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Everything is messed up!

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Everything is messed up!

Postby Newfoundscotty » Mon Oct 13, 2014 12:49 pm

I started college in September and I run a shop over the winter months.
I hired a friend to do 4 days a week that meant I could do 3 days at college, 3 days at the shop and hav a day off. I started lithium in August and been having doses upped according to blood test results. The last test took 11 days to come back and they didn't do the lithium check? WTF!? I have alsotried changing m name 7 times with my doc as I got married in May. They have lost my marriage certificate copies twice! To date it's still not changed!

I don't know what my levels are at all now.

I hired one of my friends as needed someone I could trust as there is a lot of money at stake here! He seriously disappointed me and I had to get rid of him on his first week at work! Due to having to turn up at the shop because he never came home the night before And then I was taken off part of my course.

I hae now had to quit the entire course to run the shop. I don't trust anyone else to do it! I have a strong reputation with them and don't want to ruin that!

I had to change appointment to January from November with psychiatrist. She called me back and went mad at me for keep speaking to these secretary when she's busy! I have never been anything but nice to them on the phone and they are always abrupt and rude. I told her this and that I didn't appreciate her calling me attacking me when I haven't done a thing wrong! She said it wasn't good enough and need to stop. I told her I have to because my docs always saying tey sent the results to them when they haven't so the only way I can find out is calling the psychiatrist office!

I told her cus of the shop it's likely I'd only be able to do an evening blood test till January. I asked how it's possible when I usually have my tablets in the evening and the blood test should Benin the morning twelve hours later. She said it's just not good enough and I can't do that.

I ended up fighting with her on the phone and telling her I couldn't deal with this on too of everything else. I said I have so much stress right now and don't want it from the people who are supposed to b helping make me better! I told her I was coming off meds and didn't want to see her again.

I can't stay on my current levels when I don't know if it's toxic. Not worth ruining my kidneys!

I don't know what to expect coming off them though? I have been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately and would love nothing more than to throw myself in front of a train on my way home. I deleted all my friends out oft life and am a recluse apart from work. Also my husband is away for over a week now. So fed up of everything.

Last saw a psychiatrist when I was 14 and she was a cow and I'm now 27 and just started trying to sort myself out again... Now this. Feel so disheartened. Heeeeeelp :( I'm sat in my shop now faking a smile on my face when I just want t cry... But I can't because I am alone :( had to post here cus now I have. O friends to go to.
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Re: Everything is messed up!

Postby Oliveira » Mon Oct 13, 2014 4:53 pm

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about all the difficulties :( It's a lot to have on your plate.

I strongly discourage taking yourself off lithium cold turkey. I went very slowly tapering down but even that didn't stop me from plunging into paralysing depression once the dosage went to zero. According to my doctor the highest safe dosage to quit cold turkey is 400 mg.

I believe (not a professional opinion, just a lithium user opinion) that your levels are mostly important to see whether you are in the therapeutic range which is pretty narrow. When your levels are too low, lithium just doesn't do its job -- and hearing you are feeling suicidal and depressed I would hazard a guess it's not working how it should. When your levels are really high you're going to have serious symptoms that you couldn't miss -- unfortunately I know from experience :/ wanting to vomit 24/7 is not an experience I would wish on anyone.

When your levels are too high (but not very high) for a long period you are going to have symptoms of chronic lithium poisoning. Here is what Uncle Google tells me they are:

CHRONIC TOXICITY

You will likely not have any gastrointestinal symptoms. Symptoms that may occur include:

Increased reflexes
Slurred speech
Tremors

In severe cases, you may also have nervous system and kidney problems such as:

Kidney failure
Memory problems
Movement disorders
Problems keeping salts in your body
Psychosis (thought disturbance, unpredictable behavior)


Generally I'm afraid I don't have any better advice than "speak to a professional" :( Perhaps it would be worth it to take a morning off from the shop and go to a different lab? As for psychiatrist, I could think of two courses of action -- either call and apologise (not necessarily being sincere...) and explain I've been very stressed, or look for a different one. You don't need a doctor that adds to your stress and shouts at you, but you do need a doctor to help with the medication and therapy.

Big hugs -- I hope you find a way out and that the stress lessens somehow.
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Re: Everything is messed up!

Postby Caribee4me » Mon Oct 13, 2014 6:19 pm

Sounds like a lot of different things went wrong at once, which is really hard to deal with. It makes sense you are upset and frustrated. The only way I know how to deal with things when it gets like this is one thing at a time. It seems the most important thing for you to manage is staying on your meds, which it sounds like aren't at the right level. Olivera had a good idea to take a morning off to get a new blood test. You are worth it. Since it's such a problem getting the results from the Pdoc, why not stop into the lab and pick up the results yourself after a few days? Then, so you're not bothering the staff or confusing anyone about your name change, you can hand-deliver them to your Pdoc's office and be sure they receive them. You can then call your Pdoc and have a conversation about your lithium level and get direction about what to adjust. In the meantime, you can look for a new Pdoc since this current one is so rude to you. Anyway, just an idea to keep you on your meds which I think is a better idea than going off of them.
Dx: BP1 mixed rapid-cycling, BPD, PTSD
Daily Meds: Latuda 120mg, Vyvanse 60mg, Intuniv 2mg, Quetiapine 200mg
PRN Meds: Alprazolam .5mg
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Re: Everything is messed up!

