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Avoidant w/ Narcissist

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Avoidant w/ Narcissist

Postby grasshopper » Wed Oct 17, 2007 1:49 am

Hello. It has recently been brought to my attention that I have all the classic symptoms of an Avoidant Personality. This realization and call to attention came about while having an emotional and physical relationship with a person who is a classic Narcissist.

I have been wondering if these two disorders commonly feed off of one another. A ying/yang sort of relationship, or an 'ecosystem' of sorts.

Anyone ever hear of this? I find lots of literature on APD and NPD, but very little on how these two interact with one another. Is there any advice one might give to assist me in helping BOTH parties in this relationship get the fulfillment in life they need--without constantly draining one another? Or, is it a hopeless situation all around?
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Postby Iron Angel » Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:30 am

An avoidant + narcissist sounds like a really bad combination. I've been around the narcissistic type and I would hate spending more time than just the infrequent ocassion I see them based on a casual friendship.

I can easily see them feeding off each other in a very negative way. My avoidant qualities always get exacerbated when I spend too much time around those kinds of people.
When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things.

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Postby grasshopper » Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:45 pm

Do you think that two persons, with adult understanding and reasoning can work through these issues and find a positive way to find fulfilling lives together?? I'm talking middle aged persons here, not early 20's.
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Postby Her0savestheday » Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:24 pm

sachimi wrote:Do you think that two persons, with adult understanding and reasoning can work through these issues and find a positive way to find fulfilling lives together?? I'm talking middle aged persons here, not early 20's.


That's up to the individuals. If it works it works, if it doesn't then chances are no amount of therapy is going to change that. ESPECIALLY with the narcissist. AvPD and DPD are the two most easily treated cluster B PD's. Narcissists, well let's just say insurance won't cover the actual treatment for NPD.
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Postby Parador » Thu Oct 18, 2007 9:52 pm

I don't think it would be a good idea to be with a narcissist. I tried a relationship with a borderline PD woman once and it was terrible.
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Postby BlueShift » Sun Oct 21, 2007 8:57 pm

I am also inclined to think that it depends on both parties. Avoidant- and narcissist behavior are problematic traits, but traits nonetheless. They either collide or don't.

Her0savestheday wrote:AvPD and DPD are the two most easily treated cluster B PD's.

Are they?
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Postby strugglebox » Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:58 pm

actually I thought Avoidant was Cluster C (anxious or fearful disorders)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personalit ... c_criteria
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Postby mullog » Sun Nov 11, 2007 11:40 pm

I've been reading some things about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and it really got me confused.

As to the original question, from what I've read, it doesn't seem like a match. If narcissists are manipulative, then an avpd would be very "unprotected", no?

But, if you don't mind me asking a question of my own about npd.
Ever since I read about avpd the fit was so perfect that I was sure this is what I had, but now I'm reading about npd and wondering if I got it right.

The thing is there is something called shy narcissist. Now, I fit the social anxious, complete recluse, no friends or close relationships of avpd. I even have ocd which is linked to avpd, but if I am to be completly honest then I would have to admit that when I feel less depressed I do exagerate some of my possibilities and skills and then focus on a what-if world in my head. I mean I know I have unrealistic dreams and excpectations, but on the other hand when I'm in social situations I always downgrade myself to everyone present.
Now, many avpd's also have a dream world to ease the lack of interpersonal relationships, so I don't know.

Another thing is lack of empathy. I personally feel very bad when I see kids mistreated by their parents, but I find it hard sometimes to feel for someone who had an acident.

I would like to understand better the diference. I don't have good relationships with my family and I do think a lot about me, but I don't really conscientiously consider anyone guilty of my current situation(other than myself and in a small and probably unconscious ways, my mother).

What do you guys think?
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