Does anybody have a hard time telling lies?

I have a lot if difficulty with lying and (anxiety when trying to lie) even when its not very significant. Does anybody else has the same problem?
Lying seems like a very widespread practice these days ;(

Well, yes I would agree. I really hate telling lies.

It does sometimes make life hard, because I hate when people ask things about myself, but I tend to answer sort of reluctantly, or even (if it is someone I know) by self-ironically changing the subject. Like if a stranger asks what music I like, I'll probably say that I don't like any particular genre, and if they go on asking for specific songs or such, I'll get embarrassed enough for them to back off I quite often tell 'lies' to stand in for talking about myself, but in a way which makes it obvious that I'm not being serious. If we're talking about what an ideal vacation would be I might say I would like to suffer a shipwreck and live on a desert island for 72 days, before being rescued by a Taiwanese pirate ship, and so on...

If I'm forced to actually tell a lie, I feel very bad about it, even if it's a 'white' one. If someone says they like what I'm wearing, I will often tell them I like what they're wearing too, and then point out a particular feature I genuinely like, so that it won't be a lie even if I don't like all the other stuff...

What kind of lies? The kind that you have to make to be tactful? Hopefully not the wacko pathological lies. Hope you don't aspire to being one of those. I had two at my former workplace. It took a while to figure out that my officemate was a pathological lying sociopath but once I did it was hard to take. She would show up at noon every day and say that she had stayed until 8-9 pm the night before. She was always saying how much work she had to do - while she was playing games on the computer "decompressing".

Sometimes you don't have to actually lie. You can say something neutral and people will read into it what they want. For example someone shows you their ugly baby. You just say "OHH - a BABYYYY!" They will think you are saying what a PRETTY baby all while you are thinking "what a hideous baby."

Does that help?

Parador wrote:What kind of lies? The kind that you have to make to be tactful? Hopefully not the wacko pathological lies. Hope you don't aspire to being one of those. I had two at my former workplace. It took a while to figure out that my officemate was a pathological lying sociopath but once I did it was hard to take. She would show up at noon every day and say that she had stayed until 8-9 pm the night before. She was always saying how much work she had to do - while she was playing games on the computer "decompressing".

Sometimes you don't have to actually lie. You can say something neutral and people will read into it what they want. For example someone shows you their ugly baby. You just say "OHH - a BABYYYY!" They will think you are saying what a PRETTY baby all while you are thinking "what a hideous baby."

Does that help?

I am actually dealing with someone right now who is like your co worker - a pathological liar sociopath and its really stressing me out. i can't believe this persons behavior. its very strange and infuriating. i, on the other hand have trouble even with "white" lies. tthe baby example you provided sounds pretty
good, but i have problems even with that. if its an ugly baby i would just stand there and not say

anything. i

-- Mon Jul 02, 2012 10:16 am --

Renderer wrote:Well, yes I would agree. I really hate telling lies.

It does sometimes make life hard, because I hate when people ask things about myself, but I tend to answer sort of reluctantly, or even (if it is someone I know) by self-ironically changing the subject. Like if a stranger asks what music I like, I'll probably say that I don't like any particular genre, and if they go on asking for specific songs or such, I'll get embarrassed enough for them to back off I quite often tell 'lies' to stand in for talking about myself, but in a way which makes it obvious that I'm not being serious. If we're talking about what an ideal vacation would be I might say I would like to suffer a shipwreck and live on a desert island for 72 days, before being rescued by a Taiwanese pirate ship, and so on...

If I'm forced to actually tell a lie, I feel very bad about it, even if it's a 'white' one. If someone says they like what I'm wearing, I will often tell them I like what they're wearing too, and then point out a particular feature I genuinely like, so that it won't be a lie even if I don't like all the other stuff...

I've met someone who responded to things in a similar fashion. its different from my problem though, i just have difficult time lying and it seems like most people can lie without thinking twice about it to turn things for their benefit. the person that is trying to majesty me look like a perpetrator in front of authority is taking this skill to an extreme.

My apologies for any out of the context words. i am typing on my phone

OK - well you DON'T want to become like yoyr officemate. I know some people can get away with that seemingly forever, but it catches up to most people.

