New here!

Hi everyone! I'm new to the forums as of today. A bit of background:

I was diagnosed with, and have been living with bipolar disorder for about 12 years now, which is a little under half my life. It started as a major struggle, and factor in a lot of *&#! that went on, I won't go into that now. Before that I was, I believe, wrongly diagnosed with ADHD. I was put on all kinds of different meds to treat the ADHD, and then when the time came, a few to try to treat the BP disorder. I have been with mt husband for all intensive purposes for a little over 12 years, and being BP did not make it an easy 12 years. It's still a challenge, but it's gotten a bit easier recently.

We have no kids, but some animals: 1 cat and 7 parakeets, whom we love like human children.

My husband suffers from sometimes severe depression, and anxiety, and insomnia.

I am looking for a place to, not only get support, but also to be laid back about my disorder. My life has been too tense about it already, and I just don't need more of the same song and dance.

-Kristen

I can't wait to get in on the discussions! See you all around!

Hi Jean,
Welcome to the forum.
Have you been reading the threads posted by others? Is there anything you can identify with? We're all bipolar, but different. I think this diversity makes the community quite rich. Lots of people who just understand. A good place to belong. We aren't always seeking advice. But that reminds me... since being diagnosed, I think my toe nails have been growing faster. Do you think I should cut them more frequently? From your experience, would you say it is due to being bipolar, or a side effect of the medication? Don't answer that. You will come to understand that I am the crazy one. Really though, which is better? Cutting or filing toe nails?

I've been told I have a sense of humor, but not to scare new members away. I really am trying to make you feel welcome, in my own strange way.

Skilsaw.

skilsaw wrote:Hi Jean,
Welcome to the forum.
Have you been reading the threads posted by others? Is there anything you can identify with? We're all bipolar, but different. I think this diversity makes the community quite rich. Lots of people who just understand. A good place to belong. We aren't always seeking advice. But that reminds me... since being diagnosed, I think my toe nails have been growing faster. Do you think I should cut them more frequently? From your experience, would you say it is due to being bipolar, or a side effect of the medication? Don't answer that. You will come to understand that I am the crazy one. Really though, which is better? Cutting or filing toe nails?

I've been told I have a sense of humor, but not to scare new members away. I really am trying to make you feel welcome, in my own strange way.

Skilsaw.

Haha! I have to say that I got a little giggle out of your response. Maybe being bipolar gives us a weird sense of humor. Personally, I cut my toenails, and let everyday wear "file" them smooth. I find myself clipping one toenail more than the others. not sure what that's about!

And if you're the "crazy" one, then I may want to take it easy. I myself have been labeled the crazy person in my life. Granted that was by a non BP, lol. My husband for all intensive purposes doesn't get any of this, and up until now, I felt completely alone. I have read through some of the threads here, and was like, "Am I reading my own text?" It's just so familiar. It's funny because as I typed that I started tearing up a bit because I finally realized how truly alone I felt before. Now I just feel relief.

Just out of sheer curiosity, do you do this? When I get @**!$# off, and I actually mean beyond that, I cry. And it's not that I'm being upset by what or whoever it is in front of me, but because I'm so intensely angry about whatever, that the only outlet short of going to prison for killing this person, is to cry. Which ironically, iritates me even more. It's a vicious cycle really.

Would it be appropriate to ask opinions on a potential tattoo I'm thinking of getting?

Hi Jean, ADHD meds when you have bipolar?! Aren't they basically speed? I have to stay away from decongestants because they send me off on one. You must have been flying!

BP is hard on a relationship. Mr Shark actually prefers me depressed to manic (although I'd say depression is worse). Does mania cause more problems in your relationship? Your husband must understand the lows though? Sorry to hear he's unwell too.

As for tattoos, check out some of the awesome geometric designs on Pinterest. They can be really unique and different.

CloudShark wrote:Hi Jean, ADHD meds when you have bipolar?! Aren't they basically speed? I have to stay away from decongestants because they send me off on one. You must have been flying!

BP is hard on a relationship. Mr Shark actually prefers me depressed to manic (although I'd say depression is worse). Does mania cause more problems in your relationship? Your husband must understand the lows though? Sorry to hear he's unwell too.

As for tattoos, check out some of the awesome geometric designs on Pinterest. They can be really unique and different.

Yeah, I'm not really sure why they didn't catch it; but I think at the time, it was harder to diagnose in kids my age at the time. I think I was 11-ish at the time. I was on Concerta, Strattera, Ritalin, and a couple others I can't remember the names of. I'm now on Risperidone for my BP, and Hydroxyzine for my anxiety, which if I don't take I start hyperventilating in a sort.

As for the hubby, he likes me when I feel like a zombie. Just.....bleh. He also suffers from high levels of anxiety, and usually borrows my Hydroxyzine and it really helps him. He's taking the whole pill, 25mg, and I'm only at a half a pill; unless I'm super crazy. I think it's more so the somewhat rapid cycling that throws him for a loop. I'm just not sure he understands how I go from 0-#!+*& in .0009 of a second. Sometimes, neither do I. But how could he understand? It's like I was just telling my mom, "I don't pretend to understand what it feels like to suffer from PTSD, and you'll never understand what it's like to suffer from BP". You really have to experience something first hand to fully and comprehensively understand what someone is going through.


As for the tattoo, I want something that will symbolize my struggle with BP and depression. I didn't have anyone to bounce ideas off of before, and I was hoping that I could do that here.

Jean20057 wrote:Just out of sheer curiosity, do you do this? When I get p**sed off, and I actually mean beyond that, I cry. And it's not that I'm being upset by what or whoever it is in front of me, but because I'm so intensely angry about whatever, that the only outlet short of going to prison for killing this person, is to cry. Which ironically, iritates me even more. It's a vicious cycle really.

