What's Your Story- Introduce Yourself

Hi whiskeyplease

Welcome to the forums.

You are definitely not alone with all of this- feel free to post as much as you need to here. We're all a little reserved but friendly here.

Lily

Hi all,
Just found this site today. Must say that, after reading thru some of the posts, I'm impressed by the caring and courageous people here. What articulate and thoughtful posts! To answer the two questions: the forum is helpful because, as others have aptly expressed, it's nice to know that there are others out there who share problems similar to my own. And many seem to be functioning quite well; it's inspiring!
Secondly, the reason I decided to post: it's in an effort to reach out of my comfort zone and try to relate to others. I seldom do try anymore. But in recent years I seem to be degenerating even more into reclusiveness. In fact, I've been feeling more and more comfortable with the way I am, and I'm not entirely certain that that is a good thing.
My exploration into this avoidant personality thing started day before yesterday. I attended a local seminar on brain function and habits. Sat in the very front row so I could hear and see better (plus hardly anyone else was sitting there). While waiting for the presentation to begin, the one other lady nearby and I made small talk, where are you from, where do you work, etc. and she quickly began to "witness" to me. You know what I mean? Talking about religious faith. Now I'm not religious, don't mind people who are, but once she got going she really took off on it. I finally said something like, "I'm not religious," and she seemed to want to convince me of my error. Strange conversation to have with a total stranger, but it was to be an all day seminar and I felt it would be rude to change seats. I should say that I'm quite soft-spoken and reserved. And all of this DOES have a point
So I felt the need to defend myself and my non-belief for some reason. I guess over the years I've become tired of pushy people even though I remain quite self-effacing. I told her I live by myself, have no family whatsoever, been in my profession for almost 30 years, have a nice little home, love to learn new things, travel, read...in short, happy without religion. She gave me a knowing look as if she didn't believe me, and before she could say anything I went on to say I feel fulfilled, altho some people might not agree with me, it's how I feel.
The gentleman presenting the seminar couldn't have helped hearing all of this, he was about 8 feet away from us. He is a psychologist. Later in the morning, he introduced the topic on schizoid personality, while looking at me. It was not on the handout. I decided to look it up on the internet the next day, yesterday. In my reading, and doing that little quickie on-line test I've seen others make reference to on this forum, I've self-diagnosed myself. I cried a bit over it, to think that there is a "diagnosis" for my personality, for me. I'm more comfortable thinking of myself as shy, even a loner, or EVEN eccentric. But a mental illness? Somewhat devastating at first.
It is true that I have essentially no family, no friends, only acquaintances at work. I gradually pushed everyone away, the last friend just last year. I DO do things and get out and about by myself and am fairly comfortable doing so. But I still wonder, even after being this way my whole life...is it the right way to be? After I retire from work and have no human contact, will I degenerate somehow and become really crazy?
A sincere thank you to anyone who reads this far...I hope to follow postings here and get answers to many questions about how to live with this... Do some checking of my perceptions...Find other sources of help and information. And offer any kind of support I can to those currently in pain.
Thanks again!

Hi Hepzibah Pynchon,

It's not a mental illness, so don't worry And you should now that many of us, schizoids, are very content with who we are - we don't feel we should change, we don't feel abnormal. We just feel different. We like our sollitary activities and loner's lives. Visit us on the schizoid forum and see if you can relate to us.

And welcome to the forums

Hello everyone,

I just started a topic and was almost finished writing it then gave up cause it didn't sound good enough to me, how avoidant does that sound lol.

I'm self diagnosed and I know some people advise against that, but I know for sure I have it, because the disorder matches all of my behaviour, attitudes and opinions perfectly. I figured this out about a year ago, and I've joined the website to talk to others who have this disorder, as we are a niche group of people lol.

Hi Classic_Avoidant

Welcome to the forums. You'd be more than welcome to join us.

I hope you find it helpful to you.

Lily

Hello,

I feel the need to connect with others who have this disorder. I guess I'm just really trying to come to terms with the fact that there are disorders, and I have one, and now I need to know how to deal with it. I'm 64 years old, and just was told about this a couple of years ago by a therapist, and even then I didn't really understand (not that I do now, but I think I'm coming to). It's good to read the stories of others who are dealing with this. I am going to see a therapist and hope that helps. She's asking me to learn mindfulness. Is that an experience of anyone else?

All my life I thought I was depressed. I knew there was something, but I just wasn't sure what. I raised two girls basically alone, and they both had problems. In one group therapy session for one of the girls, the counselor asked everyone what they would do if an anonymous person came up and hit them. Everyone said they'd hit back, but knowing myself, I said I wouldn't because I would fear he'd hit again. I really wished at that time that I could have spoken more with that counselor to find out why I had a different reaction to all the other parents there.

