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Success stories?

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Success stories?

Postby Lich » Thu Jul 08, 2010 1:32 am

At the moment, I find myself less "between a rock and a hard place" than fully encased in carbonite. In short, things are bad. Really bad. So, rather than regale the forum with dreary problems it has no means of influencing, I come to you seeking motivation. What, if any, success stories do you all have to share? Has anyone here defeated this or at least managed to live sufficiently well in spite of it? If so, how functional or non-functional were you at the start? Please, share your stories.
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Re: Success stories?

Postby trefusis » Thu Jul 08, 2010 4:00 pm

Many children and teenagers who used to be very shy and have low esteem are now success stories because they relinquished those feelings when they matured. The problem with many sufferers of AvPD is that they continue with the perceptions they had when they were younger and perpetuate the habits they acquired, of withdrawal, defense mechanisms and isolation.

I was a very shy and self conscious child. It was a very long time ago when AvPD was not even discussed or observed as a phenomenon. I learned over the years that I had skills, abillities and worth. Gradually I realised that people actually liked me and my shyness evaporated, slowly but surely. I didn't need a therapist to tell me this could happen. I realised it independently.

The big problem with AvPD types is that they shun relationships and intimacy through fear. They avoid thinking in an insightful way, the most crucial part of which is to realise that everyone takes risks, everyone occasionally gets rejected and everyone suffers pain. But to shrink away from such risks is to go to an even worse place, full of loneliness, even more self doubt and even more fear due to the self imposed isolation. I do not believe any avoidant person really wants isolation. They need love, affection and to be valued people.

The biggest stepping stone to recovery is courage. To take courage can't make things worse, since many suffers are already in a place which couldn't be worse anyway. One might as well throw caution to the wind and take a leap. It can't be worse than it is already and might end up a lot better. Small and positive steps, and a program of positive progress divided into one by one tasks is the way forward to stop the overwhelming negative thoughts and doubts.
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Re: Success stories?

Postby ultimate_krang » Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:43 pm

you can but you have to realise it is the negative thoughts that are ingrained in you that are holding you back and not some other reason. and it takes alot of time and effort reversing those thoughts.
anyway i think ive come a long way. i dont think i was as bad as some people on here but i definately had a problem that was interfering with my life and making me misreble everytime i percieved myself to of done something wrong in a social situation or just making myself misreble for avoiding people and social situations as much as possible. anyway i think im alot better now, i got a job in a shop so that forced me into talking to work people and strangers everyday, something i would 100% never of done otherwise.eventually i admitted to myself i had a problem and needed to tackle it, i really put alot of effort in being freindly and talking and thinking positive while i was at work and initiating alot of conversations with customers ect, i really learnt alot from that job about how to act with people/ how to treat them. then i moved to china for half a year and i think that boosted my confidence a hellova lot. i think my self image is improved ten fold.
basicly it can be done, alot of people on here are so stuck into their bad thought patterns and have been stuck with this for so long that you might not get to much back in the way of a positive sucess story, so try not to be discouraged. if your serious get some books and download some tapes and stuff and stick to it.
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Re: Success stories?

Postby squeegee » Sat Jul 10, 2010 12:06 pm

I do not believe any avoidant person really wants isolation


I have seen people here say schizoid is not compatible with avoidant. But I have at least some some schizoid traits. I go through cycles. I go for long periods where I don't mind being alone, and sometimes even prefer it. Maybe I'm just ignoring the problem; I don't know; maybe the key word in the quote above is "really." But I don't want to be alone ALL of the time, and avoidant interferes with doing something about it.

Sorry for the hijack. I'm certainly not a success story.
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Re: Success stories?

Postby fervent » Sun Jul 11, 2010 11:33 pm

BRAVO trefusis!!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!! And thank you! Most encouraging to both parties,.....BRAVO!!!!
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Re: Success stories?

Postby trefusis » Mon Jul 12, 2010 8:10 pm

fervent wrote:BRAVO trefusis!!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!! And thank you! Most encouraging to both parties,.....BRAVO!!!!


You're very welcome!
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Re: Success stories?

Postby Rustynail » Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:50 am

trefusis wrote:The biggest stepping stone to recovery is courage. To take courage can't make things worse, since many suffers are already in a place which couldn't be worse anyway. One might as well throw caution to the wind and take a leap. It can't be worse than it is already and might end up a lot better. Small and positive steps, and a program of positive progress divided into one by one tasks is the way forward to stop the overwhelming negative thoughts and doubts.

