I'm new here but I've been reading the forums for sometime and I can relate to alot of you.
When I was a kid I went through alot of bullying and teasing all through school and my mother would often say things to me like I wished I never would of had you.
So during this time I only really had one friend and was usually unconfortable around people or in sociall situtations.
At about 15 years old after my parents divorced which my mother blamed me ( I'll never forget that) things seemed to get better after moving to a new place where nobody new me. I lost wieght, grew my hair long, (this was my heavy metal phase) and had lots of girlfriends, friends, although looking back now I realize most of them were just fairweather friends.
Well to make a long story short by 21 I started becoming more and more withdrawn and scared of people. Also my appearance got worse and found that people seemed to go out of there way to be rude to me for no reason. I am now 34 and have no friends, no relationships, I live with my mother who I take care of. I don't have a job and at this time and I don't think I could get one with my condition.
It's not that I hate people its just people seem to hate me, I know I'm not very goodlooking but do people really have to be so superficial? Its so bad now if I want to get groceries I usually wait until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning just to avoid as many people as possible. I never go out anymore, my house is my prison.
I've never been officially diagnosed but I do relate to alot of people here. How do I get out of this hell I'm in?
Suicide sounds like its the only option sometimes.
Anyway I was hoping to meet some people I could connect with on here, Thanks