So.. I'm new to this forum.
I am female and 27 years old. The other day my therapist diagnosed me with Avoidant Personality Disorder and said that I also have some mild Borderline traits. I was kind of distressed by this because I have heard that personality disorders are pretty much set in stone and are more heavily stigmatized than regular mental illnesses. However, I really do fit the profile.
I grew up in a profoundly dysfunctional family and the abuse I recieved from my mother (who likely had a combo of very severe Borderline and also Narcissistic personality disorders) caused me to withdraw from other people, mostly because I feel I am inferior to others especially in regards to my physical appearance. I have taken numerous types of medications and have been hospitalized 3 times due to breakdowns and suicide attempts. I quit school at the age of 16 because I really could not handle rejection and basic social interaction. For years after that I went from shut-in to trying out jobs but usually failing at anything that required me to work where people watched me.I finally quit work and had to do therapy for a while.
At the age of 24 I entered a university and moved out on my own however, and finally learned to drive a car. I still have only one friend who I live with but I will likely not be close to her anymore when I graduate in another year or so. I find it difficult to make friends with anyone, even though I try to be outgoing. I just have nothing in common with other people, and my mood swings and complete self-loathing kind of prevent me from building anything with another human being.
Mostly I feel rather miserable that I have never had a real romantic relationship. I have been on a few dates with men I met online, but they never spoke to me afterwards. I like women too but nothing has ever worked out in that area either. I think that at my age I am getting too old to be with anyone. Who wants someone so inexperienced, especially when they are not good looking like me? I crave physical contact and affection, but I doubt I'll find it anytime soon.
I find the most comfort in my fantasy life. I play video games, watch movies, read books, etc. in order to escape from my loneliness. The fantasy world in my head is infinitely better than this one.
So now that you know my life story...