New Meetup

There was an announcement in my email last week on a new local meetup group. I live in a smallish type town that I like very much but there are definite drawbacks. To date, the meetups have either been for much younger people or involved a hobby I either don't do, don't want to do or don't have the equipment for (and can't afford right now).

Some guy started a 40-50's singles meetup for guys and gals. So far the people joining have all been women. Not a big surprise for that age cohort is it? I have to laugh thinking about this one guy with (so far) 6 women joining the group. If he was looking for a date he's a genius.

I'm seeking input from people in this group who have tried joining this sort of thing, or even anybody who has an opinion on it. The description mentions that the group is for singles who don't want to do things like go to dinner or movies by yourself on weekends (which is exactly me). I guess worst case is that I don't get along with anybody so no harm no foul, right? (Of course there's that courage thing....)

Is joining this a bad idea? Should I wait for (or heaven forbid, start) a meetup that isn't for singles but is for some sort of hobby?

All opinions and advice appreciated!

I've never done a meetup group. The idea is just plain SCARY. I would be worried about everything too. I know I should probably spend more time with humans. I don't feel fully human anymore. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. My thinking is that people who have trouble finding others to socialize with are having trouble because there is something seriously wrong with them. And it's not a good idea to get involved with nuts like that. I know, I know - I'm not excluding myself from the 'nuts.'

I think it's really better to make sure you have something in common with people before getting involved. If it was a group to do a specific hobby that you are interested in then that would work - maybe. Even that doesn't work out sometimes. I have gone to the opera with some older woman and some can really grate on the nerves.

Maybe they will have group events where you might get to meet friends. From the sounds of it, it won't offer a lot of opportunities for dating.

New research is showing that singles tend to build larger social networks because they are not expending most of their energy on a romantic relationship, so people might be joining the group to both find friends and possible romantic partners.

Thanks folks for the input. I'm not really looking for dating so the potential for watching the rest of the women fight over this guy would be fun . OK not really. Seriously, I have a long term goal that I'll have a good enough female buddy to go to the best (as in most fun) social event for women that this town has available.

It's good advice to wait for a social type event that I'm interested in and just tag along. If it's something like the movies I won't even have to socialize. I can't take the torture of going to places like movies alone. Worst case is that I won't have to do that.

And Parador, I think you'd appreciate that this smallish town has a symphony orchestra. I lived in a very large city out west that didn't even have one.

skyflyz wrote:

It's good advice to wait for a social type event that I'm interested in and just tag along. If it's something like the movies I won't even have to socialize. I can't take the torture of going to places like movies alone. Worst case is that I won't have to do that.

And Parador, I think you'd appreciate that this smallish town has a symphony orchestra. I lived in a very large city out west that didn't even have one.

I don't understand the tortured feeling of going to a movie alone. Why is it torture. Isn't it better? You don't have to negotiate over what film to see - or where to eat. i just do what I want!



Some small towns have really good orchestras. There;s a little city called Glens Falls with 15,000 people - just north of Albany, NY. It has an amazingly good orchestra. And if I feel like going there I go. But if I feel like going to Ottawa I go there. I did Friday. But if I feel like going to Portland Maine I go there! I did yesterday. For a city of 60,000 it has quite an orchestra. And great organ.

Going to a movie isn't so bad if I sneak in after it starts. But then it's hard to see where to sit. I absolutely hate sitting there before the movie begins. I'm sure it's just me, but I feel like an idiot sitting there with most everybody else socializing. I feel like there is a spotlight over my head with a sign pointing down saying "Lone Loser Here". I could do it, yeah, but it's depressing. Anything with bright lights pointing out the lone me isn't a fun experience. So of course I haven't been to the local symphony. It probably isn't very good anyhow, as things like this are a rarity in the part of the US I live in.

Some things I don't mind, like working out or shopping. Lots of people do those things alone. Most other leisure type things on weekends I avoid. Last time I did one it ended up with somebody who worked there looking around asking if I had anybody to take a picture. That completely wrecked the fun for me. I didn't of course, but most people were there with their families and friends. I tried another one when I was off on a weekday and it wasn't as bad (because I was betting lots of people's friends and families were at work, etc.) but I still sat there like a lump feeling weird.

I wish I didn't feel this way but then again, I wish I didn't feel a lot of the ways I do.

Lately I've been looking to take a class. I'm pretty old though, so anything for "youngsters" is going to be an ordeal.

skyflyz wrote:Going to a movie isn't so bad if I sneak in after it starts. But then it's hard to see where to sit. I absolutely hate sitting there before the movie begins. I'm sure it's just me, but I feel like an idiot sitting there with most everybody else socializing. I feel like there is a spotlight over my head with a sign pointing down saying "Lone Loser Here". I could do it, yeah, but it's depressing. Anything with bright lights pointing out the lone me isn't a fun experience. So of course I haven't been to the local symphony. It probably isn't very good anyhow, as things like this are a rarity in the part of the US I live in.