I guess the best way to train yourself is to think of situations where you could have told a white lie and then think back to that sitaution and say the lie - while looking in the mirror. Or maybe just say ridiculous lies to yourself. Ever see Red Dwarf? Liser tried to teach Kryten to lie - it was hilarious:


It's the Bolivian navy on maneuvers in the South Pacific! It's a small off duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB-NnVpvQ78

Yes, I do also have a hard time telling lies. I'm just not skilled at it at all. The employees at a nearby Starbucks recognize me all the time, and they always ask about what I'm doing lately and how my school is going. I don't down-right lie but I am so elusive and vague, it feels as though I'm lying, and I can see that both me and them become uncomfortable about it.

I have a very hard time lying to my mother as well. She's always on the look-out for me becoming depressed, because of my Bipolar and the many times I never let her know what was going on until it was too late. If I'm just having a down day or if something is bothering me, not actually depressed, and she asks me if I'm okay, I usually say 'yes' and fake a smile or just say I'm tired. It's not a big lie at all! But I have such a hard time doing it.

- EGD.

EarlGreyDregs wrote:I have a very hard time lying to my mother as well.

Yes, actually, that is the worst for me. My mother is possibly the most fantastic person ever. And she worries about me a lot, and I really don't want to worry her, because she has so many problems of her own. So when I complain that I have no appetite and sleep too much, she asks if everything is okay, and of course I have to maintain that it is. When I tell her about what I'm doing at the moment, I only tell her about the good things. At one point she wonder whether my nausea was worse in the mornings (i.e. whether I might be pregnant), which is a good indication of how little she knows about my situation...

So I sort of relinquish minor problems to make myself believable. But there is no way I could tell her that I don't think there'll be any grandchildren for her on my part.

But yes I suppose it depends a lot on what you mean by lying...

I feel pretty comfortable lying for the sake of self preservation of my avoidant self. Such as lying to people about how I am, or what I am doing, or what my plans are for whatever. People ask too many questions when someone is always saying they have no plans or didn't do anything for the holiday, etc. I don't like to feel that someone is pitying me (sp?)

I'll lie to protect my ego, my perceived image, my confidence (or lack there of), people that care about me and would worry if I wasn't okay (like my family). I'll lie to avoid confrontation. That is probably the biggest for me. I've lied to coworkers, supervisors, others that I had to be involved with simply to avoid the discussion that I don't have something done that I told them I'd have weeks ago, and that it isn't done because I was feeling so defeated that I had no drive to do any of it until the last minute and now it is incomplete. So instead (in this particular example) I told them it was done, then stayed up all night to finish it for the early meeting that I just told everyone i'd have it at.

So the example of lying about the ugly baby? I would have no problem telling them in the moment, that the baby was cute or whatever. If someone asks for my opinion of something I will lie based on what I believe they think of it. If unsure, I keep my answer vague but open to interpretation. "That's cool" with slight enthusiasm but a hint of doubt, a little head bob and maybe a corresponding facial expression; I have done that for years. My go-to answer when someone asks my opinion of something subjective like music/movies/clothes/places or most anything else.

I HATE that I do this and that it is so instinctive now.

Outside of these reasons, I really can't lie. People that know me, can immediately tell when I am lying about something not included from above. I get really fidgety and uncomfortable. I don't carry myself well. It doesn't take long to spot my tells if we are playing poker (no invitations please). This was tough for me when I worked in management and administration with my employer before stepping down. I would know everything that was going on in our agency and I hated when people asked about something. I finally learned that if I tried to lie, i would give myself away, so I just immediately told people that I cannot speak on the matter and leave. they would know something was up and make their own assumptions which were usually right, but at least I wasn't exposing myself to being disciplined for violating privacy or gossiping policy, etc.

What I am working on right now, is simply telling people the truth when they ask how I am or what my plans are. I am trying to own up to the fact that my plans usually are to just hang out at home and go nowhere. I am trying to stop telling people that I am doing good when I really feel like garbage for whatever reason. I don't unload on them, but rather try not to leave them the impression that all is peachy. This is tough for me because I feel like that exposes my vulnerabilities. Or maybe that's just me running wild and making assumptions of others' impressions of my self projection.

It seems like my point is kind of the opposite of the overall subject, but I still feel its valid.

(did I ramble too much? I often wonder that.)

I used to lie when necassry and can remember lies from years ago. i prefer telling the truth, tachtfully. Most of the time. But telling the truth can hurt others feelings, but hey if their lies are inteferting with me, to bad if the truth hurts.