Attention

Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with receiving attention? For example, at work I have often hoped to get recognized for hard work, but if it did happen then I hated being the centre of attention. I have a hard time being the centre of attention, because I start beating myself up and telling myself that I am too self-absorbed.

I can be ambivalent with that too. Wanting to be recognized, not wanting to be the center of attention. I remember when i was a child it was worse. I wanted to be the best at some game, then wearing some medal was a nightmare, or at least ridiculous. I hid it.
(Probably i still would hide that sort of things )

It would seem that attention would be an avoidant's worst enemy, yet there is a small part of me that sort of craves it too. Or maybe the word is acknowledgment. If so, it would definitely stem from my fear of being made to feel insignificant. I could do a whole post on that, it's an issue with me.

Otherwise I think this odd need for attention, which is pretty buried but comes to the surface once in a while, comes from my past. Despite depression, in my late teens and early to mid twenties, I was actually reasonably healthy mental health wise. While my introverted nature was strong, I was still able to enjoy being with people, even in group activities. I was always popular at my job(s), and in some cases, was often the center of attention. I never had a problem with it. Maybe these feelings I sometimes get are just longings for the days when I wasn't weighted down and compromised by MH issues. Maybe they're just a fantasy of what I could be like if I conquered them. Overall, I don't mind feeling that way from time to time. It gives me the impression that having hope isn't entirely futile.

Maybe it's an acceptance thing. I like being praised as long as it's sincere and not over the top, but I don't really want to accept an award and make a speech in front of people or anything like that.

It depends. From most people I can't stand getting any attention. I'd prefer to be completely invisible. However, if someone makes it into my inner circle, then I crave attention. But even if I get the attention Ii want from my inner circle, I always twist it around into being some kind of backhanded compliment. (One of the most common thoughts that go through my head is, obviously they couldn't track down who they really wanted to talk to so they had to settle for me...) So basically it's never a good thing, but sometimes it's worse than others.

Marble Rye wrote:Maybe it's an acceptance thing.

Probably. I think acceptance is kind of complicated for AvPD's. We fear it in a way, but also want it, but on our terms, which isn't necessarily how it works. And sometimes when we get it, we're not sure how to deal with it. See below:

inverse wrote:It depends. From most people I can't stand getting any attention. I'd prefer to be completely invisible. However, if someone makes it into my inner circle, then I crave attention. But even if I get the attention Ii want from my inner circle, I always twist it around into being some kind of backhanded compliment. (One of the most common thoughts that go through my head is, obviously they couldn't track down who they really wanted to talk to so they had to settle for me...) So basically it's never a good thing, but sometimes it's worse than others.

I hate being the center of attention. Giving speeches in school was pure torture. I felt bad that other people had to go through the experience of watching me. I can't even relax around my parents and siblings. I was able to relax and be goofy around my niece when she was young, now that she's growing up I can feel our relationship changing and I don't like it haha.

I think acceptance has a lot to do with it because it is so hard to break the self shame cycle, and being praised contradicts the self shame. As well, I have a hard time with high emotion situations, because I am largely emotionally numb. I end up beating myself as coming across as either ungrateful, or too vain.

Unsocial Butterfly wrote:Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with receiving attention? For example, at work I have often hoped to get recognized for hard work, but if it did happen then I hated being the centre of attention. I have a hard time being the centre of attention, because I start beating myself up and telling myself that I am too self-absorbed.

I don't like being the centre of attention, but I do like to have what I've done be acknowledged. Especially if it is outside of my usual tasks I do. I don't want a fuss made, but a simple "thanks" goes a long way.

definitely feel this. there are times where i'd really like attention from close friends and not feel like i'm being left out or forgotten. it feels nice knowing someone i care about still cares about me too! but if there is too much attention, especially from strangers, it can be really intimidating and too overwhelming!