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Social isolation

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Social isolation

Postby PaperHeart » Wed Jul 15, 2015 11:56 pm

"lonely loners" is how a Avpd trait is described- desiring company but so fearful of the surrounding stimuli its hard or near impossible to initiate. Without a job (for many years) and without friends (for many years) the only people I talk to are my family and nothing discussed with them is even close to what I'm thinking or feeling. Lately the loneliness and perpetual boredom has grown into a hideous all consuming depression which has turned my prior nihilistic state into one of despair and irrational mental chatter. Even to get to the making of this post its taken several days (have pre-written several posts but all were so desperate and ill-forged it only caused further anxiety and self-loathing) whats got me here tonight is a hardy dose of alcohol and some degree of social explosions (thats what I call them- the times when your not robotic discussing the weather or whats for dinner but what needs to be spoke about- thought and feelings) <- all of that could well be deleted....and the post to the point- How does someone who doesn't work, or go to a activities club or....pretty much never ever interacts with people...EVER, find a close friend?
You cut up a thing that's alive and beautiful to find out how it's alive and why it's beautiful, and before you know it, it's neither of those things, and you're standing there with blood on your face and tears in your sight and only the terrible ache of guilt to show for it.

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Re: Social isolation

Postby Unsocial Butterfly » Thu Jul 16, 2015 12:20 am

The only reasons I really leave my apartment are work, going to the gym, and buying groceries. When I at work I am alone 80% of the time, and at the gym I avoid even saying hi to anyone. Even when I force myself to attend social events I can can make small talk, but I feel it is intrusive to expect that people would want to talk to me again. I can't imagine joining an groups because at best I would engage in small talk and nothing else.

I think talking to a therapist/psychologist might help you find out what is holding you back, and how you might get up the courage to go out, and join a social group. I just started talking with a Psychologist, so I can't add much more than that.
"While Eeyore frets...
...and Piglet hesitates
... and Rabbit calculates
....and Owl pontificates
.... Pooh just is." - The Tao of Pooh
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Re: Social isolation

Postby Me two » Thu Jul 16, 2015 5:11 pm

I don't know.

the friends I do have, most I met through previous work. because I was forced to be around them and eventually it becomes a family. since I left school I haven't had a 'best friend' to share everything with. the friends I do have are very good though I didn't see them in a few years as I moved country. And of course hardly made any more since haha. Two? and I never see them either.

now that I don't work all I talk to are family and the staff at the supermarket. and the postman. And maybe some random people I meet when I do leave the house.
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Re: Social isolation

Postby skyflyz » Thu Jul 16, 2015 5:21 pm

Hi paperheart, welcome to the group!

I have no close friends right now but would like some, so consider the source when you look at my advice. I have had friends in the past though, and the closer ones were always acquired at either school or a workplace. You may eventually want to volunteer someplace if you can work up to that, as volunteering on a regular basis is like a job and can lead to a job. It also looks great on a resume.

My advice is that if you want your life to change, you need to start the ball rolling... yes, that can be difficult but it's the only way. If seeing somebody such as a counselor or psychologist is at all feasible, it's probably the way to go.

If seeing somebody isn't possible, I suggest generating a list of items you want to accomplish. Then break them down into very small steps, in order of difficulty. The easiest item will be something that is only moderately challenging. Then check that one off and go on to something a bit more (or equally) challenging. Then check that off.

Keep on going through the list. You may eventually encounter something too challenging and if so, break that one down too or repeat a previously successful challenge.

Godspeed in your journey and I wish only the best for you. Please stop by from time to time and let us know how you are doing.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
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Re: Social isolation

Postby Me v2 » Thu Jul 16, 2015 6:42 pm

PaperHeart wrote:"lonely loners" is how a Avpd trait is described- desiring company but so fearful of the surrounding stimuli its hard or near impossible to initiate. Without a job (for many years) and without friends (for many years) the only people I talk to are my family and nothing discussed with them is even close to what I'm thinking or feeling. Lately the loneliness and perpetual boredom has grown into a hideous all consuming depression which has turned my prior nihilistic state into one of despair and irrational mental chatter. Even to get to the making of this post its taken several days (have pre-written several posts but all were so desperate and ill-forged it only caused further anxiety and self-loathing) whats got me here tonight is a hardy dose of alcohol and some degree of social explosions (thats what I call them- the times when your not robotic discussing the weather or whats for dinner but what needs to be spoke about- thought and feelings) <- all of that could well be deleted....and the post to the point-


I think many people suffer, in all the myriad of ways that they do, because we compare ourselves to how we are told we should be/live and how we perceive others to be/living. Many things in our perception are not what they seem and I would like to suggest to you that you consider that your suffering may not be from deprivation of what you think you should have in your life (formed by the culmination of messages you have had all your life) but from what you are told you should have and just don't, in all the forms that this "life picture" is for you.

I am suggesting that people often suffer because they compare not because they don't have.

We are not all the same and there is massive variance in people's true needs.

PaperHeart wrote:How does someone who doesn't work, or go to a activities club or....pretty much never ever interacts with people...EVER, find a close friend?


