I was recently diagnosed with AVPD

So, I'm only 19 and I've never really posted anything on the internet before.

Anyway, I saw my psychologist yesterday and after what has been weeks of testing, she's finally written a report and gave me the results. Turns out I have avoidant personality disorder.
Now, my main concern is that I go and read about people with AVPD and how they deal with it. Some of what I read is supportive and positive, but then some of what I read is people with relationship problems or people much older than me who have never been in a relationship or even had sex, and that's sad to me.
I guess what I'm looking for in this forum is some reassurance that this personality disorder, coupled with anxiety and depression, doesn't make me a lost cause. That it doesn't mean I'm going to be alone well into my 30s when I can hardly handle being alone now.
I'm not one to rant about my own issues.
All I'd like to know is how a person with anxiety issues and depression and avoidant personality disorder can create and maintain a healthy, stable, loving romantic relationship with another person when all I've read online about AVPD and relationships is how people should avoid those with AVPD.

Did your Psychologist discuss a treatment plan with you? AVPD is treatable, and if you are willing to put in the effort then you will see improvement. I have seen big improvements in myself from EMDR therapy sessions, and meditating at home.

I am married ( over 3 years), but I have a mix of avoidant and dependent traits. My husband has always been the one person I can be open with, but I think that is because of the dependent traits.

Firstly, thanks for responding.
She did emphasize the importance of exposure therapy as well as certain medications that could help along the way. Up until recently, I've been solely dependent on the medications to cure me but I've been made to understand that I'm going to just have to go outta my comfort zone and practice being around people.

Have you discussed the circular thinking ( mainly self shaming)? My therapist told me to start recognizing it, and just telling myself to stop. I found that meditation has helped me get to a place where I can can recognize when the self shaming starts.

I actually haven't heard of circular thinking but I'll definitely look into it. As for filtering out negative thoughts I don't so much meditate as I just work out and I find the exercise just distracts me from myself, plus it feels good and makes me feel better about myself in general. Thanks.

RodneyW wrote:So, I'm only 19 and I've never really posted anything on the internet before.

Anyway, I saw my psychologist yesterday and after what has been weeks of testing, she's finally written a report and gave me the results. Turns out I have avoidant personality disorder.
Now, my main concern is that I go and read about people with AVPD and how they deal with it. Some of what I read is supportive and positive, but then some of what I read is people with relationship problems or people much older than me who have never been in a relationship or even had sex, and that's sad to me.

I guess what I'm looking for in this forum is some reassurance that this personality disorder, coupled with anxiety and depression, doesn't make me a lost cause. That it doesn't mean I'm going to be alone well into my 30s when I can hardly handle being alone now.
I'm not one to rant about my own issues.
All I'd like to know is how a person with anxiety issues and depression and avoidant personality disorder can create and maintain a healthy, stable, loving romantic relationship with another person when all I've read online about AVPD and relationships is how people should avoid those with AVPD.

You're only 19 - that's barley old enough to even be diagnosed with a PD. I just can't agree with giving someone that young a PD diagnosis. A PD means you have "An enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual’s culture." - DSM V. To me 'enduring' would mean a decade at least. And you only became an adult a year ago. Your brain won't be fully developed until you're 25. I've seen lots of people come on here at a young age and then say they got cured. It's because they just had social anxiety disorder and not the more enduring baked in avoidant personality disorder.



-- Thu Mar 09, 2017 7:28 pm --

RodneyW wrote:Firstly, thanks for responding.
She did emphasize the importance of exposure therapy as well as certain medications that could help along the way. Up until recently, I've been solely dependent on the medications to cure me but I've been made to understand that I'm going to just have to go outta my comfort zone and practice being around people.

Avoid the drugs if you can. They should be a last resort. All they do is keep you from getting better in the long run.

Working out is huge in my opinion. It is my only way to feel better for a little while. It feels good to better your body and does wonders for mood. As far as the relationships I guess I'm one of the downers. Almost 30 and basic interactions are too much so a relationship seems unlikely. There's a lot of people here who are actually married and just found the right partner I guess. My desires for women don't abate though, it's probably the hardest thing for me to cope with. It's especially difficult in this world where you're judged by people about getting girls, by men and women. I've never asked a a girl out though so I can't expect anything.

I agree that working out really does help somehow. And as for your desires toward women, I'm really sorry and I feel for you. I get that talking to people, especially women, can be one of the most difficult things. And I thought being alone was hard for me, at your age I can barely imagine how hard that must be for you. Hope you meet someone.

Sometimes I wish one of my old therapists had told me I had AVPD and what it is/means. I only know that was the diagnosis because I looked at a copy of one of the bills a therapist sent to my insurance. I think if I knew about AVPD I could have made progress sooner.

RodneyW wrote:All I'd like to know is how a person with anxiety issues and depression and avoidant personality disorder can create and maintain a healthy, stable, loving romantic relationship with another person when all I've read online about AVPD and relationships is how people should avoid those with AVPD.

You can't. Not if you intend to remain a person with crippling levels of anxiety, depression and AVPD. There are exceptions but frankly, it's so difficult to find what you are looking for even if you're completely healthy.. not being healthy makes it even more unlikely.

It's simple to say, hard to do. But the answer is to become somebody who doesn't have large levels of anxiety, depression and AVPD. It can be done with the right therapy, and I heartily agree with what is being suggested for you, the exposure therapy. Everything I've ever heard comes down to that, to getting comfortable outside your small zone and practicing that. It won't be easy, there will be setbacks etc. but it's your life you are fighting for.

Best of luck to you, and congrats for getting to work on this early in your life so you can conquer the worst of your issues and have many years to enjoy a happy and fulfilling life.