Have full blown depression

I've been going down slowly in mood ever since December of last year. It's already May. I am officially pretty low for it to be considered depression. Oh, sure, I can still smile, but my energy is not what I would like it to be. I get tired very easily. I have no interest in my exercise regimen. I will try to get back on track. You know how hard it can be to get up and start moving in the morning. I am sleeping too much some days. My kids don't know how much it takes for me to "be here" emotionally for them. I take care of meals by making easy meals like crockpot meals such as Pot Roast. Today we went and got Mexican food. That was dinner. Getting over-easy eggs and bacon is a treat around here. The easier way to go is eating plain cereal. I am having the cleaning lady come help me with household chores tomorrow. I need help to tide me over until things get easier and better for me. I am tired of trying to be strong. I decided this when I was thinking that you can go buy a Coach purse for $900, but you refuse to pay for a cleaning lady to get you through a tough time. So I am just paying for the help.

I want to be emotionally well for summer. I want to enjoy the summertime with the kids. It's depression. I will call the doctor tomorrow and see what he says to do. I see and feel the signs of it and I need to ask for his help in the form of medication. There is nothing to depress me. I have like this easy life of a stay-at-home mom and I get a cleaning lady and I can go and have lunch with friends, and I have days where I can exercise. But I am so depressed. I don't want to exercise because I am never in the mood. Sometimes I'll start cleaning and I can't finish because I feel so depressed. I have my friends I have not called in days. I have begun to isolate myself.

I am so sorry you are going through the depression right now. It truly does suck. I'm still dealing with depression even after some drug changes to help get me out of the depression, which is not really working. And I completely understand about having to put on a performance of appearing "normal" around your kids. I don't do anything for my kids in the morning other than cereal, I just can't get it together to do more. But you know what? If they eat cereal everyday that is perfectly fine. And I struggle with getting dinner together as well. Since I'm not working at the moment, I feel obligated to cook dinner, but even when I start back working at the end of the month, I'm sure I'll be the main person having to get dinner together still.

I've come to realize my worst depression tends to happen when there is no reason for me to be depressed. That's how I am now. I want to try to figure out WHY I'm so depressed, why I have crying spells for no reason, then have my husband ask me what's wrong and I can't give a reason. If there was some specific stressor I could pinpoint that's affecting my depression, that would be a lot easier. But sometimes, often times for me, you're just depressed for no reason other than you have bipolar disorder and depression just comes from that. I have a hard time accepting that, even though I know it's true. I hope your doctor is able to tweak your meds to help get you out of this depression. Many hugs to you.

Big hugs for both of you, if wanted.

I know this feeling. When I was getting married I was terrified of being depressed or manic on the Big Day. Luckily it didn't happen. But I am depressed now, for no particular reason. I hardly do anything around the house, which makes me feel guilty, which makes me more depressed. My mouth will smile, but my eyes remain sad -- I am aware of this. Trying my best to put up a front but it's just not working very well.

I hope your doctor can figure out how to help -- for both of you. We're going to tweak my meds again today. It's not that I lost hope, although when depressed I can't see a way out of the black room, I am still finding it difficult to accept that I have an illness that will last a lifetime and possibly get worse with time. I tell myself it is what it is -- I didn't choose to have it, not more than people deciding "cancer is going to be fun, let's get one". But sometimes it just hurts for no particular reason.

Many hugs. I hope your doctor can help you get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible. I'm sure we all know how much depression sucks. It's okay to not do everything you'd normally do when you're depressed. You're not operating at 100%, so it's unrealistic to try and do 100% of your normal activities. Good luck, and keep checking in with us.

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles, Quietgirl. My last full blown depression was in '13 but it still makes me shudder to remember how much pain I was in, so my heart goes out to you and anyone else struggling on at the moment. Like others have said, it's absolutely ok to cut down on your usual activity levels- after all, depression is truly disabling.

I wonder if you have any tried and tested combinations on the meds front you could revisit? For me personally, over the years I've found out that if I'm in a full blown depressive episode, I need an antidepressant on board (mood stabilisers and antipsychotics alone don't touch it), but I also require an antipsychotic to prevent me going manic. If you have anything that's worked for you in the past, you might decide with your pdoc to attempt that route again.

I'm undergoing something of a 'mini low' right now myself actually, I think as a result of going extremely high in my major mixed episode in early March. Some of the familiar symptoms are returning: lethargy, the desire to isolate, and feeling tearful, so it's something I'm keeping an eye on for now. Even in this state it's proving difficult to do my 'normal' activities, so I admire anyone able to 'keep it together' during full blown depression- anyone who manages it must be extremely strong. I hope this episode resolves as soon as possible and you're back to feeling your best. Please keep us updated whenever you can. Hugs to anyone out there who wants one.

Thank you Minerva12. I know you can relate because you are a mom too. Congratulations to you Oliveira on your marriage!!! I know you are going through the same thing or close to it as well. I hope you get relief soon. Voracious lemon, thanks for your words of encouragement. At this time, I can definitely use them. Ennui, thanks for your advice. I will see what the doctor tells me. Pristiq has helped in the past. Brintellix worked too but it had side effects I couldn't tolerate. Hopefully you won't get depressed. I don't wish this on anybody.