Some things I don't mind, like working out or shopping. Lots of people do those things alone. Most other leisure type things on weekends I avoid. Last time I did one it ended up with somebody who worked there looking around asking if I had anybody to take a picture. That completely wrecked the fun for me. I didn't of course, but most people were there with their families and friends. I tried another one when I was off on a weekday and it wasn't as bad (because I was betting lots of people's friends and families were at work, etc.) but I still sat there like a lump feeling weird.

I wish I didn't feel this way but then again, I wish I didn't feel a lot of the ways I do.

Lately I've been looking to take a class. I'm pretty old though, so anything for "youngsters" is going to be an ordeal.

What if you go to a film and you're the ONLY on there? hat happened to me a couple of times recently. I saw the Manhattan Shorts. And Green Room - with Patrick Stewart as a bad guy. I think the last time he played a bad guy was way way way back in I Claudius.

I belong to lots of meetup groups, but no singles ones since I am married. It's hit and miss whether I will enjoy a meetup event or not. I tend to enjoy the hiking ones the most because there are a variety of people to talk to. If you don't click with one person, you just move on to a different person walking nearby. I have had lots of interesting, stimulating conversations with folks. Have made no friends through this avenue though.

I've also attended events where I have not had fun because the attendees were very strange and there was something really off with them. I went to an event last week for a newly formed group for people who are interested in talking about Myers-Briggs stuff. Well, the event was at a location close to where I live, so I went. I did not enjoy myself at all. Only 2 people showed up, when something like 8 people signed up. The woman who was sitting across from me bothered me. She kept interrogating me...she demanded to know how old I was, did I have lots of friends, what race was I? What the heck!! These are not normal, starter conversations you have with someone you have just met. They are of an overly personal nature. I will most likely not be attending any more events with this particular group, especially if she is present.

Also, I was enjoying greatly a tennis meetup that I had been going to for the past few months...until a strange man started showing up, and I'm getting really strange vibes from him. He keeps staring at me, trying to interrogate me by asking me all kinds of personal questions, trying to stand next to me, trying to get to "know me", and trying to give me his "social contact card" with his contact info. Ok, this is very bizarre behavior, especially when we are all actively moving on the courts trying to rally and hit the ball back and forth. He got upset because I would not take his card. I've had bad experiences with people like this before, i.e. people who probably do not mean to harass me, but ultimately that's what I feel that like they are doing. Because they are clueless, they don't seem to recognize my body language and verbal clues that I do not wish to get to know them. They are way overstepping boundaries. I probably will stop going to this particular tennis meetup, and start going to a real clinic sponsored by a tennis facility.

Ok, I know I've gone off on a tangent here. Yes, I have had some bad experiences, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I will continue to go to different meetups, but just need to be more aware of steering clear of people who I am getting bad vibes from and who are not acting in what I consider a more appropriate way.

Thanks jamberrypie for the comprehensive rundown. I really would love a hiking club. There is one, but the group leader seems determined to do the biggest or most badass hiking outings they can possibly think of. I'm not sure I'm up to it which is a shame.

A club for single 40/50s people might be okay. I know Parador mentioned that such a club might contain nothing but socially unfit nuts, but I believe that a lot of people in that age cohort have a good reason to look for friends, namely, their current friends might be too busy with family and hubby/wife to socialize.

There's an atheist group too, but that's kind of what I'd think would be full of nutty types. Not because they are atheists but because they are people who feel the need to get together to talk about how God doesn't exist. That's also the way I'd feel about the Myers Briggs group you went to and it seems like that might have been the way it was.

I have absolutely nobody to hang out with. It really gets depressing going places by myself. Even if the group is nutty, at least I would be part of a group. And since I'm relatively new in town I have that great excuse for not already having friends here.

Sky, the nice thing about a hiking group is that it involves a fluid activity. For example, people are not locked down to a restaurant table and potentially being stuck next to the same nutty person for 2 hours. At least with hiking, you are outdoors getting exercise and enjoying the beauty of nature. It lends itself to a more relaxing environment. Yes, nutty people still show up, but I've found out that it's a much, much lesser percentage than with other meetup groups. It's probably because hiking is a super popular activity where I live, and many people I know enjoying doing both short and long hikes over the weekend. And, if someone is acting weird around me or saying strange things and just generally making me feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, it's usually easy to move away from them.

My husband and I have gone to a couple of humanist meetups (which I think are similar to the atheist groups), and both of us have gotten very incredibly strange vibes from the people who showed up. Neither of us wants to attend those types of meetups anymore either.