Postby Newfoundscotty » Mon Oct 13, 2014 6:44 pm

Oliveira wrote:Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about all the difficulties :( It's a lot to have on your plate.

I strongly discourage taking yourself off lithium cold turkey. I went very slowly tapering down but even that didn't stop me from plunging into paralysing depression once the dosage went to zero. According to my doctor the highest safe dosage to quit cold turkey is 400 mg.

I believe (not a professional opinion, just a lithium user opinion) that your levels are mostly important to see whether you are in the therapeutic range which is pretty narrow. When your levels are too low, lithium just doesn't do its job -- and hearing you are feeling suicidal and depressed I would hazard a guess it's not working how it should. When your levels are really high you're going to have serious symptoms that you couldn't miss -- unfortunately I know from experience :/ wanting to vomit 24/7 is not an experience I would wish on anyone.

When your levels are too high (but not very high) for a long period you are going to have symptoms of chronic lithium poisoning. Here is what Uncle Google tells me they are:

CHRONIC TOXICITY

You will likely not have any gastrointestinal symptoms. Symptoms that may occur include:

Increased reflexes
Slurred speech
Tremors

In severe cases, you may also have nervous system and kidney problems such as:

Kidney failure
Memory problems
Movement disorders
Problems keeping salts in your body
Psychosis (thought disturbance, unpredictable behavior)


Generally I'm afraid I don't have any better advice than "speak to a professional" :( Perhaps it would be worth it to take a morning off from the shop and go to a different lab? As for psychiatrist, I could think of two courses of action -- either call and apologise (not necessarily being sincere...) and explain I've been very stressed, or look for a different one. You don't need a doctor that adds to your stress and shouts at you, but you do need a doctor to help with the medication and therapy.

Big hugs -- I hope you find a way out and that the stress lessens somehow.



As the days progressed it's gotten harder and harder. I am feeling really depressed and having a lot of suicidal thoughts and self harm thoughts. I also feel like I want to smash up my entire home. I am trying many different things to help calm me down but everything I am doing is making me worse.

Music I am relating to the words of songs and crying. I tried classical and couldn't stop crying. Jazz infuriated me. Talking to friends pissed me off. I had 600 friends several weeks ago then went down to about 50 and now after a cull yesterday I have 10. Tried to talk to a few but they now infuriate me and I stopped talking to them. Tried watching a program and I can't sit still I want to pick it up and smash it out my window.

I am feeling seriously uneasy. I have no family to help me and my husband is out of town until next Tuesday. I think I can check myself into hospital but I don't trust myself leaving the house as there's so many fantasies I have had of ways to die outside with cars, trains and bridges and canals on route to the hospital.

I'm trying SOOOO hard to just get through the the end of the day and then go to sleep so I survive another day :(

-- Mon Oct 13, 2014 6:53 pm --

Caribee4me wrote:Sounds like a lot of different things went wrong at once, which is really hard to deal with. It makes sense you are upset and frustrated. The only way I know how to deal with things when it gets like this is one thing at a time. It seems the most important thing for you to manage is staying on your meds, which it sounds like aren't at the right level. Olivera had a good idea to take a morning off to get a new blood test. You are worth it. Since it's such a problem getting the results from the Pdoc, why not stop into the lab and pick up the results yourself after a few days? Then, so you're not bothering the staff or confusing anyone about your name change, you can hand-deliver them to your Pdoc's office and be sure they receive them. You can then call your Pdoc and have a conversation about your lithium level and get direction about what to adjust. In the meantime, you can look for a new Pdoc since this current one is so rude to you. Anyway, just an idea to keep you on your meds which I think is a better idea than going off of them.


In the UK we can't pick and chose we have to have things down how they want it done. I can't pick up results myself and then take them to the pdoc. Also it seems I can't call them because they are busy and don't want to speak to me. You'd think I called her a million times. I called her Friday morning for an update and then again Monday afternoon.
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Re: Everything is messed up!

Postby Newfoundscotty » Mon Oct 13, 2014 7:00 pm

I have thrown all my meds down the toilet. I don't trust how I feel now I know it always ends up in hospital having overdosed. Though keep looking at sharp things now and thinking about self harming :(
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Re: Everything is messed up!

Postby Oliveira » Mon Oct 13, 2014 9:30 pm

Please go to A&E if the s/h ideations become too hard to resist. Observe yourself carefully. You are under a lot of stress and now without meds your brain might find it very hard to cope. If I may suggest tell your spouse what happened to the meds -- on the phone if nothing else is possible. Are there any real-life friends that know about your BP and could take care of you if needed?

Something that I've been thinking -- lithium makes me much more irritable for some reason. Perhaps this is related to how you feel as well. I hope and keep fingers crossed that you will get better ASAP.
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