Relief

It is such a relief to read everyone's posts on here and realise that I'm not alone in what I'm going through - not that I would wish this on anyone. This is my first opportunity to tell my story to anyone as I could never dream of talking to my friends or family. I feel like binge-eating is such a shameful embarrassing thing - does anyone else feel like that? I feel like if I tried to explain it to anyone they would just think I was greedy and disgusting. My problems started about 18 months ago. I realised I'd put a little bit of weight - about 8/9lb - on during my first year of university and I couldn't believe it. Although I'd always felt a little chubby I was happy with myself and never worried about what I ate. But seeing that high number on the scales pushed me to start watching what I ate. I just wanted to lose a few lb and go back to what I was before. But the more I tried to lose weight the more obsessed I became with food. I thought about it constantly and as a result, started eating more, putting on weight instead of losing any. For the last year I've been trapped in a horrible cycle, I've lost the ability to eat normally - i either starve for the whole day or i binge because as soon as i start eating i just cant stop. i also take laxatives when I binge badly. I dont know how to stop this - i can't imagine ever just eating normally again, and living a life without food on my mind every second. i am at my heaviest despite being on a constant 'diet' all year. I so badly want a change and afresh start in 2010 but im not sure how to do it.

Hey,

Iv'e been going through various eating disorders for a few years now and know what you're going through. I can't ever really imagine my eating habits returning to normal again, but I won't rule it out. Firstly though, there is nothing wrong with being afflicted with an eating disorder, and you shouldn't feel any less of a person for it. In fact - as you prob. know - eating disorders are on the rise in both male and female. I'm not quite sure what else to say... ...I laerned to stop trying to beat my eating disorder and to just 'join' it (i.e. accept that it is in my life and is to stay), and this has allowed me to gain complete control over it. I can't get rid of it, but I can control it.

Kevin