What makes you think you need one?
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Mental illness/disorders do not exist. Suffering exists but there isn't any biological cause for this suffering.
It is only thoughts that cause suffering. Yes, its all in our minds but that is where all of life is experienced.
Change your thoughts, change your life...& be at peace, again
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Re: Social isolation

Postby FreakOfTheDemonDoll » Thu Jul 23, 2015 11:34 pm

PaperHeart wrote:"lonely loners" is how a Avpd trait is described- desiring company but so fearful of the surrounding stimuli its hard or near impossible to initiate. Without a job (for many years) and without friends (for many years) the only people I talk to are my family and nothing discussed with them is even close to what I'm thinking or feeling. Lately the loneliness and perpetual boredom has grown into a hideous all consuming depression which has turned my prior nihilistic state into one of despair and irrational mental chatter. Even to get to the making of this post its taken several days (have pre-written several posts but all were so desperate and ill-forged it only caused further anxiety and self-loathing) whats got me here tonight is a hardy dose of alcohol and some degree of social explosions (thats what I call them- the times when your not robotic discussing the weather or whats for dinner but what needs to be spoke about- thought and feelings) <- all of that could well be deleted....and the post to the point- How does someone who doesn't work, or go to a activities club or....pretty much never ever interacts with people...EVER, find a close friend?

I go through periods of not wanting friends to it "would be nice."
I lean more towards total asocialness I have had so much bad luck with people deep down I really don't want friends, but what I do like is talking to strangers online, without getting to close, posting on forums and such.
I never leave my room or house either, I've been out of school for 3 years now and in my room, I'm always worried people will accuse me of things like attention seeking and such, I'm not sad, I love my loneliness, why would I want to spend time with people if I think over 95% of them are evil?
There just is no point.
I have no real or online friends and don't want any.
I have so many things wrong with me and people say that I'm fine, then if I'm fine than why can't I get along with others?
I couldn't at school so how can I in society? I might seem bleak, but I will always ride the pessimism train because of like 5 years now of harassment.
From 2010 of just being 15 til now.
I don't want people's tears, I just want sharing stories of being in each others shoes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm just a piece of sh*t with no real problems and need to stop being "lazy."
I've started to believe in the haters lies.
But should I let them win by doing that?
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Re: Social isolation

Postby Me v2 » Fri Jul 24, 2015 1:01 am

FreakOfTheDemonDoll wrote:I have so many things wrong with me and people say that I'm fine, then if I'm fine than why can't I get along with others?


Its only someone else's opinion that everyone/most people should "get along with others".

But also, who the others are is terribly important for some people. And because its not very important who other people are for some folk doesn't mean that I have to accept other people's definition of what "getting along" means.

People are not all the same and people can be very different in a huge variety of ways, sometimes extremely so. But we are judged and we judge ourselves by a narrow standard/definition laid down arbitrarily by some people long long ago and, well, that's it. There's no space for variance and difference, however that variance and difference manifests in any particular person and if a person can't fit the model of how a person should be (and which many people cannot), we are then labeled with an illness/disorder of some kind.

Therefore, I think we must be mindful of what words and phrases we allow ourselves to think of and believe about ourselves, because it may not be true. There is no saying who you might be OK with/get along with if the right person came along.
Formerly SSDD-247.
Mental illness/disorders do not exist. Suffering exists but there isn't any biological cause for this suffering.
It is only thoughts that cause suffering. Yes, its all in our minds but that is where all of life is experienced.
Change your thoughts, change your life...& be at peace, again
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Re: Social isolation

Postby inverse » Fri Jul 24, 2015 1:16 am

I can "get along with others" - in the beginning - big flipping deal. It takes no time at all before I've disappointed someone, done something wrong, was imperfect in some way. It always, always happens. And I can't tolerate that. Maybe I do take too much responsibility (which I just read means someone is being childish...), maybe "bittersweet" is what everyone wants. Doesn't matter. I can't forgive myself when it happens, when I've let someone down.
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Re: Social isolation

Postby FreakOfTheDemonDoll » Fri Jul 24, 2015 1:41 am

I think if the people have an issue with you or they laugh at you or you are not compatible to the point of huge disagreements that end up in fights, they were really not for you, specially if they laugh or you find out they talk about you behind your back.

-- Thu Jul 23, 2015 8:44 pm --

inverse wrote:I can "get along with others" - in the beginning - big flipping deal.

I can sense tension from you.

-- Thu Jul 23, 2015 8:46 pm --

inverse wrote:Therefore, I think we must be mindful of what words and phrases we allow ourselves to think of and believe about ourselves, because it may not be true. There is no saying who you might be OK with/get along with if the right person came along.

I'm starting to believe in my enemies that I have no real problems and it's everyone else, and some people have said that is bad.
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Re: Social isolation

Postby FreakOfTheDemonDoll » Fri Jul 24, 2015 1:56 am

I have met a lot of "twins" as you could say, and my sensitivity by people's words or their actions offend me if it does indeed offend me.
A lot intentional, a lot not.
I know people gonna say something rude about that like I'm just gonna insult myself just once so no one does like um..."grow up and stop being offended" but it's pretty hard when you find out one of them stalked you and another talked behind your back.
I'm sorry if my emotions get in the way and I pissed you off because it was both I pissed people off and vice versa.
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