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Conflicted (Passive-Aggressive) Avoidant

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Conflicted (Passive-Aggressive) Avoidant

Postby jane200 » Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:49 am

Does anyone here identify as a Conflicted Avoidant type?

* conflicted avoidant - including negativistic features

The conflicted avoidant feels ambivalent towards themselves and others. They can idealize those close to them but under stress they may feel under-appreciated or misunderstood and wish to hurt others in revenge.[9] They may be perceived as petulant or to be sulking.[9]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality

It's like combining avoidant traits with passive aggressive traits. Here's a quote from a book: "They idealize their close friends and companions, but should their sense of autonomy be threatened, they seek to undermine or humiliate them...They may attack others for failing to recognize their need for affection, but accuse those who offer nurturance of seeking to compromise their independence."

I think I could classify myself as a conflicted avoidant. I always thought I had some passive-aggressive traits, though sometimes I can be just simply aggressive - with those close to me, and family members, sadly.

I was wondering if anyone else here used things like procrastination, breaking promises, avoidance, and even full-blown silent treatment, as an aggressive measure that's nevertheless rooted in our avoidant traits? I think that's what describes me. :|
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Re: Conflicted (Passive-Aggressive) Avoidant

Postby twistermind » Wed Feb 02, 2011 4:30 pm

Yeah, I think I am. When I´m with my family I feel a different in the way my parents treat my syblings (brother and sister) and me. I feel as if they(my parents) had put a label on me (inmadure- different- odd) and I Do really feel like this.
I sometimes ends up having an argument with my relatives for any other tiny thing, or I simply go home and try to ignore them as much as possible.
It´s insane but I have been repeating this behaviour since I was a child. Now, I tend to choose the avoidant pattern but the feeling of rejection is the same.
How to cope with it when I´m so conviced that they are really treating me like this? :?
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Re: Conflicted (Passive-Aggressive) Avoidant

Postby Quests » Thu Feb 03, 2011 12:58 am

The conflicted avoidant feels ambivalent towards themselves and others. They can idealize those close to them but under stress they may feel under-appreciated or misunderstood and wish to hurt others in revenge.[9] They may be perceived as petulant or to be sulking.[9]


"They idealize their close friends and companions, but should their sense of autonomy be threatened, they seek to undermine or humiliate them...They may attack others for failing to recognize their need for affection, but accuse those who offer nurturance of seeking to compromise their independence."



Hmmm this is interesting. I think I have some characteristics that fall in long with this. For the most part I am a laid back person(probably too laid back) , however if some one close to me pushes me too far(I mean to the extreme) I can snap without notice or warning, especially if I feel if they are A. trying to take advantage of me or B. trying to control me or ridicule me for not being like a normal person my age.

Like twistermind mention I do my best to only be around them as little as possible. I suppress or flat out ignore a good portion of the things that makes me angry or upset so when it finally comes out I can't cope with it and just turn cold, aggressive, and reclusive(more so then I am now) when my family starts their interrogating me. The part I hate most about it is when a person that has nothing to do with why you really are upset becomes affected by the emotion or triggers something inside of you that makes you become numb. It leaves a poor gutted feeling inside my stomach as nothing is worst then having a innocent bystander feel like they did something to upset you. I usually have extreme cases of these moments about once or twice a year, for the other days I just remain aloof and boring. I call it Procrastinated Rage, but conflicted avoidant sounds better :evil: :lol:
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