Hello mountainflower,
Welcome to the bipolar forum. Please feel free to ask any questions and share anything with us that you wish to.
First, are you taking your medication as prescribed? I strongly urge you to do so if you are not.
It takes a lot of courage and honour to admit to yourself that you have a problem with alcohol and/or drugs. Well done. I read somewhere that at least 50% of people with bipolar have alcohol problems at some time so wherever you go, you are not alone. Are you able to discuss this with your doctor, therapist or psychiatrist?
I'm sorry that your husband does not treat you in the way you deserve to be treated. Do you have close friends that you can share this with? Or your therapist?
Your English is excellent, by the way! And I love Japanese poetry