I posted in the significant others forum, but was wondering if someone who had avoidant tendencies could help me with a little insight and guidance regarding my ex girlfriend.
Full story is on the other board, but in brief we'd been in regular contact since we split (her choice, after an argument), and everything was quite fun and friendly, and we'd even talked about getting back together. It seemed her feelings for me hadn't changed, and that the main issue was that we weren't living together anymore, and she hated the time we spent apart. She had said several times that she found it unbearably painful at those times, and would admit to acting up because of it. It made me sad to think she felt like that, and said she should just call me whenever she needed to, and I'd always be there for her, but she couldn't do that.
The last time we met, which was about a month ago, was again very friendly, and we'd even made plans to do other things, and so I was hopeful things might be working out. However, since then she's withdrawn and pulled away sharply. There was no explanation, just a complete reversal from friendliness, to distance and a lack of response to any messages. Is that a common thing?
I knew she was under a lot of pressure at work, and was confused about us and so, after a couple of weeks of her being distant I called and said that perhaps I should give her a bit of space, as she had a lot on her plate, and that this was maybe just unfairly adding to it. I thought she may appreciate that, and feel less pressured, but instead she seemed a bit agitated and angry about it, and hung up.
I figured it best to leave it and didn't chase her about it, and left it a couple of weeks before sending a text saying I hoped she was well, and that it would be nice to catch up if she wanted, but if not have a good weekend. I got no response. That was about a week ago.
I admit I find it hard sometimes, as I'm not the type to chase or be overly emotional, and so sometimes she seems to think I don't care, or don't think about her, and yet when I tell her she then tends to pull back again, although never too far, and not like this.
So now I'm unsure what to do. Is it best to just leave her, and let her reach out, if and when she wants to? Although she finds that really hard, even if she wanted to.
Or should I keep reaching out every now and then? I'm happy to do that, but equally don't want to be annoying, or find it pushes her away further. I don't even know if she's angry, indifferent, dismissive, or sad and trying to bury it.
I guess I don't know whether she's just lost interest and moved on, or if she's finding it too difficult and so had pulled away to detach fully, or if she wants some reassurance, and for me to fight harder for her. She did say when we first split that I didn't fight for her, but who knows whether she cares about that now.
I don't mind doing the latter, as she's always responded to me being persuasive and persistent in the past, but that seems impossible now that she's being entirely unresponsive.
I suppose I'm asking the impossible, by wanting some insight into how she may be thinking, but I do care about her very much, and when we were together we got on really well, so don't want to give up on her if I think there's a chance things can work.
So, if anyone has any thoughts on what I should do, or how best to do it, then I'd really appreciate it.