Our partner

Possible hospitalization

Bipolar Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Otter

Possible hospitalization

Postby voracious_lemon » Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:26 am

I'm getting to be too much of a burden for everyone around me. They're all sick of my crying all day, my screaming at 2am, my snappiness, and my inability to do anything right.
I loathe my pdoc right now because she says "I'm really doing fine." ###$ her.
I can't really be suicidal because I'm immortal. Sometimes I think about it, but then I realized I'm doomed to live forever so attempting would be ######6 stupid on my behalf. My father tried to exorcise me last night when the voices were really bad. It didn't work. I say I don't want to hurt myself, but then in fits I slam my head against doors and bite myself. I'm a really #######5 person and I have hurt the ones I love so much over the past few weeks.
I don't think I need to be hospitalized because they won't have any solutions and I'm not going to kill myself. Everyone I live with seems to think I need to be brought to the ER though.
I feel really calm right now, but for all I know in 5 minutes I'll be yelling at the ######6 cat, screaming at people who aren't there, and trying to scratch my eyeballs out.


The hospital will probably convince me I'm not immortal because that sounds crazy. When I get out I will try to kill myself, and fail, and wind up back in there.
All I saw was the Devil's soul
And it looked a helluva lot like my own
voracious_lemon
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1154
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2015 5:54 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 1:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (10)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby voracious_lemon » Sun Nov 15, 2015 2:32 pm

I need someone to tell me what to do. I should email my pdoc, but I don't know what to tell her. I don't even trust her right now after she said I was doing well at my last appointment. How the ###$ is "I would kill myself if I could" fine?
I'm thinking of just having my mom email her, but I know my mom will throw a hissy fit if I ask her because she's not supposed to be responsible for me meaning she doesn't even think she's supposed to help me.
They just won't stop making noise. I want them to stop.
All I saw was the Devil's soul
And it looked a helluva lot like my own
voracious_lemon
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1154
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2015 5:54 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 1:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (10)

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby MrNobody45 » Sun Nov 15, 2015 3:54 pm

Hi there, looks like you could use some help. I think perhaps you should email your Pdoc. Or if not then email your mom. Nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. If you want to chat just pm me no problem. I really hope things get better for you soon.

Love and Light
MrN
" It's all true
God is an astronaut
Oz is over the rainbow
and Midian is where the monsters live."
Peloquin, Nightbreed.

DX: Schizoaffective Disorder, Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorders.
RX:Valproate 1000mg, Quetiapine 800mg, Temazepam 10mg, Pregabalin 300mg
MrNobody45
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1173
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2011 1:14 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 6:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (12)

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby Ennui » Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:07 pm

Hey,

It sounds as if, by the way you're suffering right now, you really need to reach out for help (with or without your mom's input). I know the prospect of hospitalisation is pretty scary and unwanted, but thinking back to my own, in hindsight I'm just glad I was safe. I know I'm quite late replying to your post, so you've probably already made a decision as to what to do, but I hope you're feeling much more stable soon. Hugs.
'Un ennui...' (Mallarmé)

'Perseverance is power' (Japanese proverb)

'All the world's a stage,/And all the men and women merely players'

Diagnoses: Bipolar affective disorder, GAD

Medications: 800mg Tegretol XR, 5mg Zyprexa
Ennui
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1383
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 2:10 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 6:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby voracious_lemon » Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:33 am

I feel like I've been hospitalized too many times though. I am not even drinking age in the US yet and I have been in the hospital 8 times and I know that's because my outpatient team has majorly sucked in the past (I have different, maybe not better, pdoc and t now). My mom emailed my pdoc and had me read it through. I am now worried that my pdoc won't respond because of confidentiality, but I still don't feel up to calling or emailing. What am I going to say? "###$ you, I am doing horribly!" :?:
I don't know who's going to give me a ride to therapy this week, and no way I can drive myself.
I'm beginning to think my house is haunted too.
All I saw was the Devil's soul
And it looked a helluva lot like my own
voracious_lemon
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1154
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2015 5:54 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 1:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (10)

