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Do you feel like a bad person?

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Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby trezza » Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:51 pm

Because of my personality and whether I have AvPD... or not, I often have this idea in my head that I'm a horrible person. I see people around me who are... lets say no angels, by that I mean they have hurt peoples feelings and done some nasty things in their time, where as when I think about it, I've never REALLY done anything wrong by anyone. But I see those people making plenty of friends with no trouble, those people must think they are a decent person to make friends with them, so why does no-one want to be friends with me, I must be the bad guy then...

It's stupid because I know I'm not a bad person, I'm a generally nice person, no-one appreciates that. I've tried being a dick, no-one appreciates that either so now I'm neutral, nil personality, I'm invisible. As if it isn't hard enough for me to communicate with people and form friendships it makes it worse when no one gives you a chance or has the time for you any way.

I wasn't brought up religious and I don't believe in god, but I've always followed the christian morals, I treat people with respect out in the world, I'm generous and kind yet it all goes unappreciated.

It just frustrates me, I've thought long and hard about what it is I've done that makes everyone ignore me and be hostile with me yet I've come up with nothing more other than the fact that I can be a little bit annoying/weird when I'm feeling a little manic and talky, which happens maybe once or twice a month.
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby AlAtBar » Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:21 pm

I do and the more of Millon I read, the more PDs or at least traits of PDs I think I have so it makes it worse. I feel that I have to pay a penance for my past behavior and misdeeds. So I work super hard, and don't let myself go out for much fun. When I do have a free moment, I feel I need to read more psych theory to make sure I'm not missing anything before my "final push".
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby himynameismish » Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:29 pm

I feel pretty much the same. Except I think that people may think I'm stuck-up, narcissistic, or think that I think I'm too good for them (which would all equate to being a horrible person). But I'm none of those things. Sometimes I worry I might be, because I get so caught up in my own anxious thoughts that I don't give some people the attention they deserve when they are talking to them - but it isn't because I don't care and am a horrible person and stuck up. Not at all.... I'm just a very scared and meek individual.
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby Existentialist » Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:44 pm

Yes, people thinking you are stuck up or arrogant is a common issue we often deal with. When you think about it objectively, its not their fault really and most probably don't mean ill-will. They just don't understand what you are about and where you are coming from. I know its hard to think like this and it goes out the window when you get this reaction but afterwords you can at least fall back on this idea so it doesnt stick with you.

First impressions mean a lot and lets face it, we are all superificial to some degree when it comes to first impression. If someone looks a certain way or has some body posture, we will automatically judge their mood or intent or what they are about. We don't take time to try to analyze the eprson. Its that first impression that impacts us usually, even though a negative evaluation may not be whats really going on. Someone may think your body actions and demeanor spell arrogance or being snooty. They don't know the degree we are internalizing the interaction and analyzing everything in the attempt to squash our anxiety. I even had someone tell me once they felt I was arrogant and my $#%^ didnt stink. Yes that hurts but people will hold those opinions some time.

What pisses me off is when someone knows you have this issue and will still judge you. I have had that a couple of times in group therapy. As I said in the past here, this personality disorder is not something most people can relate to in any way. They can understand being anxious or nervous in front of a large crowd or something like that but can't relate to being so anxious around people on a personal level that you shut down and avoid the interaction. When people question, I use that analogy. Imagine some anxious fear about speaking in public or what have you, magnify it ten times and thats what you have every time you encounter someone new. Your heart can pound, you can get clammy and the pit of your stomach can tighten up. You just freeze. It's not about being stuck up or arrogant. But you still get the response, "Just get out and get over it.". Imagine If I told someone with another personality disorders to just get over it.

Unfortunately, that's just the way it is.
“Perhaps, as some wit remarked, the best proof that there is Intelligent Life in Outer Space is the fact it hasn't come here. ”

--Arthur C Clarke
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby Dwight » Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:33 am

Hi trezza,

How can you rise above if you want to compare yourself to others- its not going to happen.

Yes, I understand where these thoughts come from- but trying to logically dissect and analyse will get you know where.

By the time you have made sense of everyones motives (from a SA or AvPD point of view) you have only increased the distance between you and your friends then wonder why you're being ignored.

Communication skills improve the more time you spend with someone.

Dwight :)
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby trezza » Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:27 pm

Hello Dwight,

You're absolutely correct, instead of sitting around I should do something about it, but because I lack the motivation to do anything i end up spending my time alone, and I end up having these thoughts again, it's a rather vicious cycle. It's can be even worse after the rare occasion I do something social.
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby Dwight » Thu Jul 07, 2011 2:41 pm

trezza wrote:Hello Dwight,

You're absolutely correct, instead of sitting around I should do something about it, but because I lack the motivation to do anything i end up spending my time alone, and I end up having these thoughts again, it's a rather vicious cycle. It's can be even worse after the rare occasion I do something social.


AvPD or SA uses disruptive thoughts for you to depend on it.
We feed the disorder by negative thoughts and analyzing those around us.
This is the only way it can survive.

You mentioned the after thoughts at a social event.
Understand it as the AvPD or SA getting worried that its not going to be able to control you anymore, so it will come down on you harder so you won't go against it again.

I control these disruptive thoughts by knowing this, sure one will slip by and kick me in the $%# but You learn from it- constantly learning.

Dwight
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby athwart » Thu Jul 07, 2011 2:48 pm

I don't think I'm a bad person. Just someone who is not a likeable person. My child likes me, but that seems more biologically driven than anything. Little children will always love their caregiver unconditionally, it's how our brains are wired to survive. I love my child unconditionally, it's how the human race has survived. Nobody else can make her laugh so hard to give her hiccups like me. :D

As I get older, I see that people will always treat me a certain way, I really can't change how other people are, I can only change myself. If on a scale from -10 to +10, with -10 being mortal enemies and +10 being BFF, I'm content to be in the -1 to +1 range.

I go through those little manic episodes where I talk, and people think I'm weird. Just wanted to identify with OP.
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby merely_me » Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:02 pm

athwart wrote:I don't think I'm a bad person. Just someone who is not a likeable person. My child likes me, but that seems more biologically driven than anything. Little children will always love their caregiver unconditionally, it's how our brains are wired to survive. I love my child unconditionally, it's how the human race has survived. Nobody else can make her laugh so hard to give her hiccups like me. :D

As I get older, I see that people will always treat me a certain way, I really can't change how other people are, I can only change myself. If on a scale from -10 to +10, with -10 being mortal enemies and +10 being BFF, I'm content to be in the -1 to +1 range.

I go through those little manic episodes where I talk, and people think I'm weird. Just wanted to identify with OP.


I think you are probably likable, but your AvPD gives you false perceptions on how people view you. I told someone that I didn't think anybody really liked me, and she told me how she had told people what a cool person I was... something that really shocked me. I don't think anybody dislikes you, I think that people don't always know how to respond to really shy people so they treat them in a way that might make an avoidant person feel like they are being disliked.
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Re: Do you feel like a bad person?

Postby athwart » Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:34 pm

I think you are probably likable, but your AvPD gives you false perceptions on how people view you. I told someone that I didn't think anybody really liked me, and she told me how she had told people what a cool person I was... something that really shocked me. I don't think anybody dislikes you, I think that people don't always know how to respond to really shy people so they treat them in a way that might make an avoidant person feel like they are being disliked.


That is a very kind thing to say, but I think you misunderstand. I don't think people necessarily hate or dislike me. I don't register as someone they are interested in maintaining a friendship with. It's like if a person is a sine wave, I'm 90 degrees out of phase with them, like I am half invisible and only half there.
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