What's Your Story- Introduce Yourself

Hi, everyone!

In this thread, you can take some time to introduce yourself and meet the community. Please make separate topics for receiving advice, but you can talk about your situation or life here, if you like.

Did you find this forum helpful?

What made you decide to post here?

Hi all

I'm Lily, and while I've been about on the forums for a little while now, I've only recently been diagnosed with AvPD, though looking back, it's probably been there but gone unnoticed for a long time.

I have had lots of different diagnoses in the past, I do have depression and generalised anxiety disorder as well as AvPD, and I also have some BPD traits, so for me things tend to be very black and white with no grey area in between, I have frequent mood swings, episodes of dissociating (where nothing feels real), I self harm and have lots of issues with abandonment and unstable identity. I have had a lot of trouble trying to find medications to help with my depression, and just as much trouble trying to find a good therapist who could help me.

I have a fantastic therapist and doctor who are both very helpful.

I work in a sales environment a few days a week but I'm currently trying to decide whether or not to stay with the job or not as it is making me very stressed out and is upsetting me a lot lately.

I have found the forums extremely helpful to me and there have been some truly wonderful people who have helped me keep going during some very dark times. Without the forums I think I would be very lost and thing would be even messier than they already are.

Hugs to all
Lily

I'm Hannah and I've been diagnosed with AvPD caused by a combination of genetics (my mother had anxiety issues and my father was bipolar) and my rape by my father when I was younger and subsequently when nobody believed that I had been raped and the fact that my family no longer talks to me. I've also had issues with depersonalization and depression. I'm 24 years old, I don't have a job and I go for ages without leaving the house, I'm just a nervous wreck out of the house. I have many pets; a cat called Archie who is my favourite, two rats and many others. Thanks for all the support I've received so far

Hi, taking the plunge and joining a board again. I usually disappear pretty quickly, being avoidant and all.

I'm 49, only learned I had AvPD a couple of years back although I always knew there was something wrong. I thought I had complex ptsd and I'm still not sure I haven't, but my diagnosis is anxious and avoidant personality disorder.

I'd avoided 'unsafe' people all my life, having had a very abusive childhood, but a horrible relationship caused complete breakdown in 2008 and I became suicidal and was diagnosed then. I'd managed up until then to have a fairly protected life, having previously been married and being a stay at home mum and not needing to work. My whole life has been running away from as much as I could and my dream has always been to live in a hut in the woods, all alone apart from the birds and squirrels.

I'm having group psychotherapy and working like mad on myself, to try to accept who I am. Self-loathing is my biggest problem and I really want that to stop. Not taking any meds and I do manage to have friends, but only women as my dad was probably the major cause of my disorder and I get very, very anxious around men.
*waving*

Hey all,

I'm Mark, 27, so on and so forth.

I've had moderate-to-severe issues with anxiety and depression (more to the moderate side of the scale though) since my early teens. I'm definitely a loner, but I'm also very confident in my abilities, so I don't suppose I'm an "avie". Probably a "secret schizoid". So far, adult AD(H)D has been my only "official" diagnosis.

I sometimes have sudden unexplained changes in my mood/outlook/attitude that can last for any length of time, so I think I might have some milder form of bipolar disorder too. Or maybe not. Doesn't make much of a difference I guess.

I've been to a psychiatrist and a psychologist in the past few years. The psychiatrist was a nice person, but mostly clueless (though the meds he got me were useful). The psychologist was very kind and all, but I got fed up of doing nothing else than keep introducing myself after more than ten sessions.

lilyfairy wrote:Did you find this forum helpful?

Yes I think so. For starters, people here in general seem to be (understandably..) nicer than the people from the schizoid forum I've been to.

lilyfairy wrote:What made you decide to post here?

I've come to this forum because of my (girlfriend?), who most definitely seems to be an "avie" (more specifically because of the question mark after the word "girlfriend'). Sometimes I feel like I'm intruding in a space for people who have real problems, but I hope I can be of use with my optimism and my double perspective.

