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I'm a sadist, please help

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I'm a sadist, please help

Postby NatalieMK » Tue Nov 26, 2013 1:21 am

I'm female and a teen, and in school I'm an extremely shy person. During school I'm the only one to sit down and listen to any of the teachers, and behave in general. A friend of mine is not all awkward, and she will do what ever she wants when she wants to. She has no conscience or anything telling her 'That might be rude'. She will annoy me and tease me through the day, and cause extreme stress. She will just knock my books out of my hand and laugh. And I let her. But after so long of being abused by almost everyone in school, I have a desire to make people submit. I've had multiple dreams of taking her and beating her, to make her listen to me, to respect me, and to fear me. I want to make her pay for years of little things building up to something big. And I will get aroused by this, and that scares me. I have tried to move on and forget, but when I do the little things happen and I have to repress myself. In the end I've been talking less, which makes people tease me more. I want relief and to have this all end. Please help
Last edited by lilyfairy on Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Small edit- PM to follow
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Re: I'm a sadist, please help

Postby Screwed_Up » Thu Nov 28, 2013 3:51 am

Is it just this one person that fantasizing about making her pay for her torments gets you aroused? If so than you may not be a sadist. You may just need an outlet for years of frustration of her pushing you around. She doesn't sound like much of a friend.
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Re: I'm a sadist, please help

Postby Ada » Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:04 pm

Could this be a revenge fantasy, Natalie? Rather than full sadism. They can still have that pleasurable aspect. The thought of having power over someone else is stimulating in general! [Part of why "power corrupts".] I also think maybe that's a sign that you're not naturally shy. And that once you're out of this situation, away from her. You'll be able to become more of yourself. And you'll find ways to stand up for yourself when you need to [which I appreciate is really, really hard at the moment.]

Is there anyone at school that you can talk to about her behaviour? She seems like a bully! You could also perhaps look at the bullying/ forum here. Which has various people's stories and maybe useful ideas for dealing with nasty people.

I would also say that school is a REALLY weird environment. In almost every adult situation, your behaviour is going to be by far the best plan. And her behaviour will land her in trouble with the police, her boss, her family, or whoever else gets in the way of it. The more she's allowed to get away with now, the worse she'll be later on.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


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Re: I'm a sadist, please help

Postby Ada » Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:12 pm

I should add. Because I didn't think of it before. That if you WERE a sadist, that's fine. That simply relates, in the context of this forum, to having a kinky sex life. As long as your partners are willing [and there are lots of masochists in this world to match up with.] It's all safe and fun.

It's just, from what you wrote. The pleasure side in your situation might not be so much sexual as emotional. Hence focusing on that aspect.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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Re: I'm a sadist, please help

Postby MJH2013 » Fri Nov 29, 2013 5:48 am

Hello NatalieMK, I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time at school right now. Honestly, I agree with everything Ada has said, and have very little to add to her analysis but I still would like to try and help you through this time in your life.

To start off with, I do not think you are a sadist- or at least not as much of one as you fear you are. If you only feel sadistic about this one girl who has wronged you many small times and want to "repay" her with sadistic acts, then it is much more a revenge fantasy. Additionally, if you are being teased for being shy, awkward, etc. and you only want to harm your tormentors to repay them for their torment that should be another clue to the presence of a revenge fantasy. These sorts of fantasies are fine, and do not make you a "bad person" by any stretch of the imagination. Nor do they make you a sadist.

And, while I agree that you should not act on your revenge fantasies regardless of how much this girl and your other tormentors have wronged you, repressing yourself and these desires is not the right course of action to take. If you are a sadist (as in if you have these feelings toward those who have not tormented you, and would like to inflict pain on a possible partner or willing participant) then I recommend finding a willing masochist to play with, I certainly did :wink:. And I understand that accepting desires, especially desires like these can be very difficult, but once you do it can transform your self-esteem, social skills, friendships, relationships and so much more for the better. People admire self confidence, and that stems from self-knowledge. You can never really be totally confident in your own abilities until you know yourself completely. So, embrace these desires as a part of your personality, don't repress them and hope that they go away.

Finally, I think you are on the wrong forum. I second the idea to go to the bullying forum to seek some advice from those more qualified to give it. It's a terrible thing that is happening to you, and I hope that those wiser than myself can help you to find a way through it. Bullying is never easy, but I am hopeful that with some advice and some guidance you will blossom into a lovely young woman, who is acutely self-aware, and far more confident than she ever thought possible. Best of luck to you in this difficult time in your life.

-MJH
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Re: I'm a sadist, please help

Postby NatalieMK » Tue Dec 03, 2013 4:19 am

I appreciate all of your help. But she's not always annoying. She is a really good friend of mine. And she and I share lots of interests and have good chemistry when she's not annoying me. And I guess that's what scared me. Just taking a dear friend of mine and wanting them to feel pain, to regret making me the submissive one. In our relation ship, she's the dominant one, and I despise being the one to be there when she feels like pushing the limit. She's there when I need her, but my fear is one day she crosses a line and I overreact
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Re: I'm a sadist, please help

Postby pinkbluepurple » Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:51 am

Hello NatalieMK.
First off, I don't mean to invalidate or question your friendship with her, but I would consider evaluating whether or not she's subtly abusing you or actually a friend.
Anyways, I have been in your situation where I've been bullied and actually have enacted revenge (not to the extent of your fantasies though). That's not a cause of my sadism, however.
I am also an active adult volunteer, advocate, and member of my local BDSM community. Including myself, a lot of sadists identify as such because we enjoy inflicting pain (which is the basic definition of sadism). There also happen to be dominants, toppy switches, masters, femdoms, etc, who enjoy making people submit in D/s-style relationships.
There is nothing wrong with being a sadist or being a dominant, just as there's nothing wrong with being a sub, switch, anything else. However, we separate it because of the key word consent. Wherein, we like to inflict pain because our masochist likes to receive pain. But rather than saying "pain", for newbies, I prefer "physical stimulation". It can get very complicated scientifically, but "pain" in a consensual sadomasochistic scene, is closer to "inflicting a lot of physical stimuli" (i.e.- a sadist whipping a masochist because the sensation creates a lot of endorphins and pleasure). Think of it like a massage, where the sadist is massaging a masochist with a whip.

Most importantly, before you begin seeking help about being sadistic, I would go back to figuring out your friendship status.
Undergrad college student, senior year. Yay.
Sadistic switch in BDSM community.
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