Whenever I read about AvPD, it says that they 'avoid others due to fear of rejection, judgment, or humiliation'. I totally admit I am extremely self conscious and I care way too much about what others think of me. I know people don't get me, it is a given. But when I avoid people - I never directly linked it to some type of fear of rejection. There is a lack of connection/emotion I have with people (aside from family).
Avoiding people is my natural instinct. It is something I've pretty much always done without even thinking about it. I never knew why I did it, I just thought it was part of who I was. I simply COULDN'T open up to people or connect with them. If anyone were to try and strike up a conversation with me, I'd make my replies as short as possible so I could leave. I feel like talking to people is only draining- not fun or worth the effort. Yes I really want people to like me, but even if I was around someone who really liked me and they invited me to hang out...I know I would STILL avoid them.
In my mind I think of having friends who I like being around. I picture having fun and being happy to be in their presence. In real life, I've never met someone who made me feel that way. Even my 'friends' in high school knew nothing about me ..and I was honestly nothing like them. I realized I was only hanging around them so I wouldn't look like a loser sitting alone. I didn't really want to be around them.
It's hard for me to explain but I feel like a zombie around people. The way AvPD is described , it sounds like avoidants only avoid others because they're so insecure and afraid. Like they walk into a mall anticipating rejection and that's why they avoid people. MAYBE that is my problem subconsciously and I'm not realizing it. I don't describe my problem like that. I describe it as feeling like an emotionless zombie around others. No connection to them, I can't relate to them....even with my old 'friends' I felt like it was a choir to be around them.
Does this sound like avoidant to you? I personally know I have this disorder regardless, maybe this specific problem is related to something else. Judging from what others have written on here...I have never had someone describe the things that go through my head as much as they did on here. I feel like if this IS a AvPD problem...they need to do a better job of describing this disorder. People on here describe to a T what I feel and what I think. Websites don't seem to be as accurate. Then again most avoidants even avoid seeing a doctor so maybe the only have so much information to work with LMAO
(Seeing the poll where like 80% of people are 'self diagnosed' due to not wanting to talk to a shrink! LOL That's when you KNOW you have avoidant personality disorder. Those with simple social anxiety have it easy compared to us