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Is working hard for you as it is for me?

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Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby whyme_reese » Fri Jul 17, 2015 4:00 pm

I am currently not working and im scared to return to the working field. I have so much stress and anxiety when I do. My work ethics are wonderful but when I take on a job it does not last long before I shut down this is the way I deal with not going into mental overload. I have a tendency to believe in my mind (and a lot of it probably is true but being bipolar makes everything feel more dramatic) that the people don't like me and they pick situations that leads to a stressful work environment. I have a tendency to go from 0 to 100 when I feel like im being treated unfair. After going in and out of employment and schools I don't feel I can handle taking on another job but now im financially hurting and don't know what to do does anybody have any suggestions?
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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby Vespera » Fri Jul 17, 2015 5:44 pm

Yea i feel the same way.. I used to work few years ago while back when i was sent taking meds.. I was a good worker since i was always manic and i did a ton of work.. But i was stressed out and had anxiety specially when dealing with people, i always used to think that people didnt like me and they where all against me.. my co worker even asked me if i was Bipolar lol ( back then i didnt know i was ) i just told him no, i didnt think anything was wrong with me, but i guess normal people can tell looking from their own perspective ..
I want to go back to work really bad, kinda broke at the moment.. but im really scared cuz i dont want to pick up a job and ###$ it up like i always did in the past...
Rules only apply to normal people

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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby Oliveira » Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:10 pm

I'm working as a volunteer doing something I love twice a week and even that can get overwhelming. My moods are still volatile and I have a tendency to go depression->doing nothing->feeling better->doing way too much->depression, repeat ad nauseam. I still harbour hope I will be able to go back to working full time at some point but this point is definitely nowhere near where I am. :/
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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby BrainStorm » Sat Jul 18, 2015 2:47 pm

It's taken me almost nine years since my diagnosis to be able to work steadily again. I made a compromise though- I was a small business owner of two businesses and while I made decent money it was very high-stress. I sold my businesses and took some time off, taught yoga and volunteered when I felt well enough, and just focused on getting my life back together. Now, I teach yoga as well as work a low-stress job doing something I love. And I'm an independent contractor so nobody blinks an eye if I need to go down to one day a week or have a week off. I don't make much money and that's the compromise, but I decided that work is important to me and I found a way to do it. There are times when it's still difficult, but it's manageable difficulty.
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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby californiagirl07 » Sat Jul 18, 2015 5:24 pm

I understand your pain. Work is absolute torture for me. I find myself popping anti-anxiety pills all day just to get through the day. A few times I have had to leave work to go in for an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist. I am financially hurting so I HAVE to work but I hate it. I imagine all my coworkers and clients hate me, and I get very sensitive to any criticism. I also get overwhelmed from the nature of my job..a lot of deadlines and quick turnarounds. My anxiety is at an all time high all day and when I'm depressed, I get absolutely nothing done and just sit in my office trying not to break down. I wish I didn't have to work.
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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby voracious_lemon » Sat Jul 18, 2015 7:35 pm

Yes, but not working makes me a walrus
All I saw was the Devil's soul
And it looked a helluva lot like my own
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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby Lanka » Sun Jul 19, 2015 3:16 am

Three weeks and I go try what work is like.. Internship for my degree, so hoping for not-quite-so-stressful-experience as we aren't expected to know everything yet.
Rapid cycling BP II with side of anxiousness, mixed states and BPD/AvPD-traits.
Meds? Went feral. So far nothing has given me the equal of highs on daily basis.

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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby dan91 » Wed Jul 22, 2015 2:34 pm

I'm quite fortunate in my situation.
I work as a software developer, so I can manage, because I don't have to deal with a lot of people and I actually love my job.
When I'm at my lowest, I can atleast to some degree work, although it's very hard to concentrate and I tend to lose short term memory.

I used to get anxiety, but nowhere near what you're describing. I got prescribed Mirtazapine(Combar), which helped a bit with that and my sleeping. Try talking to your psychiatrist or doctor about the anxiety. There is no reason to live in fear if it can be avoided.
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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby NRC08 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:38 pm

Currently out of work due to a manic breakdown and quiting my job... yeah not smart, but it seemed right at the time. Anyway, start a new job in 2 months, and I'm not even sure I'll be ready by then.... Was diagnosed just last week with BPII after the manic episode I described earlier... I have battled depression for many years, but the AD's didn't really work.. made me hypo which should have been a clear indication that neither myself of Dr saw. Anyway I'm on new meds and its making it hard to focus... mental slowing.... troubling remembering... all things you usually need to hold down a good job. Anyway, I wish everyone the best with there jobs and continue to push taking things a day at a time.

Cheers,
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Re: Is working hard for you as it is for me?

Postby turnaround » Wed Jul 29, 2015 12:00 am

My job drives my moods upwards (irritable, angry, stressy, culminating in euphoria for a very few days) and then into a tailspin (deep paranoia, exhaustion, enormous delusions of guilt, followed by suicidal depression). That lasts 6-8 weeks before I return to normality and have a sense of having being "purified" and reborn by having come through an episode. Crazy interpretation, isn't it? Then I go back to work.

The Nazis perverted the phrase "Work makes you free". This is such a shame because work really does make us free. Materially, socially and psychologically, work enriches us enormously. I struggle through my working life because it is doing me good to be there. I may live with high anxiety and stress and my moods are going to be swinging like a drunken pendulum anyway so I may as well get paid while I'm doing it. Besides, I'm too stubborn to accept that I'm working in the wrong department. I will leave one day but on my own terms and nobody - and nothing - else's.

I've noticed a change in my mental outlook recently too that I hope will be of some use. I'm consciously taking a step back during busy days and saying "This is the way things are. Not bad, not good, things just are how they are". It's only a half joke when I tell people that I am working on my Zen. This is what is commonly called mindfulness - trying to stay awake to a single moment I find myself in and not being distracted by events a minute or an hour in the future or the past. Distractibility is a sign of elevated or falling mood with me (and very possibly a depakote side-effect). So if I can cultivate mindfulness, I'd like to think I can make my workload more bearable and my career more successful.
CJ

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