I cried in anger yesterday. You can read all about it in the thread "First Big Tantrum since going off meds."
When I was angry, all I wanted was a fight. But when the wimp hung up on me, I was broken and cried uncontrollably. What was really going on was passion for the volunteer work we do, pain for the people we serve, and frustration for how helpless I felt about our organization.

I thought of getting a tattoo back in the early 1990's. It wasn't cool then. The tattoo I wanted has significant historical meaning and I felt I needed to get in touch with one of the men who got it first and get his permission. My wife was horrified at the thought when I told her. No appreciation of history. The man is in his 90's now. If I'm going to do it, I have to do it soon. This is way more than body art. It is a living memorial to a black day in world history. Now I'm crying.

skilsaw wrote:I cried in anger yesterday. You can read all about it in the thread "First Big Tantrum since going off meds."
When I was angry, all I wanted was a fight. But when the wimp hung up on me, I was broken and cried uncontrollably. What was really going on was passion for the volunteer work we do, pain for the people we serve, and frustration for how helpless I felt about our organization.

I thought of getting a tattoo back in the early 1990's. It wasn't cool then. The tattoo I wanted has significant historical meaning and I felt I needed to get in touch with one of the men who got it first and get his permission. My wife was horrified at the thought when I told her. No appreciation of history. The man is in his 90's now. If I'm going to do it, I have to do it soon. This is way more than body art. It is a living memorial to a black day in world history. Now I'm crying.

Don't you hate the tears that feel just pointless? I hate crying for no reason.

I see all these tattoos for BP: : +/- green ribbons, and a few others, but none of those really speak to me. I want to get something that describes how I feel when I'm manic, and then also how I feel when I'm depressed. But I want to incorporate these two ideas into one tattoo. My better half isn't exactly fond of the idea of me getting another tattoo on top of the one I'll be getting on Sunday. I have 7 parakeets and I am getting a pair of parakeet(budgie) feet and the words "Budgie Mama" above them put on my right wrist. I'll have to figure out how to post a picture when I get it done so you all can see it. I would like to somehow incorporate a BP aspect into it somehow, or get a separate one for this; being that it's such a huge part of me.....

Hi Jean20057, It's great to have you join us. I've been here since early part of 2013. As for the tattoos, I have no real input other than I like flowers and I have one tatto on my left ankle that has a butterfuly landing on a lily. Then the other one is a magnolia flower. That one didn't come out as good as the first one. I go with flowers. But that's just me.

I have been part of this wonderful group and it's such a source of support and you get wonderful words of wisdom offered here too.

It's been some times since that feeling of crying how you explain took a hold of me but it has happened in the past.

My husband is wonderful. He is supportive and caring and kind to me during my depressive times and when manic he is patient. I am trying harder to be a better wife.

I'm glad to see you!

CloudShark wrore: " Hi Jean, ADHD meds when you have bipolar?! Aren't they basically speed? I have to stay away from decongestants because they send me off on one. You must have been flying!

"BP is hard on a relationship. Mr Shark actually prefers me depressed to manic (although I'd say depression is worse). Does mania cause more problems in your relationship? Your husband must understand the lows though? Sorry to hear he's unwell too."

Decongestants, and antihistamines can kick me up.

My wife also prefers me depressed to manic. Makes sense, we're easier to handle then. And I do mean handle -- she's a control freak.

Somebody mentioned it's hard for people to understand us, and it's hard to explain. A while back I wrote how it felt to be manic when I was actually manic. I just posted it on my blog here. I will take a day or two to be approved, but do take a look at it when you can.

It's called "Bipolar Mania" and starts off, "I may be the world’s leading expert on being manic. I’ve had bipolar disorder for at least 50 years (it was correctly diagnosed 40 years ago). During that time I’ve experienced dozens of manias. I’m the introspective type: I think about what’s happening to me, how it differs from my ordinary thoughts and feelings, and how I behave differently. Especially in the last year I’ve become aware of how I perceive and act during manic episodes."

Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone! Having an off day. Already. Everything I every do comes out that I the *$$#@*!. Every single time, no matter what it is. Hubby has a migraine, and can't find pills to take it away. He starts ripping through my organized mess on my side of the bed, and throwing @!~# everywhere. I go in *!##*@!* him out for trashing my stuff, and I the bad guy. I then find the pills in a totally different room, and threw them at him, telling him to quit being such a #@!£ about this. He asked me if they were expired, and I was like, "I don't know, check it". BIG sigh from him, and then him telling me that they are expired and have been for a while. I said well they still work for me, either take them or don't I don't care. He's like, "What else is new?", and I'm like, "No, I don't care about you being an *$$#@!*@! to me every 5 minutes.

This was all following a morning of half hell too. We got new tires on the truck this morning, and the wait was awful. Then we get out to see that traffic was horrible, because it was lunch time. I knew we should have eaten before getting tires, but nooooooooo.
I got up this morning to use the bathroom at about 9:45-ish, and told him after that I was going to get on the computer for a bit before coming back in. He wanted to get the birds up early at that point because he was starving, and wanted to leave for food. I at this point had no clue he wanted to get tires put on his truck.
So he gets *!*$!@ because traffic's bad and now he doesn't want to get food now, but later when the traffic is better. I'm like, well then you shouldn't have 'done everything that occurred this morning' if you were going to get tires first, because you know how long it takes to get any work done here. We should have gotten food first, then tires, the tires would've been there all day, and we could've waited out the bad traffic waiting for our tires to be done.

Now he's all *!$!@# at me because I called him out on all his *!@#. Uuggggh