by aj-baker » Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:31 pm
It is such a relief to read everyone's posts on here and realise that I'm not alone in what I'm going through - not that I would wish this on anyone. This is my first opportunity to tell my story to anyone as I could never dream of talking to my friends or family. I feel like binge-eating is such a shameful embarrassing thing - does anyone else feel like that? I feel like if I tried to explain it to anyone they would just think I was greedy and disgusting. My problems started about 18 months ago. I realised I'd put a little bit of weight - about 8/9lb - on during my first year of university and I couldn't believe it. Although I'd always felt a little chubby I was happy with myself and never worried about what I ate. But seeing that high number on the scales pushed me to start watching what I ate. I just wanted to lose a few lb and go back to what I was before. But the more I tried to lose weight the more obsessed I became with food. I thought about it constantly and as a result, started eating more, putting on weight instead of losing any. For the last year I've been trapped in a horrible cycle, I've lost the ability to eat normally - i either starve for the whole day or i binge because as soon as i start eating i just cant stop. i also take laxatives when I binge badly. I dont know how to stop this - i can't imagine ever just eating normally again, and living a life without food on my mind every second. i am at my heaviest despite being on a constant 'diet' all year. I so badly want a change and afresh start in 2010 but im not sure how to do it.