Oh, and I might, and probably will, suddenly disappear at some point. Nothing personal, though. I think you guys understand that

Hi I am Sara,

I haven't been diagnosed with AVPD because I would NEVER go into a mental health professional's office. Frankly I don't believe in them at all and also, I have been exposed first hand to medical record abuse that *most* people think can't happen... but it can. Anyhoo, a couple of years ago my brother and friends said in close succession that there was something wrong with me... that I was "anti social". So I started looking into that.. but anti social didn't work on me. But when I read the AVPD thing... I was floored. That was me... in every way.

Why am I the way I am.. I am going to guess because when I was a kid I had to wear a back-brace 24-7. I looked like Frankenstein. I wore it from 7-17 everyplace. I think I likely blocked a lot of it out, but you can't ignore 10 years of stares, 10 years of mean behavior, and 4 years of teen life where you had to dance with the (and I say this only in the way others would term it) retarded kid. 10 years of pity and well meaning parents making their kid do stuff with you...

I believe that I kind of got cured in my 20's. Now I can hardly believe it but, at that time I decided to go to graduate school and moved across the US for it. I was facing anything that came at me. My attitude was... I will figure out a way. But habits persisted. I think in anything that is deeply personal to me... such as people liking me, I do avoid. But something that isn't so deeply personal, such as going to grad school, getting my own home, getting a job.. I am ok with.

I am not sure if it is because I have an abusive boss (that I just can't escape) but in my late 30's I started contracting my world and becoming more and more avoidant. A lot of the *friends*, by that I mean people that use me, I made over the years I just don't feel like talking to. I have pretty much accepted I am not getting married and not having kids and I am pretty ok with it.

I find the forums helpful. I also belong to other similar things such as HSP... but I don't find they do understand this part of me. I do not find a large sense of community. I run my own board (not about AVPD) and I have different sub forums. I guess we can't do that here, but, that would be an improvement. I wish more people would hang long term. I have been here since 2010.

Oh and both my parents recently (2010) died. It does make me feel quite alone. I have a brother but, he is a hindrance to my life not a plus.

Hey there - You guys can call me EGD -

I've been recently diagnosed as Avoidant by my new psychiatrist, but it was a long time coming because I've been suffering from social avoidance & social anxiety my whole life. My doctor believes that my AvPD was probably made worse by childhood sexual abuse that I experienced. I even suffered selective mutism at one point during my teenage years. Life was so hard & torturous growing up with this. Every social encounter & interaction was a phobic situation for me & I simply became re-traumatized over & over. I've had two friends my entire life, none of which I'm still in contact with. I've never had a boyfriend. My social avoidance stands in the way of functioning in life.

I also have diagnosed Bipolar Disorder. That started when I was around 17 years old. My life has been so hard ever since then. Attempting to deal with both extreme mood instability combined with social difficulties has really made these last 4-5 years a real test on my mental health.

Currently I'm in college studying Psychology, it's going pretty slowly because of my difficulties in mood that have interrupted nearly every semester so far. But I'm getting there.. hopefully my new medication will keep working successfully. But despite medication helping with my Bipolar - I'm still really suffering & affected by the AvPD. I am in psychodynamic therapy, hoping that maybe I'll get some help for it.

As for your questions, Lily - I've only recently started posting in this part of the forum, but I do find it helpful to be able to relate to others, see that I'm not alone in this type of situation. I really hope that this forum can come together a bit more into a community-setting, as I've seen happen in other parts the board. I started posting here because I started realizing that I was getting support for my other problems (cutting & Bipolar) but I haven't been receiving support for the AvPD. So here I am!

- EGD.

I'm Diane and I'm in my 30s. I wasn't officially diagnosed with avoidant PD. However, when I asked my former therapist if that was my case, he didn't deny it. I say "former" because I have finished therapy a few weeks ago, after a long and painful 4 years process.

