This is my first post, so hello to all!
I find this a very interesting thread because I am always worrying about money and the future. I have been trying to make money working from home but it is a slow process. Four years ago I had my first Psychosis and I was hospitalized. I have been struggling a lot since. I had always had a lot of trouble with working even years before, because I would always be worried that people were thinking bad things of me. I was stressing and panicking a lot and not sleeping.
I stopped work and thought that I would write books. What I realize now was myself going through mania. I was writing about creation and how all was formed, all these things I was seeing in my mind. This of course felt pressure for me because I was then stressed that someone was reading my work and that there would be people after me. Eventually I stopped the writing when I went through Psychosis. The Psychosis lasted a long time and included talking to beings I saw in my head. This led me to not be very focused on anything for many years because I was constantly fighting the thoughts and beings in my head and the feelings I was getting. I found it even hard to get out of bed with the tablets, Olanzapine, for the first year or two. It was hard to even wash myself, to do simple things. It was lucky for me that during writing my book I also made a website for games to try and make money and it makes a small bit. I lost the website and had to rebuild it in the last couple of years. I felt I had to do something to try and make money and pushed myself to do this daily.
Eventually I pushed the doctors into taking me off the tablets. Long story. But I did go off the tablets on my own mostly because they made me have so many side effects, also I panicked a lot thinking they were damaging my brain (haha, bit of laugh, because my brain is probably already that way). I just felt depressed on them. During the Psychosis I had mania constantly, in which now I have again now I have gone off the tablets. I find it hard to go to sleep every night. I feel totally in bliss and happiness, but worried about not sleeping, and that maybe I will have psychosis again.
Talking with my husband we discussed me going to work again for the future. That I needed to do full time work because my husband is 10 years older than me and when he retires we will not be able to get by on the pension that he will be getting. He makes really good money, we can save some, however not enough for our future. I really need to find some way to make money without the stress of full time work and no sleep. To top all off I now live in another country where I had to learn a whole new language, the only jobs I can get if I am lucky are factory jobs.
From the stress of all this I am now not sleeping again, I have an appointment with the doctor Tuesday. I am taking Melatonin which helps a little, but not every night. Some nights I need sleeping pills.
Until I can get sleeping again I am keeping busy with a realistic painting course that I have always wanted to do. It takes another two years and then I will see how I feel then, and how the sleeping goes. Maybe I could do some teaching from home painting, which I have done since I was young.
I come up with new ideas for making money all the time. I full of inspiration, dreams, however I think I imagine things to be more grand than they actually turn out.
My husband and I have discussed getting out of this world before the time we might end up having to struggle. We shall have to see how it goes. It is just lucky we do not have children, or it would be worse.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading your comments. It makes me realize that for people with Bipolar life is a struggle however we fight to get there in the end.