Wow... so I take it you previously were on anti-psychotics. I say that because they are known to weaken dopamine systems, to rid people of mania.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylphenidate
ADHD and other similar conditions are believed to be linked to sub-performance of the dopamine and norepinephrine functions in the brain, primarily in the prefrontal cortex, responsible for self-regulation functions of inhibition, motivation, memory, and the concentration/executive functions of reasoning, organizing, solving, and planning.
Lamotrigine, marketed in the US and most of Europe as Lamictal /ləˈmɪktəl/ by GlaxoSmithKline, is an anticonvulsant drug used in the treatment of epilepsy and bipolar disorder. It is also used off-label as an adjunct in treating clinical depression.
A little known thing is that dopamine is also highly involved in the pleasure reward function of the brain. http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/dopamine
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them.
So you feel hopeless and nothing is making you feel better?
I am no neuroscientist, however, it sounds to me like your brain, the motivation/pleasure/reward part is low functioning right now and hanging on by threads, based on what you've been prescribed.
Have you ever thought about L-Dopa? I've never tried it.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L-DOPA
L-DOPA crosses the protective blood–brain barrier, whereas dopamine itself cannot. Thus, L-DOPA is used to increase dopamine concentrations in the treatment of Parkinson's disease and dopamine-responsive dystonia.
shinshige wrote:What I do have, is a bunch of people standing at the edge of the sand, telling me what I should do. Most of them however, don't understand the situation I am in, so they just keep telling me to walk out. They'll say, "Try harder, just walk out," with the idea I will be able to just get out of it, without tangible outside help.
Just walking out of it, is a long tiresome road, right? Maybe physically and emotionally challenging.
It's true though the more you think in a positive manner, and fight, the more likely you are to increase your positive thoughts. Like exercise for the brain. Neuroplasticity it's called.
What makes you feel good about yourself?
Have you ever thought of listening to asmr or binaural beats? I mean do you feel pleasure from things like music and such? I found those two things highly rewarding, both spiritually, and mentally. However, anxiety was my issue. Asmr has great great entertainment, very different from most others.