Because of my personality and whether I have AvPD... or not, I often have this idea in my head that I'm a horrible person. I see people around me who are... lets say no angels, by that I mean they have hurt peoples feelings and done some nasty things in their time, where as when I think about it, I've never REALLY done anything wrong by anyone. But I see those people making plenty of friends with no trouble, those people must think they are a decent person to make friends with them, so why does no-one want to be friends with me, I must be the bad guy then...
It's stupid because I know I'm not a bad person, I'm a generally nice person, no-one appreciates that. I've tried being a dick, no-one appreciates that either so now I'm neutral, nil personality, I'm invisible. As if it isn't hard enough for me to communicate with people and form friendships it makes it worse when no one gives you a chance or has the time for you any way.
I wasn't brought up religious and I don't believe in god, but I've always followed the christian morals, I treat people with respect out in the world, I'm generous and kind yet it all goes unappreciated.
It just frustrates me, I've thought long and hard about what it is I've done that makes everyone ignore me and be hostile with me yet I've come up with nothing more other than the fact that I can be a little bit annoying/weird when I'm feeling a little manic and talky, which happens maybe once or twice a month.
"Nobler than Oedipus, Clairvoyant and toothless."