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Does everyone here know WHY they avoid people?

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Does everyone here know WHY they avoid people?

Postby babyborn » Tue May 26, 2009 3:57 am

Whenever I read about AvPD, it says that they 'avoid others due to fear of rejection, judgment, or humiliation'. I totally admit I am extremely self conscious and I care way too much about what others think of me. I know people don't get me, it is a given. But when I avoid people - I never directly linked it to some type of fear of rejection. There is a lack of connection/emotion I have with people (aside from family).

Avoiding people is my natural instinct. It is something I've pretty much always done without even thinking about it. I never knew why I did it, I just thought it was part of who I was. I simply COULDN'T open up to people or connect with them. If anyone were to try and strike up a conversation with me, I'd make my replies as short as possible so I could leave. I feel like talking to people is only draining- not fun or worth the effort. Yes I really want people to like me, but even if I was around someone who really liked me and they invited me to hang out...I know I would STILL avoid them.

In my mind I think of having friends who I like being around. I picture having fun and being happy to be in their presence. In real life, I've never met someone who made me feel that way. Even my 'friends' in high school knew nothing about me ..and I was honestly nothing like them. I realized I was only hanging around them so I wouldn't look like a loser sitting alone. I didn't really want to be around them.

It's hard for me to explain but I feel like a zombie around people. The way AvPD is described , it sounds like avoidants only avoid others because they're so insecure and afraid. Like they walk into a mall anticipating rejection and that's why they avoid people. MAYBE that is my problem subconsciously and I'm not realizing it. I don't describe my problem like that. I describe it as feeling like an emotionless zombie around others. No connection to them, I can't relate to them....even with my old 'friends' I felt like it was a choir to be around them.

Does this sound like avoidant to you? I personally know I have this disorder regardless, maybe this specific problem is related to something else. Judging from what others have written on here...I have never had someone describe the things that go through my head as much as they did on here. I feel like if this IS a AvPD problem...they need to do a better job of describing this disorder. People on here describe to a T what I feel and what I think. Websites don't seem to be as accurate. Then again most avoidants even avoid seeing a doctor so maybe the only have so much information to work with LMAO

(Seeing the poll where like 80% of people are 'self diagnosed' due to not wanting to talk to a shrink! LOL That's when you KNOW you have avoidant personality disorder. Those with simple social anxiety have it easy compared to us 8)
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Postby shhhshhh » Tue May 26, 2009 5:33 am

I don't know. I always have. It's like an instinct.
Yes, it is possible to be this good looking and not have a girlfriend ;)
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Postby swift. » Tue May 26, 2009 5:38 am

Personally, I'm not afraid of being rejected, because I expect to be rejected. I have such a poor confidence in my social abilities and such an ugly perception of myself that I will often feel guilty just being around people. So I just try to make my presence as minimal as possible in most social situations. It's better for both myself and others for me to remain in isolation.

The 'emotionless zombie' aspect however seems to be more along the lines of schizoid or schizotypal, but it could just be a sub-conscious defense mechanism or the result of depression.
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Postby babyborn » Tue May 26, 2009 5:52 am

swift. wrote:Personally, I'm not afraid of being rejected, because I expect to be rejected. I have such a poor confidence in my social abilities and such an ugly perception of myself that I will often feel guilty just being around people. So I just try to make my presence as minimal as possible in most social situations. It's better for both myself and others for me to remain in isolation.

The 'emotionless zombie' aspect however seems to be more along the lines of schizoid or schizotypal, but it could just be a sub-conscious defense mechanism or the result of depression.


I used to think I was schizoid but I know I'm not. Schizoid's don't have a problem being alone - I do. I'm not emotionless unless I'm out of my house and around others. At home I am sensitive and very emotional internally. Once I'm around other people, I feel detached from my emotions and walk around feeling spaced out. I almost feel invisible in public. If someone talks to me I am usually thinking of something else and daydreaming.

I think being in the real world forces me to realize that my daydreams aren't reality. I see my actual reality and I hate it... which is why I daydream to begin with. It really bothers me that I can't connect with anyone. How could I? I am so abnormal, and my thought process is so different from the average person...there is no way they could relate to me.
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Postby twistermind » Tue May 26, 2009 7:32 pm

I feel contradictory things. On one hand, I don´t feel comfortable with people because I can´t concentrate in the conversation, I´m much worried about if I can be one of them. But on the other hand, I sometimes think that I´m better alone. I don´t know if the latter is a defense machanism.
Having avoidance made a gladiator of me.
" Controlling Avoidance comes with understanding Avoidance. Treat the avoidance as a separated identity; that is, avíes decissions and your decissions" (by Dwight)
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Postby Odditys » Wed May 27, 2009 3:33 am

Yeah. They ######6 hate me, and I'm not too interested in them.
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Postby CSRevenant » Wed May 27, 2009 3:33 am

I used to think i was schizoid too, but i feel much more in line with the people here on the avpd forum, and avpd seems like a much better description of me.