I agree with much of what you wrote, however, for me, I'm not sure that courage was the biggest stepping stone. I found that insight was the key turning point. By insight I mean a very profound understanding of why I had the problems I had and how to go about changing for the better. Before this I stuck myself out there hundreds of times through courage alone and in the end I did get worse for it. Maybe for some others here however, courage will be the deciding factor. I guess it depends on the person.

One of my main problems was I never had a real sense of self. Being brought up in a dysfunctional home can rip any normal sense of self right out of a person and leave one to wonder why they are the way they are. People are very programmable beings especially at a young age, so it can be garbage in – garbage out very easily. I used to read self-help books and so forth and it never really sunk in at all. It just didn't seem to apply to me. I didn't have any kind of base to start from whereas many other "normal" people would have at least some sense of self worth to begin with. Because of this my level of emotional maturity was stunted in certain ways.

Today I feel my level of maturity has improved a great deal. In fact I find many “normal” people to be less emotionally mature than myself, which is a strange place to be. Actually it feels somewhat uneasy in certain ways.

I don't feel comfortable saying I'm a success story, at least not yet anyway but I have come a long way from where I was. I was a person who had a hard time just going to the end of my lane to get the mail or do some small chore like cutting the grass. I don't feel anxiety doing these things now or many other things but I certainly did at one time.

After so many years of suffering I'm still not sure if my avoidancy can be resolved to the degree I would like as there are many scars but I can say that a better life is possible and enjoying life at least to some extent doesn't have to be an unreachable goal if one is willing to do whatever it takes to get going down the right path and to do that, I agree, that courage is required. Just be sure you’re coming at it with the knowledge and maturity that is required as well.

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“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Carl Jung (1875-1961)

"Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them."
Albert Einstein (1879–1955)
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Re: Success stories?

Postby fervent » Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:29 am

it is what u want! everybody goes thru pain, rejection,...EVERYBODY!!!! it is what one has learned how to cope,..courage. what you want out of life!!! rember,..EVERYONE goes thru bad stuf...EVERYONE!!! what you do with life/opportunities is what you decide to do with it!
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Re: Success stories?

Postby trefusis » Wed Jul 14, 2010 3:09 pm

Rustynail wrote:I agree with much of what you wrote, however, for me, I'm not sure that courage was the biggest stepping stone. I found that insight was the key turning point. By insight I mean a very profound understanding of why I had the problems I had and how to go about changing for the better.


Hi Rustynail,

Yes I agree too...insight is crucial, but I meant to imply that gaining insight, or wanting to, is also a form of courage. But you are right, gaining insight is half the battle.

The problem with many avoidants is that they also avoid insight or any attempt to understand why they don't make relationships work, or why they are socially shy when in fact they are often just as capable and attractive as anyone else, if only they would believe it.

But for me the one of the most damaging aspect of AvPD, and this is not often discussed, is the damage they do to others too! The damage is sometimes the result of sudden withdrawal or distancing without an explanation or rational reason. Other people they either depend on, or they tentatively form relationships with, are often dismayed and hurt by what they see as inexplicable escape and avoidance by someone they felt they had connected with.

As with all PDs, avoidance can not only harm the sufferer, but can also do harm to others who invested time and emotions of their own, only to be rebuffed for reasons entirely unconnected with them. As benign as Avoidance Disorder sounds, it is no different to the other PDs in that the sufferer, in usually a passive-aggressive manner, denies, avoids, sabotages and subverts perfectly good relationships and friendships leaving others hurt, dumfounded and confused.

Part of my own "recovery" from extreme shyness was the realisation that in some ways it is a protection and escape that impacts on others, who are doing their best to integrate and encourage the shy person to take a full part in life.
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Re: Success stories?

Postby fervent » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:36 am

Touche' trefusis! Not that this is a competion veiw or idea? But,..yes..both parties are affected esp two parties made a friendship! A lot of passive-aggressive behavior on avpd. I feel such a burden on how they react. But...I am not co-dependant! It will continue to be "ugly" if compermise,no communication is acted.

How can avpd relize the other really cares? Yes, be times I say stupid stuf,..but..ALL relationships behave in matters? It is that you work stuf out say,I need space or I don't like that.

It is a lot of fear.I see avpd "comfortable" with fear. Very sad. I wish I could make all the fear go away? But,I can't.

It is up to the individual to decide. To decide if one can weather"risk" being happy, or, live in fear.

Thank you let me share my veiw trefusis! You said more inteligantly then I can.

I think I may move on ...certain relationships I have.
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