Is anybody out there working on their confidence?

Great topic. I'm just starting to get back out there again after a couple of years of healing. What I decided to do is make a list of everything I don't like about myself like

weight
shyness
bad job
credit card debt
no girlfriend
etc.

Then slowly tackle a couple of them at a time to start improving things. Sort of like college where you have to take the required courses to get your degree. I figure eventually I'll start being happier and more confident if I'm closer to the person I think I should be. I've never been in great physical shape before so I'm really interested to see how much it helps.

I've had self help books put in front of me- some were reasonable, but I found a lot that were along the lines of "just thinking yourself better", and I'm over hearing that. I liked the ones with encouraging quotes and poems though. Those were things that stuck with me.

I have been struggling with big depressive episodes a lot the past few months, so that really hasn't been helping. But small achievements help, and talking on the forums here has helped me a lot too. It might not be dealing with people face to face, but I am talking with people, so that's a step forward I think.

Sara- kitties
Bramble-she's a doll, like a model kitty. Does she craft too?
Superman, love that approach, courses working toward a degree - brilliant!
Lily-I came to a section in one of my new books that teaches how to apply cognitive behavior therapy (which helped me with depression before) to building self-esteem. I like it so far. I'm only spending 15 -30 minutes a day on the techniques. It's a start anyway...wish me luck!

My thanks to everyone participating in these forums, so glad I found this!

I started working on confidence while I was going to CBT but gave up on it pretty quickly. Pretty much I had to make a list of things that I had trouble doing and rank them in order of difficulty. Starting with the "easiest" thing, I had to try and face each situation. I think a movie about this method would be interesting but I don't think it was a good approach for me because I had no motivation and most things involved friends which I didn't have.

I'm having motivation issues right now with continuing to work on this. It's like I'm missing part of the formula. Right now it looks like this:

Confidence + ? = ?Profit?

I'll build the confidence and then what? All my dreams will come true? This is where my slightly schizoidness interferes. Nothing matters to me, how could I possibly feel confident? The whole idea seems abstract to me.

bramble26 wrote:I think some people may think I'm sloppy because I don't wear make up, Sometimes I just put on gloss and pinch my cheeks for

It's like this: wear make up and everyone will think you're beautiful and you'll be happy. But why should I care if anyone finds me beautiful?

Hepzibah Pynchon wrote:Sara- kitties
Bramble-she's a doll, like a model kitty. Does she craft too?

I took that picture completely by accident when she got ahold of the wrist strap. Nope she doesn't model, but she likes to bother me a lot while I'm crafting. Or computing.

Asaboy wrote:I started working on confidence while I was going to CBT but gave up on it pretty quickly. Pretty much I had to make a list of things that I had trouble doing and rank them in order of difficulty. Starting with the "easiest" thing, I had to try and face each situation. I think a movie about this method would be interesting but I don't think it was a good approach for me because I had no motivation and most things involved friends which I didn't have.

I'm having motivation issues right now with continuing to work on this. It's like I'm missing part of the formula. Right now it looks like this:

Confidence + ? = ?Profit?

I'll build the confidence and then what? All my dreams will come true? This is where my slightly schizoidness interferes. Nothing matters to me, how could I possibly feel confident? The whole idea seems abstract to me.

bramble26 wrote:I think some people may think I'm sloppy because I don't wear make up, Sometimes I just put on gloss and pinch my cheeks for

It's like this: wear make up and everyone will think you're beautiful and you'll be happy. But why should I care if anyone finds me beautiful?

Asaboy I think peoples' brains are wired differently, like some people are more visual learners, some auditory, or some combination. That's good to know about the listing of difficult situations and taking a step by step approach. It would be nice for you if there's some kind of video out on that. The way I'm wired, CBT has helped in the past, and the listing thing sounds like it might work for me.

My motivation must be #1 not wanting to get worse. #2 Finding more enjoyment in life. More like goals I guess. Your post is forcing me to think of these things, that helps! Not to say you're depressed or anything, but personally, when I used to be very depressed I had a horrible time getting motivated to do anything. I actually lost hope of things ever getting better. I'm pretty much clueless on what schizoidness means?

I can relate totally to the not having friends thing...when I feel ready I hope to try to make some. Just feel like I have some work to do first in preparation

Recently, I have been going on omegle in order to buikd confidence and regain conversational skills. As a male, if you just don't act like a jerk, then everything goes fine, and it is easy to skip someone if they are being mean to you. I have had some great conversations with people, and they don't seem to think I have anything wrong with me. A few of the females even said I was cute. I don't know if they were just trying to be nice or sonething, but it is a confidence boost, and I seem to be able to take it better than I can in real life where conplements embarass me and make me feel bad/ question their motives.

Superman23 wrote:Great topic. I'm just starting to get back out there again after a couple of years of healing. What I decided to do is make a list of everything I don't like about myself like

weight
shyness
bad job
credit card debt
no girlfriend
etc.

Then slowly tackle a couple of them at a time to start improving things. Sort of like college where you have to take the required courses to get your degree. I figure eventually I'll start being happier and more confident if I'm closer to the person I think I should be. I've never been in great physical shape before so I'm really interested to see how much it helps.

I may actually do this, maybe if the #1 stresses in life for me are put in list form, I can tackle one or a couple at a time instead of letting them all bog my mind down, and not getting anything done. I try.

I would recommend a book...
"The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force [Paperback]
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (Author), Sharon Begley (Author) "

Cognitive behavior therapy is kind of the same thing as this... neuroplasticity. It is the idea that if you use your mental force to direct your brain a certain way, you can actually change the pathways in the brain. I mean basically this is what "habit" is. You do behaviors enough and your mind makes pathways for easy access to that behavior.

You know people have "knee jerk reactions" -- same thing.

Here is a thing though... do we know how to cure these things? I mean, I think some of my failures in the past are because I don't know what I am doing. For instance the bad job. I don't either know how to find a good job or I don't know how to land one. Might an avoidant need special instructions? I mean like I did the informational interviewing a few years ago but it was pointless because I think my entire attitude just screamed I didn't really want to be there.

SaraShaw wrote:
Here is a thing though... do we know how to cure these things? I mean, I think some of my failures in the past are because I don't know what I am doing. For instance the bad job. I don't either know how to find a good job or I don't know how to land one. Might an avoidant need special instructions? I mean like I did the informational interviewing a few years ago but it was pointless because I think my entire attitude just screamed I didn't really want to be there.

I would say that I don't know how to land a good job either. Best job I ever had was a bank teller. (what most would consider a crap job)
It took everything just for me to apply at that bank. I had many people suggest or offer (seemingly) better jobs for me but I've turned them down. It's like I don't feel like I deserve a better job or I'll ###$ it up. Also half of me clings to what is known and comfortable. I also have never really put myself "out there".

I start CBT next monday so I'm hoping I'll learn a few things about gaining the confidence to do things. I've even been avoiding applying for a car loan at a bank for 6 months out of fear of rejection or it wouldn't meet up to my expectations.