I avoid people because:

1. Fear of rejection, i hate to step outside of my little bubble.

2. I don't like most people, as i project my self hate onto them, and i find them very irritating.

3. I'm so used to being alone that its second nature.

4. I'm often at a loss for words when talking, and im quite clumsy when i talk. So i try not to look like a fool the only way i know how - not talking.

5. I don't like to be vulnerable, in any way, even in the smallest way. And i'm afraid of letting people in, as id surely scare them away if they knew the real me.
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Re: Does everyone here know WHY they avoid people?

Postby iwish » Wed May 27, 2009 5:02 am

babyborn wrote:Whenever I read about AvPD, it says that they 'avoid others due to fear of rejection, judgment, or humiliation'. I totally admit I am extremely self conscious and I care way too much about what others think of me. I know people don't get me, it is a given. But when I avoid people - I never directly linked it to some type of fear of rejection. There is a lack of connection/emotion I have with people (aside from family).

Avoiding people is my natural instinct. It is something I've pretty much always done without even thinking about it. I never knew why I did it, I just thought it was part of who I was. I simply COULDN'T open up to people or connect with them. If anyone were to try and strike up a conversation with me, I'd make my replies as short as possible so I could leave. I feel like talking to people is only draining- not fun or worth the effort. Yes I really want people to like me, but even if I was around someone who really liked me and they invited me to hang out...I know I would STILL avoid them.

In my mind I think of having friends who I like being around. I picture having fun and being happy to be in their presence. In real life, I've never met someone who made me feel that way. Even my 'friends' in high school knew nothing about me ..and I was honestly nothing like them. I realized I was only hanging around them so I wouldn't look like a loser sitting alone. I didn't really want to be around them.

It's hard for me to explain but I feel like a zombie around people. The way AvPD is described , it sounds like avoidants only avoid others because they're so insecure and afraid. Like they walk into a mall anticipating rejection and that's why they avoid people. MAYBE that is my problem subconsciously and I'm not realizing it. I don't describe my problem like that. I describe it as feeling like an emotionless zombie around others. No connection to them, I can't relate to them....even with my old 'friends' I felt like it was a choir to be around them.

Does this sound like avoidant to you? I personally know I have this disorder regardless, maybe this specific problem is related to something else. Judging from what others have written on here...I have never had someone describe the things that go through my head as much as they did on here. I feel like if this IS a AvPD problem...they need to do a better job of describing this disorder. People on here describe to a T what I feel and what I think. Websites don't seem to be as accurate. Then again most avoidants even avoid seeing a doctor so maybe the only have so much information to work with LMAO

(Seeing the poll where like 80% of people are 'self diagnosed' due to not wanting to talk to a shrink! LOL That's when you KNOW you have avoidant personality disorder. Those with simple social anxiety have it easy compared to us 8)


Babyborn: first off, if you self-diagnose then MAYBE you don't have AVPD.

Secondly, your reasons may be subconscious. Maybe you are frightened by what may find so you deny it at the conscious level. If you do some analysis and you try to be brave and work with a therapist, you might get to the bottom of why you avoid people.

When I avoid people I don't consciously say it to myself they might judge me. I just avoid them. There are specific people who I avoid who are judgemental. But I don't make a conscious decision all the time. It's instinctive. This is how are brains work. We leave a lot up to the automatic part.

p.s. it is not very clear if social phobia and AVPD are really different. AVPD maybe a more chronic or instense version SP.
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Postby Carl » Wed May 27, 2009 7:12 am

For me a combination of shyness, introvertedness, past rejections ,meaningful relationships that ended, disgusted often by popular culture + societies norms due to Christian beliefs and good old fashioned common sense ( but also felt rejected by the church I tried attending), low self esteem, not sure of where I beong in life (no freinds, spouse, or career yet), too sensitive, often too self-absorbed, depressive personality/negative thinking, too judgemental + critical of others, too controling + perhaps even manipulative (not sure of that one because it's one quality that's hard to realize and also admit) and lets not forget fear.
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Re:

Postby Kourin » Sun May 31, 2009 3:03 am

swift. wrote:The 'emotionless zombie' aspect however seems to be more along the lines of schizoid or schizotypal, but it could just be a sub-conscious defense mechanism or the result of depression.

Having been through the emotionless zombie phase myself, it most definitely is a defense mechanism. If I'm completely apathetic towards everybody and everything, then there's nothing that can harm me... is what I thought at the time, and although I really regret it now, I have to acknowledge that it probably saved me from becoming a depression case study.
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