What bothers me most about having this disorder is that I've hurt my daughters, and that is hard to deal with. If only I had known . . . . Now the counselor says I just need to concentrate on healing, and realize I can't heal my daughters.

I picked the name 'detached' because I've always felt as though I'm on the outside looking in on my life. eye_aint_got_no_body, I really related to your signature line "The further I get from the things I care about, the less I care about how much further away I get." That is something that has scared me a lot--that I just don't seem to care a lot about things I think I should care about, and I fake it. I haven't read a lot of the introductions, but I copied them and intend to read them all.

Hello to everyone, and God bless you all, even if you don't believe in Him. I'm looking forward to getting to know you as well as is possible over the Internet, and see if we can help each other.

detached

Not where I breath, but where I love, I live;
Not where I love, but where I am, I die;
--taken from "I dye alive" by Robert Southwell, a Medieval poet

Hi and welcome detached

I don't have any personal experience with mindfulness as yet, but I think it will come into my therapy later on- I have a lot to work on. I know there would be a couple of people here who have though.

Lily

Hi all, I'm a 23-year old socially awkward guy. Started reading about AvPD this week, and it pierced my heart and blew my mind. So many truths that I would love to pin onto my walls!

My apologies for the truckload of text. Skip the part between "====="s to get the summary, heheh.

===
At a very early age, I was diagnosed as being intellectually gifted (sorry, that's the best English translation I could find), so we usually appointed that as the reason for my "difference". Fear of failure, over-analyzing everything, that sort of stuff.

In primary school, I was too young to be bothered my by lack of social skills. In high school, I became an easy target for mean remarks, and I've been repeatedly abandoned by peers I considered to be my friends. Things were okay as long as I joked around or studied with them (that is, I did their work), but apparently they grew tired of me when my job was done. As such, I ended up hiding behind two stereotypes (the top-tier student and the joker) and simply blocking everything else altogether, up until this very day.

In a regular conversation, I'm afraid to state how I feel, what my hobbies are, or even what I'd like to have for dinner--- all in fear of being criticized or rejected. I rehearse every conversation in some kind of fantasy universe where I'm an awesome superstar, but it never comes true. I am convinced that everyone thinks I'm weird or boring or autistic, unless I play one of my safe roles.

So last year I had a severe breakdown. Took a year off after I'd finished my MSc thesis. Started taking theatre classes and I met a completely new type of people, who showed me amazing glimpses of what normal people call fun. But I keep hitting the same wall once I need to drop the masks. While I'm jealously watching everybody outperform me, I'm still as miserably inept as before, and it makes me so angry.

Just two weeks ago, I started sharing this problem with a new friend (through e-mails). She's amazingly helpful and understanding, and my current #1 fear is to lose her. She is encouraging me to look for answers, but pure coincidence made me discover AvPD.
===

My initial euphoria ("thank heavens, it's got a name") has made place for the idea that something is seriously wrong with me. And I'm already noticing effects in the smallest conversations. It's like the situation's been getting worse ever since I found out about this disorder.

Any ideas on what to do next? I fear that an official diagnosis will only make things worse. I would do absolutely anything to function normally, to be loved, and to feel genuinely happy. But now that I've found a clue to think about day and night, I'm afraid I can't pull that off anymore.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading I hope to find some comfort here.

Hi and welcome ChocolateOnToast

I have been given an official diagnosis of AvPD by my therapist- and it's been more help than hindrance in all honesty. It means we know what work I need to do to get to a point of being able to function reasonably well, and it's helped me understand a lot more about myself and how and why the things in my past have shaped how I am now.

We're all a bit reserved, but friendly too here- hope you find posting helpful to you.

I did read it all
Lily

Hi all.

I haven't been officially diagnosed with AvPD (actually I've never even talked to anyone about it, except in online forums) but I so clearly match the diagnosis that there's really no question. I learned about the disorder back in my early 20s, before the Age of the Internet, by reading up on abnormal psychology. I remember reading about Social Anxiety and thinking "kind of like me... but not quite" and then I hit on AvPD. I was amazed that there were other people out there exactly like me.

I'm 41, and have never had a meaningful relationship. There are people who have called me a friend, in the casual sense of the word, but I've never allowed myself to get close to anyone. Too scared. My anxiety is a lot more manageable now than in my earlier years, primarily because I tightly control my life so as to avoid anything that could cause stress (such as meeting people). It's a coping mechanism, and not one I'd recommend, but I'm still alive.

I believe my mental issues developed as a result of genetics, lack of effective parenting, and the extreme isolation/bullying which occurred after I moved to a new state at the start of my teenage years.