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby quietgirl2538 » Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:43 am

My best advice is to seek out those who can speak for you and trust them. Like your mom. Just do the best you can do, that's all that can be asked of you. Having bipolar or schizoaffective disorder are illnesses that sometimes you can only wait and see what will happen. Being hospitalized again is ok, just so long as you get better. hugs
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

Bipolar I
ADD (inattentive kind)
*I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable
User avatar
quietgirl2538
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 6025
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2013 2:23 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 1:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (141)

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby theonlyredsmurf » Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:38 am

hospitalisation (what is it with yanks and using zed?) may be on order, my first port of call if available would any outreach numbers available in your area, in Oz so no idea what you have. but based on what's here they can guide you into hospitalisation if that's called for. just did my third stint recently and it did help (I'm still here). Don't wait till it gets unmanageable ring some one and get ahead of this, then when it gets worse you already have the ball rolling. Try and write down a list of what to talk about when you ring and work through it with them. Then look at hospital if needed. aside from that try and stay safe.
Talga Vassternich - Wizard's 8th Rule

Dx: Bipolar II w/ psychosis (Depressive, Mixed, psychotic, hypo-manic)
Other issues: ADD, Tic / Movement disorder, Chronic Sleep Apeona

Meds: Dotherp, Seroquel, Amisulpride, Cabramazipine, Dexamphetamine, Tetrabenzine, Melatonin.

Personality INTP-T
theonlyredsmurf
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 163
Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2014 12:42 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 4:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby BrainStorm » Mon Nov 16, 2015 3:15 pm

By the time I was 20, I had been in the hospital six times. The number of hospitalizations (redsmurf, I don't know why we use the z...I just tried to spell it with a s instead and my autocorrect changed it to z) says nothing other than things aren't stable. It's just something that some people go through...I know people that have only been once, people that have been dozens of times, and people that haven't been at all, all of varying ages.

Omg, if the phone doesn't stop ringing I'm going to tear it out of the wall.

Anyway, if the only thing keeping you from going is how many times you've been, I'd address what you believe that means. A lot of the reasons I had so many when I was younger and only one inpatient one partial since is I didn't really have a good treatment team or support system back then. Then, I had a wonderful support system and didn't need the hospital as much because I had a big group of supportive people who would help me out in "shifts" so nobody felt too burdened. Now I'm away from my support system and will have to rely on the hospital if things get bad again. I know it sucks, believe me, but if you feel you're too much your family and aren't safe on your own, it's probably best.

Big hugs. Best,
Brainy
Living Well with Bipolar 1 Disorder
User avatar
BrainStorm
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 642
Joined: Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:20 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 1:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby voracious_lemon » Mon Nov 16, 2015 3:53 pm

I'm as calm as ever right now and can actually think for once thank God. My mom still wants to take me to the ER but my pdoc wants me to get into partial hospitalization (z's r kool). I want to do partial, but I'm not safe enough to drive myself, and I don't know who would drive me. I just set up an appointment for tonight (wow, a pdoc I can actually see when I need to) so well see how that goes. It'll be interesting because I tried getting the mail but freaked out paranoid as soon as I got out the door.
All I saw was the Devil's soul
And it looked a helluva lot like my own
voracious_lemon
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1154
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2015 5:54 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 1:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (10)

Re: Possible hospitalization

Postby Una+ » Mon Nov 16, 2015 5:15 pm

voracious_lemon wrote:my pdoc wants me to get into partial hospitalization (z's r kool). I want to do partial, but I'm not safe enough to drive myself, and I don't know who would drive me.

This would be a good thing for you, your parents, or your pdoc to discuss with the hospital. They should have a social worker on staff whose job is to help clients access services. The social worker can help you arrange transportation to and from their program.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
Una+
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7227
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:17 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 6:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Bipolar Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 17 guests