As a child, I had always been estranged by my family mostly. I spent my childhood (until I was 4 or 5) with my grandparents. My grandmother was depressed all the time (she had her reasons, she had lost a 19 years old son) and would cry almost every day and say that I should take care of her. My mother would visit from time to time. When she came, she used to say hello to her mother and nothing (absolutely nothing!) to me. Then my grandmother would start to say that nobody cares for her and so on. The only things I did with my mother were to assist her while cleaning their house (and the only words she would say to me were "be good" from time to time) and some talks when she would say I should try to be kinder to my grandmother. I felt my father's love a bit (but not too much) more. He was an alcoholic and quite cold. He would prefer me over my brother and that made my brother hate me.

Considering all this, I used to suffer a lot and cry very much. All my parents said was that "our daughter is weird. possibly crazy. we have to take her to a doctor". They never did. But all the family continued to say to me that I was weird, until recently.

A part from that, in my childhood, the other children laugh at me because I have different colored eyes. They always said I was weird. It was all very painful, so I started avoiding looking into people's eyes, even not wanting to talk to anyone I had just met, because I was afraid he or she would start making fun of me.

Those would be the main sources.

With therapy and lot of effort, I got to do stuff I had never done before, like looking people in the eyes while talking to them or be comfortable in delivering public presentations. I go to clubs a lot, I dance, I made new friends and discovered that some of the old ones had big issues of their own. Last year, I learned to bike by myself, in the park. Some of the people passing by laughed, but I didn't give a damn. And it felt great.

Hugs to all

Hi to BrokenGirl, kalico, captain ad hoc, Sara, EGD and Diane- nice to meet you all. For the newer members- you'd be more than welcome to stick around and join in here.

Well done and thanks for being brave enough to share- I know how hard it can be to talk about things.

Keep talking
Lily

Never been diagnosed with avpd or any mental health problem as i've never been to a mental health worker of any kind. I'm 23.

For as long as i can remember i have always felt different from most people, even my own mother has pointed out how weird i am. It was only in the last few years though that i started to look into reasons why and after looking for awhile i found out about avpd. Everything i read about it including the traits, symptoms, criteria, peoples stories and forum posts seemed to line up with everything i experienced and felt.

I honestly have no idea why i am the way i am, I guess its just genetics. Most people on here seemed to have been bullied, had traumatic events or terrible families. I never had any of that. I have never had any self esteem or confidence though, was always the shy quiet kid and people would always point it out. When ever i did show signs of over confidence though, or even become over talkative, someone would always shut me down or make me feel bad about it. It was usually just a small comment that didnt seem offensive but I took it personal.

I also have never figured out how to develop meaningful realtionships, even with my family. As a kid with my dad i would follow sports he liked to get close to him so we had something to talk about, however there was no reciprocation and i became bored of the stuff he liked. With my brothers I would go out of my way to get mulitplayer games for our nintendo but they would rarely play with me. At about 11 or 12 I just gave up and decided to live in my own world, none of them seemed to like anything i liked.

I also have a problem that if I dont see someone for a period of time that i lose all sense of connection with them. One of my brothers moved out of home a few years ago and i see him maybe 6-7 times a year and i have no personal feelings towards him. I dont hate or like him, I just feel neutral. I feel this way towards most people that i dont see for extended periods of time. It's like he can die and i wont care at all. I presume it will happen to my parents aswell if the same distancing occurs.

Currently in my life im not doing much, im a bit of a social parasite and sponge off my parents but i'm working on getting my life back on track. I completed a criminology/social justice course a few ago, I didnt do anything with it though as bascially the year after i finshed it my depression spiked and i became a bit agoraphobic. That basically ruined any decent job opportunites and finding work at the moment is hard without any work related references.

Oh and i think i've had a mild form of depression and thoughts of suicide since i was about 9 or 10. I also dont feel (or maybe express) many emotions. I do have a warped, dark and twisted sense of humour. I can see the funny side in anything.

Getting my mental thoughts into written word is hard as my mind usually feels cluttered. This is the longest post i've ever written, sorry to anyone who read it all.

With lily's questions I have found this forum helpful and educational, it also gives an insight into why people are they way they are. I posted here as I can actually relate to a group of people in my life for once.