be making decisions based on the truth of who you are, not who you are pretending to be.

I've been there, I was that girl who made decisions and moved forward with a relationship that was based on lies , deceit and more and more deceit, it didn't end well. She won't trust you in the future if you are not upfront with her. It isn't like you killed someone, you have a disorder, I can think of much worse you could bring into the relationship. When we invest ourselves in other people, we are making decisions based on what we know to be true, if we find out what we know about this person is only half true, then this makes our past decisions invalid.

I told my current bf all about myself , yes all that bad stuff too. I thought it was important and respectful for him to know who I really am. He knows I have a disorder as well as trust Issues, it helps a lot bc they can help you understand yourself and others.

I have learned we should always tell the truth no matter how difficult it seems, and to honest we set ourselves up for the worse bc 9/10 times it really isn't as bad as we see it in our mind. Don't let your mind play tricks on you, be yourself, tell all about who you are, If she doesn't like it then nothing lost, move on. Keep in mind that not everyone will be supportive of accepting of you, may as well know it in the beginning bf investing too much into her. I wish I had had that same respect, bc investing time with people who are not who you think they are is time you could be spending with someone who is. Best of luck, due tell.

There is a difference between lying and dumping all your problems on someone you don't know well before you get to know them. The OP is asking about someone that he will be going out with for the first time.

I wouldn't say anything. I talk to my current bf about my mental health all the time, but I didn't start our relationship like this. I think only if you've had quite a few dates, and if things start getting serious, then you should tell her.