Our partner

Dealing with being unattractive

Avoidant Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: lilyfairy

Re: Dealing with being unattractive

Postby AvoidantPenny » Fri Jul 01, 2016 11:30 pm

eyeofskadi wrote:Yes, I have a GED book. I struggle to get motivation, though. There's no excuse for this but I'm very unproductive..

I wonder if there's some way of finding other adults who are also doing their GED. Online I mean. That might help with motivation and not feeling like you're doing it all by yourself. America is a big country, there must be thousands of people doing it.
AvoidantPenny
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 102
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2016 1:58 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:28 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Dealing with being unattractive

Postby Angelina88 » Sat Jul 02, 2016 2:51 am

I have a flaw and it drives me batty - blackheads on my nose, ughhhhhhhhh. No one notices them but me and ma.
Angelina88
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 332
Joined: Tue Nov 03, 2015 8:32 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 7:28 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Dealing with being unattractive

Postby skyflyz » Sun Jul 03, 2016 7:17 am

AvoidantPenny wrote:
eyeofskadi wrote:Yes, I have a GED book. I struggle to get motivation, though. There's no excuse for this but I'm very unproductive..

I wonder if there's some way of finding other adults who are also doing their GED. Online I mean. That might help with motivation and not feeling like you're doing it all by yourself. America is a big country, there must be thousands of people doing it.


OK I just did some googling and came up with this:

http://www.passged.com/

There's a forum there, success stories, etc. Maybe some of it can help with motivation. I don't know about the other stuff they're selling though. It seems to me it ought to be free.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu
User avatar
skyflyz
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1542
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:04 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 6:28 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Dealing with being unattractive

Postby zentofu » Mon Jul 11, 2016 2:03 am

Yep, been there. It seems like everyone else is normal but we're the freaks. But you have to realize that that is not the case, and tbh, most people won't even notice. I can easily pick out my flaws but never do on others, and most people are the same way. Coming from a BDD-er, know that while it may seem like a huge thing, appearance is not exactly everything. I'd be lying if I said it meant nothing to society but it is not the most important thing. And I'd be willing to bet that you look perfectly normal, but are overly-criticizing yourself.

I have BDD and while I won't say you have it, there are varying levels of the disorder.

The no-energy, no enjoyment, just living a 'grey' life is basically what I'm dealing with as well. I too was a high-school drop out due to mental health but graduated later on. Can you perhaps do something like that? It's definitely a step in the right direction IME. Once you start doing things that give you some self-worth and fulfillment, you want to keep pushing yourself to pursue more. Dealing with the zero motivation thing is a b*tch though. I'm sorry I can't be of much help, but good luck!

Kivulitaronyu wrote:It seems like there is a self-perpetuating cycle in AvPD. We initially learn as children that we are unworthy and are to be ashamed of our inferiority, and as we grow up, we don't recognise where these beliefs really come from, but rather go on and on finding reasons which justify our self image.
And when we're finally old and "wise" enough to discover this pattern, it's hard to let drop the basement of identity we built for ourselves. There's so many years passed, and even if I recognise rationally that probably other people's flaws aren't bigger than mine, it's hard to impossible to really "swallow" that recogniton. It feels cynical and naive at the same time to just let drop one's own self believes. One can't choose what to believe. It all has a sense of "so what?" to it.

:?


Exactly. Thank you for this. I tend to get caught up in everything and forget this.
zentofu
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2016 11:41 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 5:28 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Dealing with being unattractive

Postby ak2628 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 3:24 pm

From my mid-teens to mid-twenties, I was extremely satisfied and happy with my appearance, and those feelings created a buffer for me in dealing with stress and other crap around me. Being attractive and feeling good about your looks makes all your experiences so much better - it's kind of like being in love, almost. It's honestly the best feeling in the world and not even the experience of romantic love could hold a candle to it. My looks were my life, basically. And it was blissful.... while it lasted.

Then one day I just woke up and it was gone. Nasolabial lines appeared, I lost volume on my cheeks, my eyelids shrunk... it just went downhill SO. FAST. This was three years ago and I've been catatonic from the loss ever since. I've put myself in a state of denial and numbing myself to the fact that my beauty is gone, but it's had a really bad impact on me. REALLY. BAD. Beauty doesn't fix everything, but it was a really bright light in my life that helped me to cope and gave my life meaning. Without it, I just feel like $#%^ all the time. Not to add that the treatment I receive from people has gone a complete 180. I know what it's like to beautiful, to be average, and to be ugly. And being ugly - it's just the shittiest feeling in the world.

Having experienced all ends of the attractiveness spectrum, I know for a fact that there's nothing that can be done to make up for the feelings of happiness and well-being that being attractive brings. That's just the way it is. You can expand your knowledge, take up a hobby, get a degree - but none of those things will ever fulfill in the same way that being beautiful would. It sucks. I want to break down into tears just thinking about it. But that's life you. A bitch. A huge, huge, ######6 bitch. ###$ life.
ak2628
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2016 3:06 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 8:28 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Dealing with being unattractive

Postby ak2628 » Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:01 pm

*mod edit*
Last edited by lilyfairy on Tue Aug 09, 2016 12:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Inappropriate comment removed
ak2628
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2016 3:06 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 8:28 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Dealing with being unattractive

Postby pleasnpetrichor » Wed Aug 17, 2016 7:44 pm

eyeofskadi wrote:I'm almost 21, all I do is play games on my pc. I haven't accomplished anything in life at all and I'm a high school drop out who hasn't gotten a job or a girlfriend yet. I have no friends, I'm pretty damn abnormal.


I don't mean to vie with you for misery points, but I'm 40 and all of that. And I'm losing my teeth.

I'm not lazy, but honestly I feel like I'm so awkward to look at that I can't go out and pretend like I'm normal, if that makes sense.


It makes sense.

Why does it seem like everyone at least looks decent?


I know. It sucks, doesn't it?

I know people say looks aren't everything, but I don't have anything else really.


I don't know if this is any consolation, but it's very likely that you're the only one who notices your "unattractiveness", or at least puts much stock in it.

Life bores me, I'm constantly tired (even when I went on a vacation a few weeks ago at an arizona river resort place, constantly yawning and bored even with good sleep)...


In my opinion, this is your real problem, not your looks.
User avatar
pleasnpetrichor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 367
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2016 6:49 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 5:28 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Previous

Return to Avoidant Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 12 guests